


The Bones Beneath Our Skin

by DarknessBound



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, But The Abuse Is NOT DeanCas, But The Cheating Is NOT DeanCas Either, Castiel and Dean Winchester Falling in Love, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel's First Time With A Man, Cheating, Closeted Castiel (Supernatural), Come Kink, Dean Winchester Has a Panty Kink, Dildos, Dubcon - NOT DeanCas, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, First Time Blow Jobs, Hopeless Romantic Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meg Is Human But Might As Well Be A Demon, Pansexual Dean Winchester, Phone Sex, Physical Abuse, Protective Dean Winchester, Sexual Abuse, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Some Humor, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessBound/pseuds/DarknessBound
Summary: Dating isn’t all that bad when your body tells you the name of your soulmate. You’ve either got a name or a key etched into your rib, and all you need to do is get an x-ray on your 18th birthday to find out which it is.But sometimes, people change. Sometimes, the person you’re bonded to becomes someone you hate, or you find yourself in love with a guy that’s off the market because some bullshit entity in the sky decided he belonged to someone else.When your heart tells you something different than your bones, things get messy. When archaic laws get in the way, they get even worse. So what happens when the levee finally breaks and you risk it all for someone that wasn’t meant to be yours?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Cole Trenton/Dean Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 432
Kudos: 426
Collections: The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Castiel

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to make it abundantly clear that the abuse and dubcon are not between Dean and Cas, and the cheating isn't between them either. Our boys would never do anything of the sort to each other. With that said... here you go. 
> 
> I would like to thank my alpha readers, CeliPuff and Ketch22 - and my infinitely valuable beta reader, I_Am_The_Blue_Sunshine. Without you three, this fic would've stayed locked up in Google docs forever. Thank you all!

_Tomorrow’s the day I find my soulmate._

Castiel squirmed in his small bedroom, his chest too fraught with nervous tension to even consider sleeping. He would turn eighteen at the stroke of midnight, which meant it was finally going to be time for him to learn the name that’d been etched on his rib since birth. _Will he be tall? Broad-shouldered? Blue eyes like mine, or maybe a rich, golden brown?_ Cas only hoped that whoever he was, he was older. He couldn’t stand the thought of potentially waiting years for them to come of age; he’d always been such a hopeless romantic and he was ready to finally live out his own fairy tale. 

At exactly twelve o’clock, he blew out the single candle stuck crookedly in the cupcake he’d baked for himself, and started packing his things. With any luck, his soulmate would already be in the database and he’d be able to leave immediately to go find him. There was no use sticking around in a town that held nothing for him when his whole life - his soulmate, his true love - was out there waiting for him. 

The next few hours felt like the longest Castiel had ever lived through, but eventually, it was time to go to the doctor’s. He wasn’t sure what they’d need for his database entry, so he dressed as nicely as he could and did his best to tame his wild, dark hair just in case they’d be taking a picture. 

His knee bounced incessantly as he sat in the waiting room, his features stretched with worry and excitement. _Will he like me? Will we like the same things, or have the same hobbies?_

_Of course he will, he’s my_ **_soulmate._ ** _It’s going to be fine, just… breathe. The worst part will be over soon._

“Mr. Novak?” 

Cas nearly jumped out of his skin at the mention of his name. “Yes! Yes, hi - hello, that’s…” he heaved a breath to slow himself down, “that’s me. I’m Castiel Novak, and I’m here for the x-ray that will tell me my soulmate’s name.” 

The nurse smiled sweetly at him and reached out to take his clipboard. “You’ve signed the disclaimers? By agreeing to get the x-ray taken, you’re also agreeing to have your name, location and basic contact information uploaded into the Soulmate Registry. If there’s already a match, meaning your soulmate is also of age, they will get a notification about the match and be sent your information so the two of you can move forward. Alternatively, if your match has not turned eighteen yet, you will be notified the moment they do, provided they also sign the disclaimer.” 

“Yes, I signed it.” Cas waited impatiently as she skimmed over the documents, noting each place he’d signed or initialed. “What happens if I’m a Skeleton Key?” 

She glanced up at him and then turned to lead him to the radiology room. “That’s highly unlikely as they’re so rare, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Keys have their own set of rules, and a separate database altogether.” 

Cas never understood what exactly they were, just that they were generally regarded as a myth. Her answer made him wonder if they were real after all, and what kind of wrench it would throw into his life if he happened to be one. “Okay. Thank you. What should I…?” 

The nurse handed him a hospital gown and gave him simple instructions, then left the room. He placed his glasses, belt, wallet, and phone into the small receptacle and stripped from the waist up. The gown left his back exposed to the chilly air and he shivered, rubbing his own arms in an attempt to both warm up and calm himself. 

When the technician came in a few moments later, she positioned him in front of a large plate and put heavy, lead guards over his crotch. He wanted to ask what those were for, but he was genuinely afraid that speaking at all would somehow delay the process. 

She took a couple of photos of his chest - one more than necessary, because he was shaking so badly during the first attempt that she had to start again. Finally, she thought she had what she needed and disappeared to let him change back into his clothes. 

While the x-rays developed, he did indeed get his picture taken. He was smiling so wide he almost didn’t recognize the boyish, joyful face staring back at him, but he’d wanted his soulmate to know he’d be with someone kind and loving and happy. 

Once more, he was sent to wait. Some of the anxiety had trickled out of his system but he still felt a little like a live wire as the minutes ticked on. After what felt like an eternity, he was guided back into an exam room and the technician met him in there. 

“Well, are you ready to learn the name of your soulmate?” She hung the radiograph up on a lighted board, but Cas couldn’t make anything out from his seat across the room. 

“Yes! Please, I’ve been waiting for so long, I can’t possibly wait another minute. What’s his name?!” 

She checked her clipboard and then studied the third rib on his left side, just over his heart. “Her name is Megan Masters. Give me one moment to input this and see if she’s already in our Soulmate Registry.” 

Cas didn’t hear what she said after that. His entire world got loud and then dead silent as her words sunk in. _Her. Her name. Her name is Megan Masters._

“Yes, she’s twenty-two years old and lives in Portland, Oregon. She has already received the alert that you’ve come of age… I imagine you’ll be hearing from her shortly. Congratulations, Mr. Novak! I’m sure you will lead a very happy life with her.” 

**_Her._ **

That word sent a shockwave through his system every time he heard it that threatened to break him in half. Cas wasn’t interested in women. He never had been, and he never would be. “Ma… ma’am? There has to be a m-mistake. I’m gay, I’ve… I’ve always been gay.” 

“Oh, honey. Don’t you worry about that. She’s your soulmate, and there are no mistakes. You are genetically predispositioned to love each other, the way a parent would love a child.” She smiled sweetly, as if all parents actually loved their children, and this should be something that comforted him. 

His sure hadn’t, and the disappointment that washed over him in that moment nearly undid him. Cas stood, operating on autopilot as he accepted a printed copy of his entry and made his way back out to his car. 

_I won’t be living happily ever after. I won’t be living happily at all… this isn’t a fairytale._

_It’s a fucking nightmare._

~~~~

Two days later, Cas hadn’t been able to bring himself to call Megan. He knew he should, he should at _least_ have the decency to start a conversation with her - after all, he was going to be spending the rest of his life with her. 

He just couldn’t do it. The disappointment that his soulmate was a woman was overwhelming, and frankly embarrassing. He’d never actually been with a man… but he wasn’t stupid, he knew what his body craved. He knew what turned him on and how good it felt when he had his fingers buried inside himself when he jacked off. How _desperately_ he wished for something bigger, thicker… _real._

Cas was moping and he knew it, but there wasn’t really anyone around to tell him not to. When his doorbell rang, he wondered if the pizza man had gotten the wrong house or if it was a neighbor asking why he hadn’t left the house since his birthday. He made his way over to the door and swung it open, breath prepared in his lungs to tell them to go away. 

But it wasn’t the pizza man, or his neighbor. It was Megan, with the same short, blonde pixie cut and icy eyes that he recognized from his registry match.

“Castiel Novak. You’re just as handsome as your photo. I’m Meg, your soulmate.” She smiled warmly and actually looked hopeful.

Cas swallowed and dropped his eyes, hating himself for the swell of sadness in his gut. “Hello, Meg. Yes, I’m Castiel... you can call me Cas, I know it’s easier.” He stood there a moment longer, then realized he was being rude. “Would you like to come in...?”

“Yes, please!” She followed him in excitedly. “I came all the way from Portland, I was hoping you wouldn’t shut the door in my face.” Meg chuckled to herself and took a moment to check him out.

“Right, Oregon. Is it nice out there?” Cas fidgeted with his tongue, attempting not to word vomit about how they’ll never be compatible.

Meg began to pace slowly, running her long, delicate fingers over the back of his couch. The movement made him want to cringe. _Is that how she’s going to touch_ **_me_** _?_ __“It is. I was... hoping you’d want to come? I have a job I can’t leave, and my boss even has a position for you.”

In other circumstances, that would have been perfect. Portland sounded like a place he could settle down in, and having a job already set up was a dream come true. There was just one problem, but he couldn’t exactly point it out now. “I was prepared to move, my things have been packed for a couple of days. I should ask, though... what kind of job?”

“I work for a sales company. You wouldn’t start in the sales department of course, but it’s in an office. Pretty easy work.”

Working in an office meant new people, which he was generally uncomfortable with... but it might be nice to make some friends if he was moving clear across the country for a soulmate he wasn’t sure he wanted. “I have some experience... not much, it was just over the summer, but...” He pinched his tongue between his teeth and tried to ground himself before he lost his shit. “When would you like to leave?”

“Is that a tongue ring?” She walked closer, frowning when she saw there was nothing there. “Bummer. As soon as you’re ready, _soulmate.”_

He abruptly put his tongue back in his mouth and cleared his throat, eager to remove any sexual connection she’d made there. “We can leave in the morning, if you’d like. Did you drive here, or will we be flying?”

“I drove, I assumed you would have bags. That’s why it took a couple days.”

_“I_ assumed you would call first, but I suppose this is... efficient.” _Because no one in their right mind would turn down their soulmate._ “Yes, then. We can leave in the morning. Make yourself at home.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I probably should have. I was just excited.” Meg eyed him, and the intensity set his teeth on edge. “Are you excited?”

Cas put on the most reassuring smile he could muster from his traitorous body. Meg seemed nice enough, and she was... sort of pretty. If he squinted, her short hair and sharp features made her look a little bit like a man. _Not really, more like a twink... and that’s not at all my type._ “Of course I am. I’ve been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember.”

That was enough to earn another smile. “Great! Me too. Nice place you got here.” Meg started walking around and snooping, which made him uncomfortable, but what could he do? Their lives were connected forever now, nothing was his own anymore. 

“Thank you, it’s not much, but... it’s been enough.” 

The small talk continued until they were comfortable enough around each other to fall into silence. Cas cooked dinner for her and she seemed to like it, but it became clear pretty quickly that they didn’t have much in common. By the time he was doing dishes, he was starting to wonder if the registry had matched them incorrectly and he was really bonded to a _different_ Megan Masters. 

Panic rose in his gut when he realized it was nearly time to go to bed. _Is she going to want to sleep with me? Kiss me? Touch me?_ He’d never kissed anyone before, but he was almost certain it wouldn’t be easy to fake arousal. All he could do was hope she was exhausted from the drive there and would want to go straight to sleep. “Are you tired...?”

She made her way closer. “Yes... but I’m also open... to make this official.” She ran her hand down Cas’ arm softly. “Have you ever... you know...” she nodded towards his room.

“No.” The admission had his cheeks flushing, but it wasn’t uncommon for people to stay virgins until they met their soulmate - especially because it happened so young. “I haven’t. Have you?”

“I have. I hope that isn’t a problem. I honestly had no clue how long I would have to wait for you.” Meg chewed her lip. “I know how to make it good for you.” Meg turned Cas to fully face her. “If you’ll let me.”

It took a lot for Cas to blink back the tears threatening to spill out. His entire life, he’d imagined sharing his first kiss with his soulmate, them learning together and experiencing the newness of intimacy as one. He’d wondered if his soulmate would have a beard, and if he did... if the stubble would tickle or scratch against his delicate skin. How it would feel to be embraced with strong, powerful arms... to feel the evidence of mutual attraction pressed up against his thigh. And instead, it was a woman... much smaller than he was, with no beard, who had already experienced all of those things with someone else. 

Cas cleared his throat and nodded. “Of course, it would have been silly of me to expect you to wait. How... how many partners have you had?”

“Three.” She reached out for his pants. “None were as handsome as you.”

He nodded, feeling like an idiot. He didn’t know if that was a lot or not, but it sure seemed like a lot to _him_. “Right. Thank you.” Cas watched as she undid his belt and started pulling his zipper down, wondering why they hadn’t even kissed. Was that not how it was supposed to happen? Was sex some purely physical, detached act that didn’t actually require intimacy at all? 

His body shook slightly as she pushed his jeans down to his kneecaps and took in the sight of his cock, still completely soft. Not one part of him was turned on by any of this, and he watched her face carefully for signs of disappointment.

Meg’s hand reached out to rub his cock as she finally stood on her toes to kiss him, and every ounce of it felt wrong - like he was trying to play a game with a dead controller, or reach a destination with an outdated map. He technically had what he needed, but there was something not quite right. He swore he could feel the rib with her name on it throb. 

And that’s how it went. She’d given up trying to turn him on with her hands after a few minutes, and she didn’t have any success at all until she pushed him down onto the couch and started using her mouth. It felt… good, and it felt even better when she hummed appreciatively and he could see the look in her eyes shift from frustration to satisfaction. She was his _soulmate_ , and he’d be damned if he was going to disappoint her. 

~~~~

It had still been a disaster in the end but Meg had blamed it mostly on nerves and inexperience, and it didn’t seem to alter the way she felt about him. She promised him it would get better the more they practiced, and honestly… she was right. The first few times after the move to Portland had been similarly horrible, but Cas hadn’t given up. He’d wanted to please her, wanted to be whatever she needed - and once Cas worked out he got a _lot_ harder when he replaced Meg in his mind with a man, not only were they having more success - but it felt a hell of a lot better for Cas, too. 

The first time he’d gotten off with her, she’d bought him a laptop. It felt like a strange reward, but he wasn’t really going to complain. His job had turned out to be custodial work, and it paid next to nothing which meant by the time he forked over his share of the bills for their too-large house, he had mere pennies left over for himself. 

Things had remained like that for roughly the first year or so. Cas was in too deep at that point to tell her he was gay, not to mention he saw no upside in doing so. She’d made it clear from early on that she didn’t want them having other partners, so his choices were either please her himself or let down his soulmate. So, he continued what he’d done from the beginning, and just imagined she was someone else. 

By their second anniversary, things had taken a turn for the worse. He’d given up all hope of finding anything they shared in common, and the sex was getting… rougher. In the beginning, he hadn’t minded it much - in fact, being almost manhandled did a lot for him. It helped bridge the gap in his mind between what he craved - a man - and what he was actually getting, but eventually even that lost its luster. 

She was rude, there was no other way around it. She’d disappear for days to hang out with her friends or go on business trips, and during those times, Cas wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house except for work. There wasn’t much he could do but obey… breaking their bond wasn’t even a thought in his mind because it was said to be one of the most painful things one could ever experience, and really… he liked their house. The solitude was nice, he could watch what he wanted on television and not have to worry about being too loud if he was listening to music or talking with a friend on the phone. 

Not to mention, he was free to masturbate the way _he_ wanted to… while watching videos of men that looked like him getting fucked almost violently. He wasn’t allowed to own a dildo - he’d tried to ask, presenting it like it was an experiment - but Meg had outright forbidden it, so he was forced to settle for two of his own fingers shoved into himself at an awkward angle. It wasn’t perfect, but they were still the best orgasms he’d ever had. 

Mostly, it was the same routine every day when she was around. He would wake up, cook breakfast, then go to work. Cas hated his job. He received little respect from his peers and even less from his superiors, but Meg usually took time out of her day to find him in his basement office and kiss him. When he got home, he’d cook dinner, listen to Meg yell about the cleaning he hadn’t gotten to - even though she knew quite well he’d been working just like she had been - and then he’d please her as best as he could before they went to sleep. It rarely deviated from that, but at least he knew what to expect. 

It certainly wasn’t the life he’d dreamed of. 


	2. Dean

Pacific, Washington was a small town less than thirty minutes outside of Tacoma. Dean preferred the small town feel much more than the city life, plus it was a nice place to settle down the Family Business. 

Building homes had always been his father’s dream, and now that the business was booming, John took a step back and put a lot more on Dean’s shoulders. It was obvious he was grooming him to take over in the distant future, but Dean didn’t want that, he prefered using his hands to build, not type on a friggin keyboard. 

Office work took up more hours in the day than the damn construction, making it even harder for someone like him to find love - as if it wasn’t hard enough already. But at twenty-two years old, he deserved a night off every once in a while. 

He’d slept all of eight hours in the past week, the  _ last _ place he needed to be was a bar. But he was lonely… and a little horny, so sue him. At least Jask was always down to hit the bars with him when he wasn’t on duty. The guy was fun, but he never drank in uniform.

For Dean, there was good and bad with being a skeleton key, and love was on  _ both _ the pros and cons lists. He fell easily, but he never fell hard. It was as if his heart knew they’d never stay. Once their soulmate came along, they left, no matter how much they claimed to love him. If Dean’s ribs had names upon them, there would probably be at least seven.

So, call him a hopeless romantic, but he was ready to get back out there again. It had been months since Jo found her soulmate and left, and if Dean was being honest, that one didn’t hurt very much. Not like Benny. 

“I’ll take one more, darlin’, thanks.” He winked at the barkeep and she poured his whiskey with a blush.

“You’re a little young to be drinking straight. You got an old soul?” She leaned in to hear him better. It wasn’t too packed, but people were damn near yelling at the table behind Dean.

He chuckled and held it to his lips. “Somethin’ like that.” Dean took a sip, staring into her blue eyes. He was always a sucker for blue eyes. “How come I’ve never seen you workin’ here before?”

“You come here that often?” She licked her lips, sending out all the signs she was interested. “I started a couple weeks ago. I noticed you last Saturday but you were very occupied with that tall, dark and handsome guy with the pretty hazel eyes.”

Dean thought back to the weekend before and chuckled, that guy _was_ pretty fun. “Those hazel eyes don’t compare to your blue jewels, darlin’. What’s your name?” 

“Desiree. And yours?” 

“Dean. How many more of these I gotta buy until you're off work?” Dean emptied his glass and slid it forward.

“One more.” She poured a double and set the bottle aside. “We want little Dean working, don’t we?” She winked and walked to go help some other patrons.

“I think you’re all set here, big boy.” Jask clasped his shoulder, a dude under his arm.

Dean chuckled “Right back at ya,  _ Robocop.” _

An hour later, Jask had long gone and Dean sat with Desiree in the corner, talking about how her soulmate was in the military and hardly ever home. They had an agreement, as long as they both used protection and were honest with each other, all was fair. Dean could respect it. It actually made things a little easier for him, no expectations.

“Are you serious?! I don’t believe you. Skeleton keys are a myth.” 

“What can I say, I’m one in a million. Well… one in like 500,000 but who’s countin’.” Dean winked and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. “It’s not a myth, Des. Trust me, I live it every day.”

“What’s it like?” Desiree watched him so intently, he could tell she was genuinely curious.

“Um… it’s how you’d imagine it would be. You form connections easily, but they also break just as easily. Everyone eventually leaves for their soulmate, there’s no getting around it. I imagine later in life I might find someone to stick around, maybe that lost their soulmate or somethin’ but I’m not holding my breath. I wouldn’t even know where to  _ begin _ to mend that level of a broken heart.” He didn’t go further into how lonely it was. How you’d find someone you fell for, and then woke each and every day wondering if  _ that _ would be the day they left you. He didn’t feel it was necessary to tell her how much it hurt to permanently be  _ Mr. Right Now  _ when all you wanted to be was someone’s  _ Mr. Right. _

Instead, he kissed her. It was enough to move the conversation along, but the mood was pretty shot for Dean at that point. 

The blowjob was okay. It did nothing to fill that void in his chest, but at least he felt something. They exchanged numbers, and he’d probably call, because it wasn’t like he had anything else going on.

~~~~

A few weeks after he met Desiree, Dean met Cole.

Things were going great. Cole was one of the very  _ rare _ people who denied their x-ray, because he didn’t want some database messing with fate. He wanted to find his soulmate naturally, all on his own. By the way he treated Dean, he felt they were meant to be.

He was handsome, caring, an awesome cook, and although he was an average height, he was fun sized compared to Dean. The cherry on top was the damned blue eyes, always making Dean weak in the knees.

They hadn’t moved in together, but Cole came over almost every day, so Dean wasn’t surprised to see his car in the driveway when he got home from work. It was late, and Cole was probably asleep.

He walked in and went straight to his room, knowing the beauty would be sleeping peacefully. Dean jumped in the guest bathroom shower - so he didn’t wake him - and then went to climb in with him.

Cole rolled over and growled quietly, pulling Dean closer. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby.” Dean kissed his head and smiled. He never thought he would have this sort of connection with anyone and he could feel himself falling more and more in love. For the first time ever, Dean didn’t wake up every day wondering if his partner would leave him. Cole chose him.

Soft lips kissed his along the line of his jaw and Cole curled against him, tracing lines over his bare chest. “Are you tired?”

“Mmhmm. But not too tired for you.” Dean returned the kisses, rolling over on top of Cole. He smiled against his lips and Dean could feel he was on board, but Cole was  _ always _ on board for Dean.

The next morning, Dean woke up to the smell of bacon. Cole was downstairs wearing nothing but lacy black panties that barely covered his ass and rocking out to AC/DC... which was quite a combination.

“How the hell did I get so lucky?” Dean walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his torso, peppering kisses along his neck.

Cole bit his lip and rubbed his ass against Dean’s crotch. “I was feeling generous when I gave you my number, and just haven’t gotten around to leaving yet.”

“Yeah?” Dean rutted against his ass. “This got anything to do with it?” He moved his hips in a circle, pressing his hardness between his cheeks.

The shiver that wracked through Cole’s body was answer enough. “Maybe just a little. Eat your breakfast first, I know you eat like shit when you work, and I only get to feed you properly on weekends.”

“Thanks, baby.” Dean kissed him and went to sit down at the dining table with his boner. “What would I do without you?”

“Starve, have mediocre sex, not have a sparring partner to help you work out your irritation when your dad pisses you off.” Cole grinned as he brought over a plate for Dean. “Just kiss me and say thank you.”

“Thank you.” Dean kissed him three times and turned towards his delicious breakfast. “I love you for all those reasons.” He took a bite and blushed, realizing he just said  _ love. _

Cole froze, then walked around Dean and slid his chair backward. A second later, his boyfriend was climbing onto his lap, ignoring the groaning of the wood and cupping his face. “Do you mean it?”

“Course. I’ve loved you for a while, I just didn’t wanna scare you off.” Dean stared into Cole’s eyes, hoping he didn’t do exactly that with his confession.

A smile spread across Cole’s face and he kissed him deeply. “You’re gonna have to try a helluva lot harder than that to scare me off, because I’d be an idiot not to love you. And I’m a lot of things, Winchester, but an idiot ain’t one of them.”

“Oh, I know.” Dean chewed his lip and blushed again. “You wanna... um, move in here?”

Cole blinked. He already had a key, so the offer shouldn’t have been all that out of left field - but from the way Cole’s face changed from shock to pure joy, it must have been. “Yeah, are you kidding? Don’t play with me, Dean. I’ll move my shit in here  _ tonight.” _

Dean grinned and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Good. Let’s get it all.” He felt a dull ache in his rib, and any sliver of doubt he had dissipated. Cole was the one.

~~~~

After a year and a half, any lingering feelings of fear were long forgotten. He couldn’t even imagine life without Cole anymore. They were  _ that  _ annoying gay couple; the ones that sent goofy Christmas cards and everyone around them could feel their love. 

There was no question as to whether or not they were soulmates, because their souls had chosen. 

John had even warmed up to Cole, and that was saying something. He never understood what  _ pan _ was, and why his son was it, but Dean just assumed it was a generational thing and tried not to hold it against him. 

But he also  _ never _ hid. Dean was proud of who he was, and if John wanted his son around - his hardest working son - he’d suck it up and accept his partners. 

They sat at a diner surrounded by family and friends as Sam made the announcement that he’d found his soulmate. Eileen was by his side, and they lit up brighter than the damn Christmas lights around them. Dean was so happy for his younger brother. 

He pulled Cole in and kissed his cheek, unable to help himself. “My little brother, man.” Dean interlocked their fingers and held Cole’s hand to his face.

“One down, one to go, huh?” Cole smiled, winking at Dean’s half-brother Adam. “Couple more years and you’ll be as lucky as the rest of us.” 

Adam sat up straighter. “I can’t wait. I mean, I can... but I can’t. Does that make sense?” He scratched his head.

Dean chuckled. “Course it makes sense. That’s like everything with adulthood.” He rubbed Cole’s back and smiled at him.

Eileen spoke in her thickened tone as she signed, “It’s worth the wait, trust me. You’ll get there.” 

“Not too quickly, I hope. I’m not ready for an empty nest!” Dean’s mom reached over his dad’s arm and grabbed a roll. “I need you to wait _ at least _ twenty more years.”

Adam laughed. “Yeah, right!”

Dean couldn’t help but hope his brother wasn’t a skeleton key too. He knew it was rare to be one, and unheard of to have two in one family, but he would still feel better the day his little brother got a name.

The rest of dinner was amazing, and he still couldn’t get over how well his boyfriend got along with his family. He put up with their incessant questions about his job working for Amazon, and about a million other things he knew Cole was sick of talking about, but did it anyway to humor his family. If Adam did somehow turn out to be a Key, then Dean could only hope he found somebody like Cole. Life was just... better when you had someone to share it with.

~~~~

“Come on, Sammy. Diapers aren’t gonna buy themselves.” Dean teased, ruffling his brother’s long ass hair. He inhaled the scents of fresh cut wood and smiled, he missed it out here and hadn’t had time to see the progress in a few weeks.

Sam scoffed. “She’s like two months pregnant, I don’t need diapers yet, Dean. And also, I can sit for ten minutes. It’s the law.” 

Dean chuckled at his brother. “Yeah? Alright Mr. Lazy Lawyer, take your break.” 

He was proud of Sam. After he and Eileen found each other, they instantly moved in together and fell in love. They did some traveling and took a year to get to know each other before starting their own little family. 

Everyone had expected Dean to have a kid by now, but he knew that wasn’t in the cards for him. Not in the traditional sense at least. He and Cole had talked about adoption, but never seriously. They still had time, and Dean was only twenty-five. 

Dean also knew Sam was smart as hell, and he should be the one sitting in the office most of the day with the damn paperwork. Dean liked getting his hands dirty and it seemed the older he got, the more time he spent in the office. He missed the smell of wood and cement, and the deep feeling of accomplishment when he finished a house - a house that people would  _ actually _ live in. It was what convinced him to build his own. 

“Once the baby comes, you wanna switch places?” Dean played with a wooden beam, just happy to be outside with Sam. “You know... you in the office, me out here?”

Sam eyed the mostly-laid foundation and shrugged. “Yeah, I’m sure Eileen would be happy about me staying away from the tougher parts of the job. You sick of the desk work already? How long has it been, a week?” he teased, tossing Dean a baggie with a sandwich in it.

Dean mock laughed and opened the bag, he’d never turn down some food. “It’s fucking stuffy in there man, and Dad stinks. Always talking too close with his potent dad breath.” He bit into the sandwich, grateful it wasn’t some vegan bullshit. “Need some fresh air. You want the paperwork, I’ll trade you places right now.”

“All you had to do was ask, Dean.” Sam took a bite and chewed slowly, towing at the loose dirt under his boot. “You know, before we found out Eileen was pregnant... I was thinking about going to college. You would’ve been back out here either way.”

“College?” Dean took another bite and watched his brother. He could feel Sam was nervous about telling him that. “Good for you, Sam. Go for it. Maybe this business will be yours one day?”

Sam gallic shrugged and shook his head. “Nah, not... not that kinda college. Your ‘lazy lawyer’ joke was a little bit more on the nose. But, now that we know about the baby, I’m staying here. Honestly, I’m kind of happy about it.”

“You sure? I want you happy Sam. I’d support you if you finally went after your ballerina dream.” Dean grinned at his bitchface. “I mean it, no matter what.”

“Yeah, I talked to Dad. He’s gonna bump my pay so Eileen can stay home with the baby for a couple of years. Then, the plan is that Eileen will go back to work and I’ll go to school, if we can swing it. I just... haven’t told Dad that part, yet.” His brother huffed nervously and took a swig from his thermos. “I know he’ll be cool about it, but this is the family business, y’know? I don’t really wanna be me when he finds out one of his kids would rather argue with strangers for a living.”

“Ah!” Dean swatted a hand. “He’ll get over it. Dad’s close-minded but he knows we’re choosing our own paths. In different ways of course, but we gotta choose. You think I wasn’t nervous to bring Cole home? Dad gets mad easily, but he doesn’t stay mad. Mom would kick his ass.”

Sam smiled and looked down. “You’re right. I’m still proud of you for that, by the way. Took balls... guess it’s a good thing you’ve got four between the two of you, huh?”

Dean laughed and finished his sandwich. “Yup. And you can’t neglect those man, too many chicks act like they don’t exist. Eileen doesn’t ignore them right?” He knew Sam would never actually answer that, but Dean never could let Sam go a day without blushing.

This day was no exception. Sam cleared his throat as his cheeks reddened and he threw his empty bag at Dean. “We do just fine.”

“Good. Cole could give her some pointers if you need him to.” Dean winked and then had to dodge something - who knows what - Sam chucked at him.

“Break’s over, jerk. You want to switch me spots... show me you’ve still got it.”

“You got it, bitch.” 

By the time the sun was setting, Dean was blissfully sore. He missed the feeling of a hard day’s work and when he got home, Cole was waiting for him with a cold dinner. “Hey baby, sorry I’m late.”

Cole kissed him quickly and then turned to heat up the food. “Don’t sweat it, I can tell just from the smell that you were working with those gorgeous hands instead of your brain today, and you know I’ll never complain about the callouses.”

Dean play scowled. “You just call me stinky?” He walked over and kissed all over his face, earning a grossed-out laugh from Cole. “Gimme seven minutes and I’ll be all clean for you.” After one more kiss, he darted into the bedroom to shower. 

Once he finished, he threw on some Spiderman pajama pants Cole got him for Christmas. They were a little snug, but he knew Cole liked it that way. “Alright, m’all clean and all yours.”

“Mm, just how I like you,” Cole teased with a grin. The food was hot and on the table, but there was only one plate. Cole noticed the way Dean was eyeing it and bit his lip, shrugging innocently. “I ate while you were getting cleaned up, and now my mouth is free to do  _ other  _ things while you eat. Sit down.”

“Well, I won’t complain about that.” Dean kissed him. “You never gotta wait to eat, baby. You eat when you’re hungry.”

Cole gently pushed Dean down onto the chair and then disappeared under the table. “Oh, I plan on it.”

As always, Cole took care of him and they both went to bed with full bellies. 

Things for Dean had never looked more positive. He had a one-of-a-kind love, his entire family was well off, happy, all with their own loves - except for Adam, but he was almost there. Cole had been ridiculously patient with Dean completely rebuilding the house from scratch. He helped pick out some of the colors, but he let Dean have complete control over the entire process. All he asked for in return was a giant tub they could both fit in. Dean had finally found one, and was going to surprise Cole when he was at work next week. Dean was forever grateful for Cole choosing him, and he made a vow to himself that he would make sure Cole smiled every single day.


	3. Castiel

Time no longer meant anything to Castiel. Hours bled into days which seeped into weeks, and it seemed like he was surprised every single time he looked at a calendar. He’d spent the last five years of his life bonded to a monster, and things were steadily getting worse. 

He’d managed to find himself a couple of friends in Portland - despite Meg refusing to let him leave the house more often than not - and it was only thanks to her being on a business trip that he was able to spend his twenty-third birthday with Hael and April. 

“C’mon, Cas. It’s just us, you can relax.” April’s petite hand slid up and down his back in a way that was meant to be comforting, but it just set his teeth on edge. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Cas offered them a small smile and reached for the popcorn. “I’m grateful to you for inviting me, I don’t think I’d have even realized it was my birthday if you hadn’t.” 

Hael gently scratched the back of his scalp, and he had to admit, it felt… good. Startling, and a little strange, but it was incredibly nice to be touched with affection after all the time he’d spent with Meg. 

_ The time I still have to spend with Meg. The rest of my life.  _

“I don’t understand why people can’t leave their soulmates,” Hael scowled. “If you’re in a position like Castiel, it’s cruel and unusual that he can’t simply walk away from the bitch. She gives women a bad name.”

April stood to go put another movie in. “Soulmates are soulmates for a reason, Hael. Maybe this is just a rough patch for them. Either way, there are laws against that sort of thing. Once you’ve met, you can’t cheat, leave, or neglect your mate without some pretty insane consequences.”

_ Funny how those rules exist, and yet Meg can do whatever she wants to me simply because she’s older.  _ Cas hated the direction the conversation was going and leaned against Hael’s fingertips. It sounded to him like April was saying he should just suck it up - like that wasn’t exactly what he’d done every time Meg had decided to use him as a sex toy or a punching bag. He’d sucked it up, because of those laws and also some deep seated, irrational hope that one day, she’d come around. She’d reveal the real reason they’d been bonded together, and it wouldn’t be because he’d screwed up so seriously in a past life that he somehow deserved this. 

“Cas doesn’t deserve this,” Hael echoed. Cas wasn’t sure if his thoughts had been audible or if the concept was simply so clear and obvious that others saw it too, but either way… it felt good to hear it from someone else’s mouth. 

“Can we drop this, please?” he asked, before April could come up with another reason that he’d never be able to leave. “I’d like to get through the movie and go home.” 

Neither of them seemed thrilled that he wanted to race out of there, but he was exhausted. He never slept well when Meg was around, so her business trips were the only time he really had to catch up on sleep. It was also the only time he could spend with his friends, but his health seemed more important than socializing. 

~~~~

When Meg got home a few days later, he learned the hard way that he should have stuck with socializing. She found the birthday cards Hael and April had given him and his lie that they came in the mail fell flat when they realized simultaneously they had no stamps. 

The fury etched across her features should have given Cas enough notice to duck or to move away, but she swung that tiny fist at his face and it connected with a force of which she shouldn’t have been physically capable. For several moments, neither of them moved. Meg’s chest was heaving with anger that Cas would never be able to understand, and he felt the pain more in his third rib than he did his cheek. 

He lightly touched the spot that he knew would bruise and dropped his eyes to the ground. “I’m sorry, Meg.” Apologizing made him ache, he knew somewhere deep down that none of this was his fault. He hadn’t cheated, hadn’t broken a single law involving soulmates or otherwise - but there was still a tug in his chest every time he disappointed her that he yearned to get rid of. 

“I had come home to surprise you, and yet, the first words out of your mouth were lies.” She was crying, but not the kind of tears that drew sympathy. They were ugly, thick, monstrous tears. The kind one would expect from a demon attempting to manipulate a victim. 

Surprises were never good where Meg was concerned; they often led to more restrictions on his freedom or a new name added to the list of people he cared for that he could no longer speak to. But every once in a while, she’d reward him if she thought he was being good, and despite years of experience… he hoped this would be one of those times. “It was wrong of me, Meg. It won’t happen again.” 

“You’re right, it won’t.” She huffed and straightened her too-tight blouse. “We’re moving again. It’s too late for me to back out of your surprise now, so I’ll expect you to be extra nice to me since you’re getting it anyway.” 

_ This isn’t a gift. She’s doing this so I have to leave the handful of friends I managed to scrape together in the half decade I’ve been here.  _ Cas swallowed thickly, nodding. “Thank you. May I ask where we’re going?” 

Meg eyed him like she didn’t believe him, but took a step forward to admire her handiwork. The same hand that had struck him rubbed a soothing circle just under the mark and she leaned up to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “Not far. Pacific, Washington. My transfer request was accepted last week… I wasn’t on a business trip at all, I was setting up our new home. I took the liberty of filling out a few applications for you as well. You have an interview in two days with Amazon. I already spoke to the hiring manager, so as long as you don’t completely tank… you’re hired. They really need people and I told him how hard of a worker you are.” 

The praise felt good despite the rest of her words being laced with poison. Yet again, he had no say over his own life. His house was chosen, his career was chosen, his friends would be chosen… if he was even allowed to have any this time. He bit back the bile threatening to spill into his mouth and nodded again, feeling a bit like a broken bobblehead. “Thank you, Meg. Truly. I’m assuming we’re leaving tomorrow?” 

“Yes. We’re only taking what we need, I’ve replaced everything else and the furniture will simply go to whoever buys the house. To the victor goes the spoils, Castiel.” She clicked her tongue as if he’d asked a foolish question, which… maybe he had. She made decisions quickly and acted on them even quicker, so the short turnaround time wasn’t out of the ordinary for her. 

He just wished he would’ve had a chance to say goodbye. 

~~~~

A week later, Cas showed up outside of the Amazon complex and took a deep breath. This was the worst part for him, he hated new situations and new people, especially when it wasn’t his choice to be there. But the people he’d met during his interview had been nice and hadn’t given him any real reason to be apprehensive, he’d be driving more than anything but they also needed occasional help in the warehouse overnight. He would have preferred doing that full time, because it would be an excuse not to sleep in bed with Meg. 

He received a tour of the warehouse, which he hadn’t gotten during his first trip there. Cas paid as much attention as he could, but he was too overwhelmed to remember half of what he was being told. He was paired off with another employee for side-along training, and he was proud of himself for only flinching a little at the firm handshake. 

The man was handsome in a way that would’ve once caused Cas’ heart to beat a little too quickly, but it had been so long since he’d allowed himself to see another man in that light that it barely registered to him now. “Hello, my name is Castiel.” 

“Cole, Cole Trenton. No offense, but there’s no way in hell I’m gonna remember that. You got a nickname?” He smiled and dropped Cas’ hand. 

“You can call me Cas.” His cheeks reddened slightly as he noticed Cole’s eyes fixating on the yellowed remains of the bruise on his cheek. “Clumsy.” he muttered. 

Cole tilted his head back a little and flicked his eyes over Cas’ chest. “Right. Hey, we all run into shit. My boyfriend ran smack into a wall the other day… guess I shoulda waited another ten seconds before I told him there was pie.” He smiled, the thing lighting up his face in a way that sent sadness clear down to Cas’ toes. 

“Boyfriend? Not… soulmate?” Cas’ curiosity peaked, it was rare to hear someone use that term. It was usually reserved for highschoolers. 

“Soulmate or not, I’d have still picked him. You know? He’s incredible. Everything about him makes me weak in the damn knees. Has since I found him right around three years ago.” He bit his lip and looked like he was lost in his head for a moment. “So, he’s both. He’s everything. I’m sure you understand, bet you feel the same way about yours if you have one.” 

_ No. I’ve never felt anything like it, and I had managed to convince myself that love isn’t even real, so thank you for ruining that for me.  _ Cole was openly gay, completely happy, and had everything he ever wanted. Cas couldn’t stop himself from daydreaming about Cole’s boyfriend as he took Cas around the warehouse and showed him what to do, and that trend didn’t stop when they got in the van.  _ Who likes pie so much they’d run into a wall for it? And how amazing is he that Cole is sitting here whistling to himself and looking like he hasn’t got a care in the world, even after three years?  _

He forced that train of thought to head right back into the station when he began wondering if Cole had similar sexual interests as he did or if they’d be compatible. Again, that was something he thought he’d put a stop to years ago. If he walked around trying to guess if every man he met would want to fuck him into a mattress, he’d live his life in a constant state of disappointment. 

Not that he didn’t already. 

~~~~

Cas made the mistake of staying a little bit late after his shift ended a few days later and was punished twice for it. The first was the fleeting glimpse he caught of Cole’s boyfriend’s back as he led him through the warehouse doors. He was taller than Cole by a few inches, with broad, gorgeous shoulders and an overall physique that explained Cole’s reaction to him perfectly. The man’s ass alone was enough to fuel fantasies, and it was hidden under a pair of dirty jeans. 

The second punishment came when he got home and Meg was already waiting for him. He’d forgotten that he had started dinner in the crock pot that morning and had already been pushing it timewise with his shift, so the food was burnt and borderline inedible. “Meg, why didn’t you just unplug it! It would’ve stayed good -” He reached forward to do exactly that, but her long, sharp nails caught his wrist before he could make it to the plug. Cas hissed as the pointy tips dug into his skin hard enough to draw blood. 

“No. Where were you? Why were you so  _ careless?” _ She swung the lid of the crock pot at him but he  _ did  _ jerk his body to the side that time, so it glanced off his arm just above his elbow. 

He backed away quickly, eager to put space between them as each of his arms battled over which one hurt worse. The after effects of the lid were more dull and annoying than anything, but his wrist was brilliantly red around the small cuts her nails had made. “I was working, I -” 

Words were useless. Meg pushed the entire pot off the counter and the charred contents spilled all over the kitchen floor, and then she rounded on him. “If you’re hungry, there’s your dinner.” She jerked her head toward the mess and then strode over to the stairs. “Don’t come to bed, I don’t think you’ve earned it.” 

Cas watched her go and his stomach rolled at the thought of eating off the floor. When she was out of sight, he cleaned up the floor as quickly and silently as he could and then pulled a protein bar from the box on top of the refrigerator. He’d have to take the wrapper all the way out to the dumpster, but it would be worth it. Any small act of rebellion was worth it to him, even if every lie and attempt at disobedience caused a pang in his rib.  _ One day, she will die, and I will be free. I might be eighty years old, but I’ll be free.  _

But Castiel feared that Meg would outlive him, just out of spite. 

~~~~

His job truly wasn’t bad. With his training officially complete, he had his own van and was settling in nicely to his route. It varied slightly every day, but over the following month he started to notice several repeat customers. Cas got the hang of leaving Mrs. Moseley’s packages between her bushes and her porch if she wasn’t home - she  _ swore  _ the neighbor’s kids were stealing them - and Mr. Singer’s right inside his screen door. 

It still gave him anxiety whenever he’d see a new address on his map. Would they have dogs? Fences? Small driveways? Would they be home and rude, or have a sleeping baby inside that would be woken up if he knocked? 

Knocking stressed him out more than anything else. He didn’t usually need signatures, so he avoided the practice wherever possible, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. The last time he’d had to knock on someone’s door, a man named Rufus nearly startled him half to death. 

“What in the  _ hell  _ are you doin’, boy? You tryna wake up the whole got-damn neighborhood? And can’t you read!” The tall man pointed a meaty finger toward a tree at the end of his walkway. “Last I checked, it spells out pretty  _ dayum  _ clearly to leave any and all packages and or letters on the step. Do. Not. Knock. You’ll wake the beast!”

Cas looked around the man to see if there was a dog inside, or maybe a tiger or something. He honestly wouldn’t have been shocked to see one, but it became clear quickly that Rufus himself was probably the beast. “I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.” He was so used to throwing out fake apologies with complete sincerity that it rolled off his tongue like honey butter, and Rufus seemed to calm down. 

“Uhh… right then. Off you go.” Rufus snatched the package from his hand and slammed the door, and from then on, Cas didn’t bother knocking. 

When he arrived back at the warehouse at the end of his latest shift, he spotted Cole near the antiquated machine they used to punch in and out. “You’re off early today.” 

Cole looked over and smiled. Sometimes Cas felt like he was looking for more marks on his skin, so Cas hastily pulled down his sleeves. “Yeah actually. My boyfriend has a man-cold.” He chuckled to himself. “He can’t even taste and he wants pie. Not soup, pie.”

“Ah, I see. Well, he’s lucky to have you then.” Cas smiled weakly and stepped around him to clock out. “I’m sure it’s wonderful to be taken care of like that.” 

“He might be faking it, he hates his job right now.” Cole turned to face him. “How are you, Cas?”

There were few conversation topics he loathed more than ones that directly involved him, so he chose to ignore it. "Why does he hate it? Does he work here? I think I saw him in the warehouse a while ago."

Cole cleared his throat and Cas was happy he moved on. “No, he was just picking me up. He works with his family, building houses. His dad has him in the office right now and he hates being trapped in there. He prefers to get his hands dirty.” He shrugged. “I’m not complaining, he has these... never mind.” Cole laughed. “Almost got carried away.”

"No, you don't need to censor yourself, Cole. What were you going to say?" Cas knew he shouldn't ask, shouldn't press on that particular subject... but the jealousy that roiled in his chest wouldn't let him stay quiet. He was at once desperate to know absolutely everything and eager to never hear about it again, and the battle in his mind just made his thoughts fuzzy.

Cole hesitated and then shrugged. “You’d like him. He doesn’t believe in censoring really either. You should hear him after a couple beers. Anyway, I was going to comment on his rough hands. But I know not a lot of people share my hand kink. I have this thing for rough dirty hands. Like when their hands are clean, but they’re practically stained from years of hard work... I scare you away yet?” He laughed loudly at himself.

_ Quite the contrary. _ Cas shook his head, trying to keep the movement nonchalant and not indicative of the internal struggle he was facing. "No, not at all. My soulmate's hands are rough as well, just not necessarily in the way you'd think." He smiled in an attempt to cover up the fact that he'd come closer to admitting Meg abused him with that simple line than he ever had before. "I'm not sure I have any kinks, but I can understand why you'd be drawn to them."

“Everyone has kinks, Cas. You just have to find them. That’s what it’s like with the one you love, finding out each and every thing that drives them crazy. That’s why he picked me up the other day, he got a little dirty out in the field and knew I’d go crazy for it. We didn’t even make it home.” Cole winked and then pulled out his vibrating phone. “Look he’s calling, listen to this baby.” He answered and put it on speaker. “Sorry, no pie here.” He bit back his laugh.

The man on the other end groaned. “Thought you loved me?”

“I do. But you need soup, not pie.”

“Come on. Soup is comfort food right? So is pie.” He started to cough, showing he was actually sick and Cole frowned. 

“I’ll be right there, baby. Just lay down and I’ll grab one of Donna’s pies but you  _ are _ eating some soup. Deal?”

“Deal. Thanks, babe.” He cleared his throat. “Hurry... I might not make it.”

Cole rolled his eyes. “Drama king.”

“Still gonna ride me tonight, gorgeous?”

Cole’s eyes widened and he busted up laughing. “You’re on speaker in the break room.” The line abruptly went dead, and Cole kept laughing as he pocketed his cell. “Sorry, Cas, I gotta go.”

Cas just nodded, his jeans getting tight from having that question finally answered. All Cole’s speech had done was pour salt in the wound that he wasn’t in love and never would be, and he knew he failed miserably in hiding the crumpled, disappointed look on his face. “Have a good night, Cole. I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope your boyfriend feels better soon.” 

He brushed past a bewildered looking Cole, and headed home. 


	4. Dean

Dean and Cole were coming up on three years together. This was by far Dean’s longest relationship, and it still felt like a dream.

Cole had continued to call Dean his soulmate, no matter how many times he told him it was impossible. He’d say things like, “I don’t need a damn x-ray to tell me who was made for me.” It was cute, but something about the word just bothered Dean. He wished there was another word that people would see as equally romantic. 

If you thought about it, their love was even rarer and more romantic than some damn database entry. They found each other and  _ chose  _ each other. Not only that, they continue to choose each other, every single day. Too bad  _ chosen-mate  _ didn’t flow nicely.

Cole knew exactly how Dean felt about the whole soulmate thing, and yet he continued to use the word. 

“Dean, seriously, stop being a grouch. It’s just a word!” Cole rolled his eyes in frustration.

Dean still couldn’t believe he didn’t understand his reasoning, how many ways could he explain it? “Cole, you’re the one for me. But that damn word is just a continuous reminder of something I can never have.”

“So you don’t believe we’re meant to be?” 

“Course I do!” Dean sighed. “It’s just different, because if you went and got that damn x-ray  _ tomorrow,  _ you’d end up leaving me.”

Cole walked over and straddled his lap. “Bullshit.” He cupped Dean’s chin. “I choose you. No matter what.”

“That’s easy to say, while you’re sitting on  _ my _ lap, in  _ our _ home, without a clue what  _ your _ rib says.”  _ Please understand, I’m too exhausted to fight. _

“I call bullshit. I will get the damn x-ray, and you’ll see that no matter what, I choose you. Dean, I am absolutely convinced  _ your  _ name will be there.” Cole looked completely sure of himself, but Dean on the other hand, panicked.

“Please don’t. Cole… please.” He gripped him, burying his face into his chest. Cole held him, gently rubbing his back.

“What are you so afraid of, Dean? Do you not have faith that we are strong? That we are it for each other?”

Dean didn’t answer right away. He worked twelve hours that day and now he just felt completely deflated. He inhaled Cole’s comforting scent while he calmed, silently pleading that he don’t get the x-ray. “It isn’t that I doubt us, babe. We are it, we are strong... right now. Without that. But if you get it, you will leave me. I just know it. I don’t want to lose you.”

Cole laid his face down in Dean’s soft sandy brown hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”

~~~~

For their anniversary, Dean got all of Cole’s favorite things. He knew Cole preferred a home cooked meal, so he took the day off work and made the best damn steaks he’s ever made. He couldn’t wait for Cole to get home.

Cole always got home from work first and had no clue that Dean took the day off to prepare. He baked a cake, because Cole preferred cake. For Dean, it was his biggest flaw. 

When he heard his truck pull in the driveway, Dean actually got butterflies as he turned on their favorite Spotify playlist and went to wait by the door.

“Dean?” Cole called out in a surprised tone, when he opened the door and Dean realized that Baby was parked outside.  _ Cat’s out. _

“Surprise.” Dean smiled and pulled him in for a kiss, but he could instantly feel something was wrong. “What’s wrong??” 

“Nothing.”  _ Lies.  _

Dean touched his face softly. “I can feel something’s wrong, talk to me.” 

He sighed, “Remember that new guy I told you about? The one with the bruised cheek?”

“Yeah.” 

“He was all roughed up again. I think he’s in an abusive relationship or something. He always has a story, but I don’t know.” Cole looked concerned, but Dean could still feel there was more to Cole’s mood. 

But since it was their anniversary, Dean let that go. “Keep an eye out on him, if you need me to call Jask, I can.”

“I know, thanks. Smells good in here.”  _ Oh, now he’s deflecting.  _

“Yeah, baked and cooked all day. Happy Anniversary, babe.” 

“You did?” Cole smiled and although it didn’t reach his eyes, Dean once again let it go when he pulled him in for a kiss. “Happy Anniversary.”

“Yup. Red velvet cake with that frosting you like, uh, the cheese one.” 

“Cream cheese.” He rolled his eyes fondly. “Where did you get the recipe?”

“My mom. I almost just bought frosting but she yelled at me so I whipped it up a little bit ago, took like three tries but I think it tastes good.” 

They walked over to the table and Cole was genuinely smiling now. “This is amazing. Let’s eat.” 

“Now you’re speakin’ my language.” Dean winked and walked over to serve their plates.

Once they were full, Dean gave him a few presents. Nothing major, just little things he knew Cole would love, and the entire time he could see something was wrong. He was itching to ask, but biting his tongue.

Dean left it alone, all the way until after they had slow, passionate sex and Cole began to cry.

“Babe, you’re worrying me.” He wiped away the lone tear. “Talk to me.”

Cole lost it then, curling into Dean until he was finally able to breathe and form words again. “I… I messed up.”

Dean’s heart rate sped up, but he took a breath. “Okay… whatever it is, we’ll work through it.”

“I know, I know. You’re just going to hate me.”

“Baby, I could never hate you, look at me.” Dean moved so they could see each other. “Never. You gotta tell me, I’m dying over here.”

Cole stared a moment longer, and then closed his eyes with an exhausted sigh. “I got the x-ray.”

Dean’s entire world stilled. This was it, this was the end.

“Please say something?” Cole’s bottom lip quivered.

Dean could already feel the ache in his bones from the loss of Cole. It was inevitable, and their invisible lifeline had already been severed. “Why?” he whispered. 

More tears fell from Cole’s eyes. “I wanted to prove to you that your name was there.” 

He didn’t have to ask, everything about Cole’s demeanor told Dean the answer, and yet... “Was it?” 

Cole once again lost it, cementing what Dean already knew. It was over.

He held a hand to his left rib, the sting of rejection already taking hold.

“Dean. I’m not leaving. I don’t care, I don’t give a shit who he is. I refused his information. I choose you, even now.” He gripped Dean’s face, but Dean’s eyes were shut tight. “Open your eyes, see me.” 

After a moment, Dean complied. Cole seemed to believe his words, there was no implication in his eyes that he was lying. But Dean still felt a distance. Maybe it was his own mind, already becoming defensive around his stupid, gullible heart? Or maybe, Cole was already gone? 

“Dean, don’t leave me.” Cole pleaded. “Stay.”

He nodded, because what else could he do right now? He wasn’t the one leaving here, he wasn’t the one with somewhere to go.

This was not how their anniversary was supposed to end.

~~~~

Jask came over for a beer that night. That was the cool thing about their friendship, no matter how busy life got, they always made time to grab a cold one when one of them needed it.

With three text messages, Jask knew something was wrong and instantly put on his shoes. His newly-found soulmate Ares was still getting used to their bromance, but they trusted each other. Dean and Jask were like brothers since diapers and that kind of bond doesn’t fade with time. 

“Why are you so convinced he’s leaving, D?”

Dean shrugged and popped open another beer. “They always do man. There’s always somethin’ better around the corner.”

“Bullshit.” Jask walked over and snatched the beer from him, taking a swig.

“Don’t you gotta drive,  _ Officer?  _ Am I gonna have to do a citizen’s arrest tonight?” Dean snatched his beer back with a grin and ruffled his annoying long hair. “Man, I’m telling you, give me five minutes with some clippers and-”

Jask cut him off with a headlock. Asshat was lucky he was bigger.

~~~~

Over the next week, things remained tense. Dean still couldn’t forgive Cole for doing the only thing he begged him not to do, and Cole was acting more and more distant by the day. He would try, Dean could feel his efforts, but that didn’t change the fact that Cole’s heart belonged to another. 

Dean didn’t bring it up again, because there wasn’t anything to say. Cole was still here, for now. 

_ Knock, knock. _

Dean frowned and stood up, trying to guess who it was while walking to their front door. It was Sunday, and most people around them were either watching football or at church, so he had absolutely no clue who it would be. Cole’s curiosity got the best of him and he made his way over behind Dean.

When the door opened, Dean saw the look on Cole’s face. He knew who this was, and deep down in Dean’s gut, he knew too. 

“Can I help you?” He grunted, slightly rougher than necessary. 

A tall, blonde haired man stared at Dean with a confused expression. "I was informed I'd find Cole Trenton here." He lifted his eyes to Cole's just behind Dean and smiled widely. "I've waited for this day for a very, very long time."

And here it was. Dean had actually thought they’d have more time. But of course, their time was up. “Yup, come in.” A few years ago, Dean would have slammed the door in his face. But at this point, he was just exhausted.

Cole took a step behind Dean and shook his head at the man now walking through their front door. "No, I'm sorry, Gadreel. There's been a mistake, I didn't mean to get the x-ray. I'm not going anywhere, I'm sorry." 

"You can't be serious." Gad eyed them both and faltered in his steps. "We're soulmates, Cole. You'd throw that away, after we waited so long for this?"

Dean turned and walked straight to the kitchen to pour a drink. “Hear him out, Cole.” Why drag it out?  _ Pull off the friggin bandaid. _

The voices were muffled, but Dean could pick out roughly every other word. As he swirled the liquid around in the glass and listened to Cole try to defend their relationship, he got the feeling that maybe Cole wasn't going to leave, after all. 

"I think you should go," Cole said. The response was lost to the noises of the house, and then the front door shut with a dull thud. Cole's face appeared a moment later and he rubbed his arm, studying Dean. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

Dean continued to stare into his glass. “Why not? That’s your soulmate, Cole. It isn’t me.” He pulled away and walked back towards the bedroom.

"Wait, Dean!" Cole followed quickly, circling around in front of him and holding out his arms to stop Dean's progress. "Wait, okay? Just... please. Give me one good reason to give a shit about soulmates. It's not possible for two people to be happier than we are."

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t feel shit when you saw him.” Dean locked eyes with him, reaching forward to touch his rib. “Right here.”

His face flashed with something like hurt. “It doesn’t matter, Dean, because I feel shit for you, too. Please don’t discount that just because some asshole in the sky decided he wanted to play Cupid.” Cole grabbed both of Dean’s hands and looked down at them, his thumbs tracing over the stains that never went away. “If you don’t love me as much as I love you, I’ll go. But I think you do, and therefore I don’t give a shit about Gadreel.”

Dean did. He absolutely did. But he knew as much as it hurt now, it would hurt even more later. “Then... you should go.” He let go of Cole’s hands and walked away. The pain in his chest was screaming he was making a mistake, but he knew better. They always leave.

Several long, agonizing moments later... the front door slammed again. 

~~~~

The following week, Cole returned for the remainder of his belongings. Jask and Sam were there, because they wanted to be there for Dean. He told Cole to take it all, all the things they purchased together. Dean didn’t need any reminders of another lost love, and if he didn’t literally build this house with his bare hands, he’d fucking move, too. 

Dean shouldn’t have been surprised when he showed up with Gad, but he was, all the same. He disappeared into his room and let them take whatever they wanted. Sam stayed out there and he wouldn’t let them take the big purchases that he knew for a fact his brother made. 

It was nice of him, but Dean didn’t give a shit about the stuff. That 70 inch TV did nothing to mend his broken heart. “Sounds like they’re almost done, D.” Jask sat down on the bed with Dean and refilled his glass. 

All he could offer his best friend was a weak smile. “Thanks, J.” Dean took a long sip and clicked his tongue. “You didn’t have to take the day off. We’ve been civil, Officer.” __

Jask rolled his eyes and set the bottle of Jack on the nightstand. “I had a feeling he’d be here with him. Just wanted to have your back.”

“Pfft. I could take that dude.” He took another sip.

Jask rolled his eyes, “No shit. That’s the problem.”

They were silent a while, before Dean spoke up again. “What’s it feel like, man? Knowing you’re with  _ the one.” _

He could see the hesitation in his friends eyes, but he knew he would always be honest with him. “You really want to talk about that?” Dean motioned impatiently and he sighed. “It feels… complete. You know that feeling you get when you slide in the last piece of a puzzle? Like that, times a thousand. You feel whole, and right. Like… you’ve finally found your purpose or you’ve come home. Yeah, that’s it. It feels like home.” 

Dean would never let Jask know how much that answer only broke him more. He would never have that; he would always be a mismatched piece in other people’s puzzles, because he didn’t truly belong in any of them. 

Dean would  _ always _ just be a lost puzzle piece.

~~~~

When Dean finally made a list of all the things he needed to replace, he began shopping online. He wasn’t in the mood to go into stores and talk with people, but he absolutely needed some new pans. Cole’s pie’s were okay, but Dean could out-bake his ass on his worst day; that asshat had no right to take the damn pie pans.

He was happy Amazon had such a huge selection of shit. He could get pans and even some damn flour if he wanted; it was awesome.

Before he hit ‘place your order’, he noticed something he’d never noticed before. “Add delivery instructions. Awesome!” He began to type, smiling for the first time in weeks. 

**_Please leave the package under the pink tree. I will leave out a blanket so he doesn’t get too cold. Do not forget to wrap him up tight, it’s going to be chilly on Wednesday. -DW_ **

He placed the order with a grin. He had a couple days, but since he had nothing better to do, he went to the closet and picked out an old blanket for the box. Dean hoped his delivery person had a sense of humor, because he could really use some light. 

He had nearly forgotten about the odd request he had made, but as he ventured up his walkway on Wednesday, he noticed a lump on the grass. With a tilt of his head, he walked over and smiled. “They actually wrapped the box.” Dean picked it up and held it close.  _ Maybe all humans don’t suck? _

The second time, Dean took it a little further. 

**_Please leave the package in the bushes on the right side. The bushes on the left aren’t talking to me right now. -DW_ **

He laughed out loud as he pressed ‘place order’ and even louder when the box was in the correct location again. 

The third time, even Dean knew it was ridiculous, but this Amazon worker had gone along with his shenanigans so far, why not take it up a notch? 

**_Please leave the package on the roof, left side. The right side bushes are pissed too, so now I can’t trust any of my bushes. I repeat, do not trust the bushes. -DW_ **

When he found his package on the roof, a feeling Dean couldn’t explain washed over him. Yeah, this was fun, but it was  _ more _ than that. He couldn’t help but wonder if his mysterious delivery man was going through some shit, just like he was. Sad and lonely, surrounded by darkness. Maybe these dumb requests flashed a little bit of light on his day, too.  _ Nah, dude probably hates me.  _

He didn't go with a weird request the next time, instead, he wrote a simple:

**_On the porch, under the swing. Take a box, leave a box. -DW_ **

The night before, Dean had stayed up late, baking a cherry pie for his delivery friend. ‘Friend’ was a stretch, but he couldn't help but feel connected to the guy already. He didn’t even know it _was_ a guy, it was just a feeling.

Before work, Dean packaged up the pie, and slid it under the porch swing with a grin, along with  _ ‘thank you for brightening my day’  _ scribbled on a Post-It note.

Dean may be forever alone, but it was people like his delivery guy that made that fact sting just a little bit less.


	5. Castiel

As Cas got ready for work, he wondered if Dean was going to be on his route again. He didn’t know much about the man, other than the fact that his delivery instructions were absolutely insane. Bushes, blankets… it seemed like each request had gotten more ridiculous than the last, and when he’d scaled a tree to put a package on the roof because Dean hadn’t left him a ladder, he thought he’d reached his tipping point. But the very next request was not only simple, it turned out to be delicious. That cherry pie was  _ so  _ good that Cas wasn’t worried at all about having to leave it in the van, he knew he’d have the entire thing eaten in two days. The last thing he needed was to have Meg questioning him about a pie, especially because the truth would be unbelievable.  _ “Yes, Meg. I leave packages in random hiding places because the bushes are untrustworthy. Dean was grateful for my cooperation and baked me a pie, I have never met the man in my life.”  _

He had a feeling it wouldn’t go over well, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he wasn’t more irritated by it. When he’d gotten the first request to wrap the package in a blanket, he almost ignored it. But something about the man going to the trouble of writing the direction in the first place made him think that he wasn’t insane, and maybe he was just bored. Or, maybe… he felt as trapped in his own home as Cas did. Either way, he’d planned on that being a one-time thing. 

But now, several deliveries later, that stop was his absolute favorite. He didn’t care how much physical exertion was needed to fulfill the request, he’d do it if at all possible. Cas was surprised and also thrilled that Dean’s house was indeed on his route that day, especially because he’d made him a pie to say ‘thank you’. He needed to return the pan anyway, he’d had it for a couple of weeks - he just hadn’t been able to bring himself to give it back.  _ Seems strange, to get emotionally attached to a stranger’s pie pan. But maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to the man with traitorous bushes and chilly boxes. We’re both absolutely out of our minds.  _

Cas refrained from looking at the directions ahead of time, he always did. He found that he did better in the spur of the moment, particularly due to his ability to turn anything into anxiety. He also tried to time his arrivals at different points during the day; he was beyond curious about what the funny, slightly infuriating man actually looked like. 

Dean’s house faced the main road, but the driveway was off a side street, and once again, he found himself staring at the garage.  _ Is he home? Does he watch me complete his ludicrous instructions?  _ The thought of Dean watching him climb that tree through his window made Cas laugh out loud, and the sound was so foreign to him that he immediately glanced toward his empty passenger seat to make sure he was the one it came out of. 

He pulled up in front of the house across the street and got out, stretching a little before grabbing the large box from the back of his van. It wasn’t too heavy, but it was awkwardly shaped and Cas had a little bit of trouble getting it to the front door. By the time he made it over there, the front door was open and a little old lady was standing there with a sheepish smile on her face. 

“Oh, hello, ma’am. Just give me one…” Cas set the box down and frowned at it, knowing she wouldn’t be able to get it inside of the house on her own. “Second…” he finished, slightly out of breath. 

“You’re big and strong, help me carry it inside, son.” She held the door open and glanced over at Dean’s. “Normally my neighbor helps with these large ones but he’s always at work all day. Would you like some lemonade?” She walked towards her kitchen without waiting for an answer.

Cas frowned, a little put out at the realization that Dean probably didn't watch him at all. Part of the fun had just been taken out of it, but also a good bit of the anxiety. "No, thank you. I shouldn't linger."  _ Dean might need me to drop the package down the chimney or something. _ He maneuvered the box through the entryway and set it upright as carefully as possible. "Does your neighbor live alone? Perhaps there's someone there that can help you put whatever this is together."

“Oh, I’ll bother him with it this weekend. He’s always home on Sundays. I believe he is alone now, his boyfriend moved out a couple weeks ago… poor guy was just a mess.” She handed Cas some lemonade and when she went to speak again, she was cut off by a loud rumble. She made her way towards the porch with her brows furrowed. “Oh, that is his car, alright. He must be home today. Strange, he’s never home during the daylight on weekdays.”

That sound reverberated through his bones, and he whipped his head around to try and get a glimpse of his mystery customer. He couldn't see a damn thing other than a tanned, gorgeous forearm sticking out the window as the old Chevy disappeared down the road. The knowledge that the man was both single and gay was both a blessing and a curse to him. And of course, the only day Dean was home during his shifts... was the one day that Amazon didn't deliver. His heart sank, but he was no longer in a hurry to get to Dean's. "Thank you for the lemonade."

“You’re very welcome. He’s a real handyman, that one.” She pointed towards Dean’s house. “He built that entire house from the ground up. I always thought the gays were flamboyant and clean, but that one isn’t afraid to get dirty. He helps the whole neighborhood with their homes. Do you live around here?”

Cas blinked, trying to digest all of that information while simultaneously figuring out how to ask for more. Above his curiosity about Dean, though, there was one thing she said that he latched onto. "It's nice that you all have someone to help you out, but I'm confused. He and his boyfriend broke up? Were they soulmates? I thought that was forbidden." _ Is it possible? Can I leave her without consequence? _

“Oh no, Dean is one of those  _ skeleton keys. _ The poor guy will never have a soulmate and for a key, he falls hard.” She held her hand over her heart. “Normally, they’re so promiscuous.” She whispered the last word like she was telling some dirty secret.

"Those aren't real." The words were out before Cas could stop them, but he didn't know why he'd want to. He remembered the day he'd gotten his x-ray - the tech had told him keys were real and had their own registry, but he thought that was just a cover for people that didn't have a soulmate. "So he's... so he's not promiscuous, then?" Even knowing he could never have Dean, the thought of him not sleeping around both warmed his heart and disappointed him in ways he didn't understand.

She shrugged. “Not like the others I’ve met in my lifetime. He’s a good one.” She tapped Cas’ shoulder. “For the hand he was dealt, he still has a smile that brightens the room. Very pretty, that one.” She fanned herself and giggled. “His boyfriend was a fool for letting him go.”

He'd never put much stock in the tastes of little old ladies, but something about her words just... made sense. Of course the man with conspiracy theories about his bushes and dirty hands and a muscle car would be beautiful. Even if he wasn't conventionally attractive, the little that Cas knew about his personality more than made up for any shortcomings in his physique. 

That was a dangerous thought, and Cas realized that he'd been sitting there for far too long and needed to get back to work. He finished his lemonade and took the glass to her small kitchen, then turned around to thank her. A few minutes later, he was parked in Dean's driveway and staring up at the empty house. The delivery instructions were simple enough this time, despite their usual weird twist: 

**_I ordered new pie pans since you haven’t returned mine. It’s okay though, I hope you keep it and bake lots of delicious pie with it. As for these pans, leave them inside the pink tree on my favorite branch. Something tells me you’ll know which one. -DW_ **

Cas smiled to himself as he grabbed both the package and the pie he’d made for Dean. He made his way over to the cherry blossom tree and studied the branches. At first glance, they looked more or less the same… until he spotted one with two small knots at the base of the branch that looked like testicles. If this had been the last delivery, he wouldn’t have known Dean was gay… but he’d still have known this was his favorite branch. His humor shone through every instruction he left, and picking a favorite branch that looked like a penis was absolutely something Dean Winchester would do. He settled the box in the crook, but didn’t trust the pie to the same resting spot. He bit his lip as he studied the other branches but ultimately decided to put the pie on the porch so it didn’t get eaten by wildlife. 

He left a small note with the pie: 

**_You’d think you’d have learned by now not to underestimate me. - CN_ **

Cas marked the package delivered, and carried on with his route, unable to shake his grin until he got back to the warehouse to log his work for the day and clock out to go home. He noticed Cole coming out of their boss’ office with a happy expression that rivaled his own, so Cas approached him. “You seem to be feeling better. I didn’t want to pry, I didn’t really feel it was my place… but you had seemed down there for a little while and I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks. Everything better?” 

Cole nodded and checked out Cas in his usual fashion. “Yeah, I’m okay. Things were... not great for a bit. My...” Cas saw his hesitation. “My boyfriend and I broke up.”

"There seems to be a lot of that going around." Cas frowned, wondering if in some insane twist,  _ Dean  _ was Cole's boyfriend, and he'd been missing the connection that was right in front of his face.  _ Dirty hands... a love of pie... just got out of a relationship... _ He wasn't sure if it was hope or dread pooling in his chest as he asked, "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

Cole sighed, “I... well... he found his soulmate. I found mine too. It happened so fast, I just needed time to process. I never expected him to actually leave me. How are you, Cas?”

He nodded slowly. If Cole's ex had found his soulmate, that person wasn't Dean. Cas relaxed slightly and cupped Cole's shoulder, grateful the bruises on his body by Meg's most recent tirade were hidden by his shirt. "I'm glad everything worked out for you, and I'm sorry for how it happened. I'm running late though, I'll see you Monday. Have a good weekend." 

Cole opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, but Cas jogged outside of the warehouse and back to his car. 

~~~~

Saturday morning was a disaster. He’d had a dream involving dirty, calloused hands gripping his hips while being fucked so hard he woke up to a wet spot on the bed, and Meg was  _ pissed. _ He had never been a good liar, which was why he avoided questions about himself at all costs. So when she’d asked him what  _ they  _ were doing in his dream, he wasn’t quick enough to come up with an appropriate lie. 

He never did find out what she thought happened, but he should have been alarmed by the way she offered to refill his coffee after breakfast. She was smiling sweetly at him, and he thought maybe -  _ maybe -  _ she’d finally figured out that the best way to get him to love her was to be nice. “Thank you, Meg. That’s very sweet of you.” 

She poured the hot liquid and turned toward him, taking three steps until she was right at the edge of the hardwood floor and the carpet. “Believe me, Castiel. It’s the  _ least  _ I can do.” She dumped the contents onto the carpet and then dropped his favorite mug, laughing at the broken look on his face as it shattered. “Whoops! Now, clean it up. Coffee  _ stains.” _ She stepped over the ceramic shards and made her way up the stairs, leaving Cas alone with the remains of the very last thing he owned from his life before her. 

Cas didn’t cry, at least, not often. Most of the things he endured at her hand either numbed him or pushed him past the point of tears, but this? This one, evil act… it snapped something inside of him. He felt like the last trace of the person he was before her had been destroyed, and he blinked back a flood of tears as he scrubbed the dark mess out of the carpet and placed the pieces of his mug into a box. 

He could live a thousand years and never love her, and he’d never, ever understand why it was her name on his rib instead of someone -  _ anyone  _ \- else’s. For the first time in their almost six years together, Cas wondered if he wouldn’t be better off in prison. 

~~~~

On Sunday, Cas made his weekly trip to the grocery store and went the long way. He drove past Dean’s house, allowing himself a moment to pretend he was actually going to pull in and knock. He knew it was  _ insane  _ to think that Dean would welcome him or do anything at all other than have him committed, but it was just a fantasy. He’d pull in the driveway in his own car and knock on the door, his chest out and head held high. He’d get a glimpse of the face he’d been achingly curious about for weeks and maybe even shake one of those gorgeous, broad hands. Cas didn’t even have proof they  _ were  _ broad, but in his mind, Dean was whatever Cas wanted him to be. 

Including  _ his.  _

Part of him felt like a creep, or an asshole, or both… but it was harmless. He didn’t stop; all it took was one  _ ‘he wouldn’t even know who you are, he probably doesn’t think about you at all’  _ thought for him to keep driving past the house until he was finally pulling into the supermarket. He was in a daze the entire time, wondering how he’d fallen so far that he was having borderline psychotic fantasies about strangers instead of living an actual life.

The answer, just like everything else, came back to Meg. 

She didn’t speak to him the rest of the weekend and on Monday, Cas was rewarded by the cosmos with another delivery to the Winchester residence. 

**_DO NOT TRUST ANY OF THE PLANTS! The tree has started a full foliage rebellion and now that fall is upon us there is absolutely no hope for escape. Bury the box man, bury the box! -DW_ **

Cas looked from the instructions to the house, his eyes searching for a shovel, rake, or anything else that would enable him to bury a box two inches deep and six inches wide. He saw nothing, and he took this as an opportunity to finally meet the man face-to-face. He hesitated outside of the front door, pep-talking himself mentally to just  _ knock.  _

He did it so rapidly that his knuckles barely struck the wood, and he cursed quietly before trying again. Several long seconds passed, but there was no answer. Cas licked his lips and knocked once more, louder that time - but after another solid minute, he resigned himself to the knowledge that Dean wasn’t home. 

He stepped off the porch and made his way over to the garage, testing the side door. It was open, so he entered and pulled out his phone to use as a flashlight. Cas’ body jerked and shuddered when he saw that beautiful black Chevy, parked and silent.  _ He is home. He’s home. Dean’s  _ **_home._ **

Finding the shovel was easy, but convincing himself to leave the garage when all he wanted to do was climb inside that car wasn’t as simple.  _ You’re a psycho, Castiel. Bury the damn box like he requested and get out. You knocked, and he didn’t answer. These little delivery games are all you’re ever going to get, he doesn’t want to know you.  _

Cas made his way to a small patch of grass that wouldn’t look horrible all dug up, and stomped his boot onto the blade of the shovel to drive it into the dirt. By the time the hole was large enough for the box, he had sweat dripping down his spine from the effort. He  _ really  _ needed to start working out again, and wondered if he could convince Meg to let him go for a run if he told her he wanted to look better for  _ her.  _ He placed the box inside the shallow grave and pushed the mound of displaced earth back on top of it, patting it down and looking around for something to use as a headstone. There was a rock not far from him that looked like it would do the trick, so after he staged the scene, he pulled out his phone to take a picture. 

Uploading that as proof of delivery would probably lead to several awkward questions and possibly termination, so instead, he decided to send the photo to the contact information on file for Dean. He added a caption and fought with himself over whether or not to send it as he put the shovel back and climbed into his van. He ultimately decided it was worth it, despite the double ‘box’ pun that he was sure would lose him any brownie points he may have gained. 

**Castiel:** **_Here lies Spar McParcel, the final victim of the great Foliage Rebellion. Unknown DOB, but probably originated in China. Died on October the 14th at the hands of a very confused delivery man. May he RIP._ **

He had hit send before he meant to and nearly decided against double-texting, but he hadn’t been done yet. 

**Castiel:** **_That… stands for ‘rest in packages,’ by the way. Also, I wasn’t aware I would need to bring tools for this... perhaps you could text me a list of things I’ll need to bring with me next time so I don’t have to go snooping around your garage._ **

Panic flared in his chest and then settled… because after all, it wasn’t like Dean was ever going to text him back. Even still, something about knowing Dean would get the message and know Cas enjoyed their game and wanted it to continue made him happy… and maybe it would make Dean happy, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, it begins.


	6. Dean

When Dean woke up that afternoon, he didn’t even think to check his phone. Everyone knew his PTO was for sleeping. He still had a few hours before Monday Night Football, but he needed some coffee. 

Once he was finally sitting on his couch sipping coffee, he looked at his phone. The text message had him nearly choking on the warm, sable liquid. Dean was not only impressed by this guy’s sense of humor, but he was instantly intrigued. 

**Dean:** **_Help yourself to anything in the garage, anytime._ **

He didn’t feel this text was enough. The dude had gone along with his shit for  _ weeks _ and now that he had reached out, Dean wanted more. 

**Dean:** **_I really thought this one would get you man, I’m impressed and quite frankly, I owe you a beer._ **

It still didn’t feel like enough, but if he responded, at least Dean would know this wasn’t one sided. This delivery man’s sense of humor had become the highlight of Dean’s week and he was honestly running out of shit to buy. He finished his coffee, still smiling over this mysterious delivery guy and then turned on the tv. 

The news was always depressing. He couldn’t figure out why he watched it to begin with, but he figured once a week couldn’t hurt. Gotta keep up on current events right? And it’s not like he could trust Sam’s conspiracy theory links on Facebook. He didn’t have to be upset with the news long, because a few moments after turning it on, his delivery guy texted back.

**253-351-7050:** **_You don’t owe me anything, Dean. Just... don’t stop. I think delivering packages to your house is the most fun I’ve had in years._ **

Dean grinned at that message.  _ Don’t stop... fuck, ima go broke!  _ Yet, for some reason, that thought didn’t upset him. What did upset him, was that  _ this _ was the most fun the guy had in years. It made Dean want to show him a good time.

**Dean:** **_I won’t stop. Although, I might have to dip into my savings to keep you smiling. You gonna tell me your name? Or should I save this number as “Amazon guy”?_ **

He realized then, that he still hadn’t dug up that package and laughed to himself. Dean had no damn clue where he even buried it. It felt like a game and he was tempted to tell the guy to hide packages every so often so he could hunt them.  _ Shit, maybe this is the most fun I’ve had in years, too. _

He threw on some shoes and made his way outside to search for the box. His phone was in his sweats pocket - so he wouldn’t miss a message - but he grabbed his shovel and began the search. It took about five minutes, but only because he started on the wrong side of the house. Amazon guy had put a rock on top like a headstone, there was no reason it should have taken so long.  _ Dude is friggin awesome.  _ Before he could start digging, his phone chimed:

**253-351-7050:** **_I’m not sure what your written correspondence habits are, but Mead envelopes are only $3. They’re included in your Prime membership’s free next-day delivery feature, and would be easier for me to carry the next time you expect me to scale your house without a ladder._ **

**253-351-7050:** **_My name is Castiel, by the way._ **

_ Castiel… that’s different.  _ Dean used to wish he had some unique name, because _ Dean  _ was just so… American. But honestly, it fit and he really couldn’t complain.

**Dean:** **_Can I call you Cas? Ima just call you Cas. You know, I had faith in you that day, but most of me thought you’d just tell me to fuck off. Glad you didn’t, you have no clue how much that made my day._ **

_ That didn’t sound pathetic at all, way to go Dean. _

**Cas:** **_You’re lucky your penis-branched tree was close enough for me to climb._ **

Dean grinned, he had forgotten about the tree branch delivery.

**Dean:** **_Another time I shouldn’t have doubted you. Did you touch it? Because if not, that might be why he rebelled._ **

He sent that, and then felt like a complete fucking creep.

**Dean:** **_Shit that came out weirder than intended, please act like I didn’t say that._ **

**Cas:** **_...... what happened between me and the tree stays between me and the tree. I promised it that I wouldn’t tell if it didn’t._ **

_ I should know better than to underestimate this guy. He told me not to. _

**Dean:** **_Dammit Cas. Is this why my entire yard has turned against me? You treatin’ them better than I have?_ **

**Cas:** **_Somehow I doubt that._ **

Dean was standing outside, leaning on his shovel and laughing at his phone. He probably looked ridiculous.

**Dean:** **_Hope so, always thought I was a generous... plant owner._ **

He pocketed his cell and dug up the box. There was a brief moment he felt bad making the guy dig a damn hole, but he didn’t seem to mind it. After he retrieved the package and patched up the hole, Dean put the mock tombstone rock back on top of the soft dirt and smiled. 

Dean opened up the box and took out the candle he definitely  _ didn’t  _ need, and then tossed the cardboard. He hadn’t heard his phone chime and had hoped he was just digging at the time, but when there was no message, he sighed.  _ Maybe the generous lover implication crossed the line? _ Dean never did well with lines.

At least Jask and Ares were coming over that night to keep him company, and they loved football just as much as he did.

~~~~

Dean was just putting the burgers together when his doorbell rang. “Come in!!” He called out, happy Ares was able to come as well. He feared Jask would come alone, since this was normally a couples thing, but Dean didn’t mind. More the merrier.

A couple of moments later, Jask walked into the kitchen with Ares right behind him. "Don't burn anything, I've had about enough of the dickwads over in Station 19 for one day." He plopped down at the kitchen table and Ares strode over to help. 

"Ignore him, the giant baby is just mad he has to fight crackheads instead of infernos. What can I do?"

“He’s always a giant baby. Never fazed me before. Course I didn’t burn it, Cole wasn’t here to fuck with my flame.” Dean saw the sad look they shared and rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming. “I’m fine.”

Jask sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. "I realize we're normally a bunch of hard-asses, but you know you don't have to fake shit around us, D. Seriously, if you're not okay, it's okay." 

"Loquacious, isn't he?" Ares winked and grabbed a bag of chips from the counter. It still kinda baffled Dean that the guy had one blue eye and one that was half brown, but it was also one of the coolest things he’d ever seen. "He's not wrong, though. I get it, as much as Jask's hair and disdain for general anarchy offend me to my every core, I'd die without him."

“I’m seriously fine. Hungry, but otherwise fine. He’s happy and it’s not like I expected it to last forever, never does. Beer?” Dean turned and walked to the fridge, hoping they’d drop it.

"Don't let him fool you, D. He'd die without me because he'd break every law known to mankind, someone has to keep his ass in check." Jask sat forward with a smirk. "And believe me, I keep that ass in check." 

"Yeah, can you make my beer a double?" Ares pursed his lips and looked at Dean, flipping off his boyfriend. "Maybe a triple, I  _ do _ have to go home with him later."

“Pfft, no. Last time you guys got all touchy on my recliner. Two beer maximum... unless you’re gonna let me watch.” Dean brought them both beers and winked.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Dean. I've been trying to get Lt. Dan over here to agree to  _ that _ for years." Ares laughed and moved quickly out of the way as Jask dove out of his seat to try and tackle him. "I'm kidding! It was Jask's idea all along, I'm the one that said no. One boy with barely-concealed daddy issues is enough for me." 

Jask blushed deeply and stood up straight, looking at Dean. "You've known him long enough to know he's lying, right? Neither of those conversations have ever happened."

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve known you both long enough to know it  _ did _ happen. Come on, food’s getting cold and kickoff is happening like... twenty seconds ago.” Dean grabbed his plate and walked to the living room, sitting on his recliner.

Unfortunately, the game turned out to be a bore. They still kept the talk to football - which Dean was happy with - and during halftime, he was able to distract them with the Amazon delivery guy stories.

"No wonder you're fine, sounds like that guy might as well have been  _ made _ from your rib." Jask elbowed him with a grin. "When's the wedding?"

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m sure he has a soulmate or something. He won’t really say anything personal, probably won’t go beyond this.”  _ Knew I shouldn’t have brought it up. _

"D, think about all the people you know that have soulmates. Have any of them  _ ever _ shut up about it? Seems more likely that he doesn't have one and thinks you'd think he's weird for not having one, honestly."

“Yeah, maybe. Probably seen me and just isn’t interested. Or maybe he’s straight.” Dean shrugged and cracked open another beer. “S’fine. I’m havin’ fun.”

Jask studied him for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, he's probably straight. You guys have been talking, right? Even if it was just friendship to him, seems to me he'd share something about himself. Are you sure you don't want me to check him out? If he works for Amazon, it's possible he could have access to information he shouldn't." You can take the guy out of the uniform, but you can't take the uniform outta the guy.

Dean actually considered it a second and then shook his head. It felt like an invasion of Cas’ privacy that  _ he _ wasn’t entitled to. “Nah. Thanks, though. Sure he just wants to keep it as this. We just started actually talking today, so it really hasn’t been that long.”  _ And I haven’t really asked.  _ Dean changed the subject back to football and made them drink another beer with him.

Sure as shit, as soon as Ares had hit beer number three, the fucker was practically in Jask's lap. He had to hand it to them, for all their bickering and banter, they were crazy about each other. Dean was thankful it was 4th quarter at this point, because they were going to be straight up fucking if this shit didn’t end soon.

When the game finally ended, Ares insisted Dean let him help with the kitchen - he wasn’t really gonna complain about that. After he finished, they made their way to the front door, and Jask put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "You know we'd do anything for you, D. If you want me to kick Cole's ass in the name of love and law, I'll do it." 

"You wanna watch, or join, or videotape us and make a fuckload of money..." Ares earned a smack in the arm from Jask at that, and grinned mischievously. "What? You said we'd do anything for him, I was just clarifying." At the bitchface he received, he leaned up to kiss Jask's cheek. "You're the only one for me, and every single one of my  _ bones  _ agrees with that."

“Hey man I’d watch you two any day, but I think my left hand deserves a date tonight. You two drive safe.” He opened the door and gave them each a hug, then chuckled to himself as they argued all the way back to their car over whether or not they should actually do it.

~~~~

Cas didn’t text back until the ass crack of dawn. Dean was still sleeping, of course, but at least he got to wake up to a text from Cas.

**Cas:** **_I’m sorry this response took me so long, I can’t really talk much when I’m at home... but your plants should be ashamed of themselves._ **

_ Can’t really talk while he’s home? That’s weird.  _ Dean filed that piece of information away for later. 

**Dean:** **_I agree. How’s your morning?_ **

Cas didn’t respond for a couple hours, and Dean didn’t notice until even later. He wasn’t used to people texting during the day, but once he saw Cas’ text, he jumped up at every vibration.

**Cas:** **_Likely the same as everyone else’s - a crisp 55 degrees and cloudy. Did you sleep well?_ **

**Dean:** **_Yup. Couple beers and some burgers put me out before 10. Guess I’m just an old man now._ **

Dean realized he knew next to nothing about his friend here, and decided to try and get to know more. 

**Dean:** **_Not really an old man, only 26. How about you, Cas?_**

**Cas:** **_Oh, I don’t think beer or burgers would put me to sleep. You’d have better luck with Ambien._ **

_ Is he deflecting?  _ Dean stared at the phone a moment before responding.

**Dean:** **_You’ve never had my burgers. And nah, I’ve never tried that. Sex helps too, not that I’m gettin’ any._ **

**Cas:** **_It only takes one to tango, you know. Don’t believe the misconceptions._ **

Dean laughed and nearly dropped his phone. He wasn’t sure if he should make a jacking off joke, but instead shrugged away the doubt and typed one anyway. 

**Dean:** **_What do you think my Monday consisted of? ;)_ **

**Cas:** **_I wasn’t aware you were into necrophilia. I don’t judge, but next time... just tell me. I won’t bother burying the body until you’re done with it._ **

**Dean:** **_Such a gentleman but I feel it’s my duty to let you know that I am not into necrophilia. My partners have all been very much alive. You did bury my lube tho._ **

_ Lies.  _ It was just a damn candle, but Cas didn’t know that. Dean didn’t feel bad about the lie, it was necessary to keep the joke going.

**Cas:** **_Blame it on the guy that told me to bury it._ **

**Cas:** **_Sorry to hear you’re not having sex, though. Your very loose-lipped neighbor told me about your ex... I’m sorry, Dean. That couldn’t have been easy._ **

And there goes his mood. 

**Dean:** **_Thanks. Just wasn’t meant to be._ **

It was suddenly Dean’s turn to deflect.

**Dean:** **_Askin’ my neighbors about me, Cas?_ **

**Cas:** **_Honestly, she brought you up. I think she has a crush on you, so if you’re into 80 year old women... tell her I put in a good word for her._ **

This made Dean laugh so loud, his co-worker threw a piece of wood at him.

“Who the hell you texting and smiling like a chick for?” Michael asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Your mom. She wants to know if you’re coming home for din-”

He was abruptly cut off by another object, followed closely by Michael’s entire body weight. They wrestled a moment, his phone clattering to the floor, and a few others came to watch and laugh.

By the time they finished, Dean was relieved his screen wasn’t cracked, but it had been a bit since he responded. He typed up a quick:

**Dean:** **_I’m laughing out loud, but it feels dumb to text a damn LOL. Poor lady couldn’t keep up, Cas. I’m kinda needy._ **

He wasn’t too surprised Cas never responded. Dean hadn’t asked a question or gave him anything to work with, in that last response, but he was still slightly disappointed. 

He finished his workday - late as usual - and then went home to take a nice long shower. His body was still adapting to the labor, and he was deliciously sore. Something about sore muscles after a long day of hard work did something for Dean. He could never sit in an office all day again.

_ Thank god Sammy was all for it.  _ His soulmate seemed happy her man didn’t come home with cuts or bruises, and he loved that office crap. Win-win.

When he finally climbed into bed that night, he checked his phone one more time and sighed. “Well... good night, Cas.” He contemplated texting it and decided not to. If Cas wanted to talk, he’d reach out.

Apparently saying goodnight to Cas triggered some sex dreams, because Dean woke up around 2am rutting against his damn mattress. What actually woke him up was his own voice, moaning Cas’ name.

His cock was achingly hard, and he reached into his boxers before he really knew what he was doing. Dean swiped at the bead of precome and slid his fist down his long, thick shaft with a groan. It had been a long time since he had a sex dream that  _ wasn’t _ about Cole. The hardest part about this one, was Dean couldn’t remember what the hell Cas looked like in the dream. Probably because he had no damn clue what the guy looked like in real life. Dream dude was hot at least, and of course he had blue eyes. 

Dean never understood why he was so obsessed with blue eyes, but he had been since he was a child. Even before puberty, he remembered looking at people’s eyes, just to see if they were blue. 

He didn’t have much to work with, but a blue eyed, Amazon delivery guy was enough to get him going. He didn’t have to see his face really, Dean was a top. His eyes squeezed shut as he stroked himself, his bottom lip between his teeth. 

_ Bending the guy over, still in his uniform.  _

_ Lifting up his shirt and pulling down his pants. _

_ Sliding in a couple fingers to drive him crazy. _

_ Lubing up his throbbing cock. _

_ No condoms, because this is my damn fantasy. _

_ Sliding inside a tight, welcoming channel and fucking the guy until he comes all over his work shirt. _

_ Filling up hi- _

With a loud groan, Dean came, all over his damn sheets.  _ Fuck! _

He’d never admit this, but he cleaned off with that side of the bed’s comforter and rolled over, quickly passing back out. He could clean his bedding tomorrow.


	7. Castiel

It was incredible how easy it was to talk to Dean. Cas was seeing a side of himself that he thought had died the day he got his x-ray, and it was starting to feel too good to be true. They’d been texting for weeks, and Dean never once pushed him to reveal anything he didn’t want to. Talking about himself was hard, especially when Dean seemed so interested in learning more about him - but every time Cas deflected, Dean would change the subject. He’d returned that favor more than once, but something about knowing Dean had secrets too actually made him feel better. 

As if he didn’t already dread going home because of Meg, he hated it even more now that the end of his shift meant the end of his conversation with Dean. He stared at the message thread on his work phone for several long seconds and then turned it on silent, tucking it into his pocket. Normally, he left it in his van just in case Meg decided to snoop, but he was relying on Dean more with each passing day and he couldn’t bring himself to leave the phone behind. 

He walked into the house and smelled pizza, which wasn’t something that happened very often at all. Cas approached cautiously after making sure to remove his boots at the door and peeked his head around the corner to the kitchen. “Meg?” 

“In here!” Her voice sounded from the living room. Cas made his way toward it and stopped dead when he saw the room full of people. “Cas, honey, come sit with me.” She patted the seat between her and an angry-looking woman, and Cas knew better than to disobey. 

“I didn’t know we were having company,” he whispered once he sat down. Meg had never asked his permission for anything, so he wasn’t sure why he was surprised and a little alarmed that there were eight people in his house that he hadn’t known were coming. 

Meg ignored him and introduced them one by one, though Cas didn’t register any of their names. Her hand was sliding up his thigh in a possessive manner, and he sat with his back ramrod straight as she recounted the ‘romantic’ story of how she traveled across the country to find him and had taken him under her wing, showing him everything he knew today about sex, love, and sales. 

His stomach churned at the many-layered lies she was telling, but what could he do? Speak up and say,  _ ‘Yes, and the only things I know regarding those topics include how to fake sex, endure love, and watch other people make sales while I mop floors.’  _

“Castiel!” Meg’s voice was sharper than the pizza cutter, and Cas jerked as he snapped out of his internal rant. “If you don’t want to be an active participant in this conversation, I see no reason to be out here. You may go, if you wish.” 

It was a double-edged sword and he knew it. That wasn’t a choice at all, she was dismissing him, but if he actually got up and left, he’d have to deal with the consequences.  _ I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.  _ He remembered the phone in his pocket, and stood up. “I’m sorry, I’m usually better company but my shift was long today, and I’m tired. It was wonderful to meet everyone and I hope I see you again soon.” He smiled politely at Meg’s coworkers and turned to walk away, but her fingers formed a vice grip around his wrist. 

She let out a forced laugh and pulled him back down. “Always making me work for it, aren’t you honey.” She kissed him, making a show of it before finally letting him go. He bit back bile as she waved him off, and nearly sprinted toward the stairs. 

He rinsed his mouth with Listerine, then crawled into bed with his clothes still on and pulled out his work phone. His heart rate quickened, he’d never tried to get away with texting Dean while Meg was so close but he had to hope she’d stay busy downstairs. Cas just really needed some laughter. 

**Castiel:** **_Hi._ **

Feeling like an idiot for the short text at a time they didn’t normally talk, he tried to think of something else to send but couldn’t come up with anything. Cas pulled the blanket over his shoulders and kept the phone close to his chest, hoping Dean wasn’t angry with him for texting so late despite it only being 9pm. 

**Dean:** **_Hey there. Didn’t think I’d ever get a night text from you._ **

Cas bit his lip and considered how much to tell him. But Dean had been incredible so far, and after what he’d just sat through downstairs, he needed to get something off of his chest. 

**Castiel:** **_Have you ever heard of soulmates not actually being compatible? As in, they don’t actually love each other? At all?_ **

**Dean:** **_Um, yeah. I’ve heard all kinds of stories. One in love, one not. None in love. Open relationships. There is no box we all fit in, the whole thing is bullshit._ **

**Dean:** **_Sorry. I have my own issues with the soulmate stuff._ **

Learning that he wasn’t alone should have been a relief, and instead, it nearly broke him in half. How many other people were in the same position he was, too scared to do anything at all because of the laws? He read the second message and brushed his thumb over the screen, wishing he could actually reach out to comfort him. 

**Castiel:** **_I should probably tell you that your neighbor told me you were a skeleton key. I’m sorry that I didn’t bring it up earlier, I just assumed if you wanted to talk about it, you’d tell me. But it would be disingenuous of me to ask you what your issues were without disclosing that I already have a pretty good idea... or, at least I think I do._ **

**Dean:** **_That’s okay. Yeah, I am. It’s... not fun, sometimes._ **

He heard a noise from down the hall and shoved the phone between his thighs, waiting until he was sure it was just someone using the restroom before pulling it back out. Cas hesitated, on one hand wanting to talk more about Dean and on the other, wanting to finally tell someone what was happening to him.

**Castiel:** **_I can imagine that being a key only gets harder as you grow older and more of the people your age end up finding their soulmate. I’m sorry, Dean. I can imagine that was a rough hand to be dealt, and I hope you don’t get discouraged by it._ **

He felt like all he ever did was apologize... to Meg, to Dean... and almost invariably about things he had no control over.

**Dean:** **_Not your fault. But thanks. What about you? You got a soulmate you don’t love, Cas?_ **

**Castiel:** **_Yes, I do._ **

The message was sent before he could think twice about it, but the second it read ‘delivered,’ Cas nearly threw up. He heaved himself to a sitting position and gripped the sides of the bed, squeezing his eyes shut and wondering why the hell it didn’t feel better to get that off his chest. Now, he just felt like an asshole, because what good did that admission do? Cas wasn’t looking for sympathy - or, maybe he was, and maybe that was half the issue.

**Dean:** **_Well, shit. I’m really fucking sorry about that. These laws are stupid. What happened to free will?_ **

He stared at the screen and slowly started breathing again. In, out, over and over until the noise in his head quieted down.  _ The laws  _ **_are_ ** _ stupid, and this  _ **_isn’t_ ** _ my will. _

**Castiel:** **_Thank you for saying that, Dean. I have to go, I’m sorry I bothered you so late. Goodnight._ **

He knew he’d already pressed his luck enough so he stood quickly, turning the phone completely off and sliding it between his mattress and boxspring. 

There would likely be hell to pay for his lack of interest in Meg’s coworkers when she finally came upstairs, but for the first time in his relationship with her, he was going to bed knowing that he wasn’t completely alone... and that was enough. 

~~~~

Meg didn’t leave him alone for a second the next morning, and no matter how many times he tried to get her to walk out of the room so he could retrieve his work phone… she wouldn’t budge. 

There was no way he could grab it with her watching, so he suffered through her dabbing make-up on his jaw and then made his way out to his car, disappointed. It was only a minor delay; when he got to work to get his route for the day, he had two stops near his house. He timed it so he’d return after Meg left for another business trip and practically raced up the stairs to the phone. 

He turned it on, and the thing practically exploded in his hand.  _ Ding. Ding. Ding. Doo-da-loo. Ding.  _

Three texts and a voicemail, all from Dean. Cas read through those quickly as he made his way back out to his van. 

**Dean:** **_Don’t be silly, you could never bother me._ **

**Dean:** **_Cas?_ **

**Dean:** **_Come on, Cas. Now I’m worried._ **

**Dean:** **_Night Cas. Hope you’re alright. I’m here if you ever wanna talk._ **

Cas’ heart hammered in his chest.  _ Dean’s worried about me?  _ He licked his lips as he stared at the notification for the voicemail, honestly not sure if he was ready to hear what Dean actually sounded like. 

_ “Hey, Cas. It’s uh... Dean. Winchester. Just a little worried about you buddy, maybe just let me know you’re okay? Um, alright. Bye.” _

He listened to it a full four times before he actually pulled back out of his driveway. The detour home cost him time he’d have to make up, but hearing that caring, honeyed tone was worth it. If Dean looked half as good as he sounded, Cas would probably never recover. He knew then that no matter what happened, he could never,  _ ever  _ meet Dean… unless he wanted to end up in prison. 

Eight stops later, he finally felt like he’d collected his thoughts and could spare a second to reply to Dean. 

**Castiel:** **_I’m sorry I disappeared like that. I usually don’t bring my work phone in the house, and I didn’t want it to be found. I shouldn’t have been so abrupt about it, I’m so sorry you were worried. I’m okay. I hope you have a good day._ **

He searched through the addresses on his route and tried not to be as heartbroken as he actually was that Dean’s still wasn’t on the list, but what did he expect? Dean had said it himself, he was going to go broke with their little game, and it was selfish of him to hope Dean spent all his money just so they could  _ not  _ see each other. 

**Dean:** **_That’s okay but I have a lot of questions, Cas. I just don’t want to pry... talk to me. I’ll leave work right now if you need help._ **

The words worked their way into his chest and clenched there, holding on for dear life. For the briefest of moments, he allowed himself to consider the possibility of telling Dean everything - of explaining the horror story he’d lived through for the past six years of his life - of  _ begging  _ him to leave work, meet him somewhere, and to make all of it just  _ stop.  _

But that possibility drowned with Dean’s next text. 

**Dean:** **_Sorry I blew up your phone, I won’t call anymore. Didn’t know it was a problem, hope I didn’t make it worse._ **

**__** _ ‘I won’t call anymore.’  _

Of course he wouldn’t. Helping someone leave a soulmate was nearly as bad as actually  _ leaving  _ a soulmate, and he’d been stupid to think that a virtual stranger would be willing to risk it all just to help him. 

Cas put his phone down for several stops, taking his time with lugging packages to doors and logging his progress. There were a thousand ways he could handle the return message, if he gave one at all, and each one had its own complications. 

He could lie. He’d never been good at it, but typing words on a phone was a little different than attempting to pull it off in person when his facial expressions would give him away. 

He could deflect, as always, but eventually… Dean would ask again and Cas would be right back in the same boat. 

Or, he could make it clear that he wasn’t looking for anything more than small talk - which, in and of itself would be a lie… but it would be the easiest way to make sure he could keep Dean around without needlessly complicating his life. 

**Castiel:** **_It’s not like that, Dean. She just… gets jealous, that’s all. I think she knows I’m not in love with her and never could be in love with her, and I try not to make that worse. You don’t need to apologize, and I also don’t need to worry about it for a couple of days. She’s on a business trip._ **

**Dean:** **_She huh? Why do you think you can never love her?_ **

This was one thing he could be honest about. It wasn’t as though the admission would get him in trouble, unless Dean told Meg, and something about that seemed unlikely. Dean himself had been with a man, so he would understand... right?

Cas puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled hard, willing himself to just type the damn words.

**Castiel:** **_Because I’m gay. I have absolutely no physical attraction to women, I never have, and I never will._ **

He watched the cursor blink next to the final period until the characters started to blur together, then hit send. Unsure if he was ready to see whatever Dean would respond to that, he switched the phone to silent mode and placed it face down on the passenger seat. For once, he didn’t have to worry about hiding from Meg since she wouldn’t be home for a few days, and if Dean was going to want to have an actual conversation about that - he’d prefer to be home. 

When he finally clocked out and made his way back into the house, he showered quickly and heated up some soup. Part of him still wasn’t ready to see whatever Dean had said, but he’d also left him waiting long enough and didn’t want to worry him again. 

He picked up his phone, seeing the response that had come in about a minute after he’d sent the last text.

**Dean:** **_Well shit. That’s a story I haven’t heard. You ever tell her?_ **

The soup was a nice distraction as he contemplated exactly how much to say.

**Castiel:** **_No, of course not. In the beginning, I was sure I was wrong about my preferences. She was my soulmate. But when years passed and I still felt nothing... it seemed like it was too late. It wouldn't matter anyway, she's not the sort to share and it wasn't exactly like I could leave._ **

**Dean:** **_That sucks man. You were never wrong, we know what we want at a young age. I was sure my soulmate would be some blue-eyed dude and then I turned out to be a stupid key. Still didn’t faze my blue eyes kink._ **

The phone clattered to the table and he thanked his lucky stars it didn’t land two inches to the right. Not many things stuck out about Castiel, but his eyes most certainly did.

His brilliantly _blue_ eyes. 

There was no good answer in Cas’ mind. He didn’t share that particular kink, and admitting that he, himself had blue eyes would sound like either a lie or a come-on. However, he  _ could _ return the favor. He thought about the things he knew about Dean that lined up with what he knew he truly wanted, and the list was surprisingly long, so it wasn’t hard to pick one. 

**Castiel:** **_I was sure my soulmate would be a man, preferably strong with rough, calloused hands. And yet... I was sorely disappointed. I understand your struggle._ **

**Dean:** **_I gotta ask. What’s the sex like when you’re not into it? I’ve personally never had trouble with any gender, but dudes are better, by far._ **

And just like that, Cas’ libido took a vacation. He frowned at the text, knowing Dean had every right to ask whatever questions he wanted - but also wanting to reach into the phone and make him take it back so they could continue talking about Dean’s hands, instead. 

**Castiel:** **_Imagine you want pie. Like really, really want pie - you’re craving it so badly you’ll die without it, and you think you’re finally going to get a pie - but the damn thing is filled with asparagus instead of apples._ **

**Castiel:** **_That. That’s what the sex is like._ **

And now, thinking about being with her just made him nauseous. Cas was enjoying the rest of conversation though, but he needed to find a way to get his mind back on board - so as he waited for the response, he listened to Dean’s voicemail again. He smiled to himself at the sound of Dean’s voice and closed his eyes to try and put a face to it. 

**Dean:** **_That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Ever. Must love when she’s outta town then._ **

**Castiel:** **_Why?_ **

He was genuinely confused, other than the break from having terrible asparagus sex with her, not much changed in that department when she was gone.

**Dean:** **_Don’t you have “me time”? I’d be takin’ days off work to jerk it while she’s gone._ **

**Dean:** **_Sorry, is that too much info?_ **

Cas squirmed, his soup long forgotten as he reached down to dig the heel of his palm into his crotch. Dean’s forearm was still painted in his mind’s eye from the single glimpse he’d gotten of it, and it didn’t take much to fabricate a dirty, rough hand to go with it. 

_ Too much? More like not enough.  _

**Castiel:** **_No, it’s not. I suppose I would do it more often if it actually gave me what I wanted, but it doesn’t._ **

**Dean:** **_Are you sayin’ you’re missin’ something, Cas? A little friend maybe? ;)_ **

**Castiel:** **_I can’t believe I actually told you that._ **

Cas panicked, wiping his hands on his bee pajama pants and standing up, pacing back and forth by the table.  _ What if Dean’s a bottom, too? Or worse... what if he’s a top? I’m already unreasonably obsessed with him. It doesn’t matter. There’s no way he’ll tell me, just... change the damn subject. _

He lurched toward the table and picked up his phone, hastily typing out another message. 

**Castiel:** **_do you like horror movirs_ **

_ Shit. _

**Castiel:** **_movies*_ **

**Dean:** **_Hey no judgement here, man. My hand does the trick just fine for me._ **

**Dean:** **_I read movirs in a French accent. Course, I like horror movies._ **

Cas let out a sigh of relief. If he dwelled too much on Dean’s comment about his hand being enough, he’d turn it into an admission that Dean  _ was  _ a top. 

**Castiel:** **_Maybe I’m French. I probably look more Russian, to be honest. But what’s your favorite horror movie?_ **

Safely back in normal conversation, Cas dumped out the rest of his soup and made his way to bed, clutching the phone tight to his chest. 


	8. Dean

Dean chuckled to himself. So,  _ Mr. Amazon Guy _ was a damn bottom. Who knew? He was a little disappointed he deflected that subject, but he reminded himself that Cas had a damn soulmate. That was a dangerous road they almost traveled down.

They talked all that night, hell they talked for multiple nights, and Dean already preferred when Cas’ chick was on a business trip. 

But by night number three, Dean was itching to hear Cas’ voice. He was also getting headaches from his phone screen and the endless texting. He wasn’t complaining though, this was the most he’s talked to anyone in a very long time, including Cole. 

**Dean:** **_Hey Cas… no pressure. Can I call you?_ **

The response came almost instantly. 

**Cas:** **_Yes._ **

Dean took a breath and hit call. He was sleepy as hell, but he just wasn’t ready to end the night. He knew their time was limited.

When Cas answered, Dean was  _ not _ prepared for the deep, alluring voice on the other end. “Hello, Dean.”

“H-hey Cas.” Dean cleared his throat. “Screen was gettin’ kinda blurry.”

“I know the feeling. I’m not used to looking at one this late at night, or this often at all.” Cas was silent for a moment. “I’m glad you called though, maybe now I can stop listening to that voicemail you left.”

Dean felt his cheeks heat up and he chuckled. “You saved it? I can leave a better one, if ya want.”

“Actually, yes. That would be great... I don’t like the reminder that I worried you.”

He knew his cheeks would be sore from all the smiling, by the end of the night. “What you want me to say?” He licked his lips, hoping Cas would take the bait. “Anything you want.”

The asshole let out a noise that sounded an awful friggin lot like a muffled moan. “Don’t tempt me, Dean. Surprise me.”

“M’sorry. Maybe I’ll just say somethin’ like,  _ ‘Cas... you forgot a package at my house. Come get it’  _ would that be better?”

There was a soft thud and a shuffling sound like Cas dropped his phone, and his voice was even lower when he spoke. “Yes and no. It depends on which part of me you’re asking.”

“Your voice always this deep, man?”

“After puberty? Yes.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, but he couldn’t help it. This voice was definitely going to haunt his dreams tonight.

“It’s... fuckin’ hot, Cas.”

He hoped he didn’t cross a line, but he was too tired to sugarcoat anything.

Cas huffed. “So is everything about you, and I’ve never even seen you.”

Dean grinned widely. “You wanna?” He chewed his bottom lip. “We can... get that beer I owe you.”

“Dean... I would love to, but I can’t. I’m sorry if I lead you to believe this would be something more, but I’m bonded. I can’t stand it, but it’s true... and I’m afraid if I saw you, I...” He trailed off, sounding exasperated. “It would be incredibly hard for me if we met. I understand if this changes things for you.”

“Nah man. It’s fine.” Dean closed his eyes tightly, pushing away his disappointment. “I get it, really. Just... wanna know what you look like.”  _ And what color eyes you have, but I’m not goin’ there. _

“I have dark hair, and you might not believe this, but... I do have blue eyes.”

Dean’s phone slid from his hand and slipped under his covers. “Shit. Hold on.” He had to move around to grab it and bring it back to his ear. “Sorry, phone fell.” Dean sighed. “Course you do. Mine are green.”

Cas sucked in a breath and let it out hard. “Of course you do.” Another pause. “I’m sorry, Dean. I wish things were different, you have no idea. Ever since I learned what sex was, I’ve wanted one thing... and I’ll never get it.”

“There are other ways... you never been to a sex shop? They got all you need.”

“I... haven’t, no.”

“Check one out. I hear you should start small and work your way up, but I can tell you’re one of those overachievers. Get the size you want. I’d go with you if you wanted... as friends.” He felt real stupid after saying all that, and had to take his covers off from the full, body blush.

“Dean...” The disappointment in Cas’ voice was as clear as if he could see his damn face. “Maybe I should be more blunt. If I see you, even just a picture... this will become real to me in a way I won’t be able to ignore. And I have to ignore it. I have to.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that fact more than Dean, which was only accented by the strain in his voice as he said it.

“Sorry. I’ll... stop askin’.” Dean put a hand over his eyes and released a groan. “Sucks, man. But it’s okay. I understand. I still want to be your friend.”

“I want that too, and Dean? Maybe you... don’t have to stop flirting.” There was a shuffling like Cas was snuggling into bed, and then he added, “I like it.”

Dean felt better at that, that was something he didn’t have control over. “Well thank god for that, cause that is just who I am. Especially when I like someone.”

“Oh? And... do you like anyone, Dean?”

“You, genius.” Dean grinned. “You’re awesome.”

“Mmm. Congratulations, Dean. You’re the first one to figure that out... I wonder what your prize will be?”

Dean chuckled to himself, but he knew he’d never get the prize he really wanted. “What are my options?”

"Well, I'd offer you a free trial to Amazon Prime, but something tells me you already have that," Cas teased. "So I suppose I'll have to get creative... though I'll be honest, I don't have much."

_ Yeah, you do. You have everything.  _ Dean cleared his throat. “Just talkin’ to you is better than any prize.”  _ Fuck... that wasn’t much better. _

Silence stretched between them for long enough that Dean thought Cas might've hung up, but then he spoke in a voice so quiet and scratchy it was hard to make out. "I like you too, Dean. And maybe that's unfair of me to say all things considered, but... I do."

“Yeah...”  _ Not like romance ever came easy for me. Course I’d start falling for the damn unavailable delivery guy with a soulmate.  _ “Life’s pretty unfair.”

Cas let out a controlled breath. "Maybe one day the laws will change."

“Maybe. My brother wants to be a lawyer and if anyone’s gonna change the world, it’s him.” Dean smiled to himself.

"There are days I think it's worth the risk, and others when I'm thinking a little more clearly. I have a feeling that getting fucked and getting  _ prison _ fucked are two completely different experiences, and I'm not very excited about the latter."

_ That was dark. _ Dean cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’d imagine so.”  _ Wish I could show you the former.  _ “It’s bullshit, Cas. We should be able to choose who we want. If the laws changed tomorrow, what would you do?”

"Honestly?" Silence. "I'd be on your doorstep in a heartbeat. I'd leave her and never look back."

Dean sighed. “You’d have a place to stay. No matter the time or day, just come here and you have a home. Regardless of the law.”

"I can't put either one of us in that position, Dean. You know as well as I do that we'd both end up in jail if we were caught, and I can't let that happen just because I'm selfish."

“No I get it. I just wanted those words out there, so they are known.”  _ This was going downhill. Fuck...  _ “What are you wearin’?” Dean literally face-palmed himself and busted up laughing.

Cas joined in, the sound low and quiet. "A ratty old t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with pretzels on them."

“No shit? I’m wearing my hot dog ones. Think it’s a sign we gotta join the fair and run away... or is that the circus? I dunno, you get it.”

"I think the hot dog and pretzels are more accurate to a...  _ ball _ game."

Dean grinned and slid his tongue across his lip. “I think you’re right. No shirt for me though, I run hot at night.”

"How convenient, I run cold." Cas yawned, reminding Dean how incredibly late it actually was.

“You should get some sleep, Cas. Can we talk again tomorrow?”

A deep sigh answered his question even before the words were out. “She’s coming back tomorrow, so when I get off work I’ll be leaving my phone in my van. This is my work number, although... I’m sure you figured that out already.”

“Oh right, yeah. Alright well, text me... whenever. I’m here...” he paused a few seconds. “Night, Cas.”

"Goodnight, Dean."

Dean set his phone aside and draped his arm over his eyes. It took a while before he fell asleep, unable to shake the notion that something more was going on with Cas.

In the morning, he called to leave that voicemail. He was worried Cas would just answer, but really hoped he wouldn’t. Dean was pretty confident in himself, but when it beeped, he got butterflies like a teenage asshole.

_ “Hey Cas. It’s Dean. Just wanted to let you know you forgot a package at my house. I’ll hold onto it for you, but one day, you’re gonna have to come get it.” _

When Cas’ demon got home, Dean was back to being bored as hell every night. He felt so bad for the guy. All he wanted was to bottom, and his dumb soulmate couldn’t even do that for him. Pegging was a thing, why was she such an insecure bitch?

He found himself hating a woman he didn’t know for multiple reasons, the main being that she got Cas. Dean didn’t even care what he looked like anymore. Well, he did. But he was already in too deep at this point. He liked Cas. Like…  _ liked _ him. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself, Cas was very clear from the gate he wasn’t looking for more and here Dean was, inserting himself into the guy’s life. 

He couldn’t stay in the damn house anymore and headed out for a drive, and found himself driving around, wondering if all the dark haired guys were Cas. It was dumb. But he couldn’t help it, he just  _ had _ to know what he looked like. He went to a diner, ate too much pie - not that  _ that  _ was a thing - and then went back home. 

~~~~

The next few weeks dragged on. He and Cas would talk a lot during the day, but they both had full time jobs, they could only respond so many times an hour. Dean had been slacking at work, but who cared, he was kinda the boss out there anyway. They teased a little, but Dean didn’t care. He knew he looked like a lovestruck idiot.

When Cas let him know Meg would be leaving again in a couple weeks, Dean couldn’t fucking wait. He even went online and ordered Cas a  _ me time  _ gift, hoping the guy could finally have the release he needed without breaking any laws.

When he went to get groceries that evening, he ran into Cole. 

It was awkward, as expected. But it helped Dean realize he was already moving on. Seeing him didn’t hurt, not like Dean thought it would. He looked happy, even touched his arm and Dean felt nothing at the gesture. He told them he was happy for them and for the first time, he meant it.

On the drive home, he realized there was one person in particular he could thank for helping him move on. He didn’t know if that was good or bad yet.

~~~~

Football was the only thing Dean looked forward to on Sundays. Well, sleep too, and food. Oh, and jacking off. Maybe Sundays weren’t so bad. But it was the day of the week he almost  _ never  _ spoke to Cas. It sucked. He heard a knock and for a brief moment, he thought it might be Cas.  _ Yeah right. _ It wasn’t. It was a box, with a note from his neighbor:

_ This came to my house by accident yesterday. Didn’t want to knock too late at night. - Marge _

Dean chuckled to himself.  _ Hope you didn’t open it, Marge.  _

The FedEx box made him grin, he had already connected packages to Cas at this point. But  _ this  _ box was actually the gift  _ for _ Cas. 

He knew he shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t fucking help it. The guy was… well, Dean didn’t know how old, but he was soulmates with some chick he wasn’t even attracted to. Poor guy needed some dick, even if the dick was fake.

Dean didn’t cheap out either, he got Cas a top of the line cock and even included some lube and cleaner. He opened it and grinned, knowing it was an inch smaller than his own, but he needed to leave some mystery, right? Maybe not. Maybe he should have just gotten his exact size, just so he could jack off to the idea of his dick sliding inside Cas.  _ Too late now.  _ His dick twitched at the thought, no matter the size of it,  _ this  _ dick might be inside of Cas one day. Dean shuddered and dropped it back in the box.

He grabbed the only wrapping paper he had, and then remembered he was Dean Fucking Winchester, Dean didn’t do nothing halfassed. With that thought, he pumped himself up enough to pull off the green flannel he was wearing, and rolled it into a ball, placing it inside. He grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled out a note: 

_ I had to use FedEx. I know... I’m so sorry, it feels as though I betrayed you. But if it helps. The present is for you, my friend here needs a home. Open alone.  _

_ Also, if you’re wondering... add an inch ;) _

He taped the box, wrapped it with some old Christmas themed wrapping paper and then taped the note on top - so Cas would read it before he got to the rest of the stuff. 

“That’ll do.” 

He grabbed his phone and ordered those dumb envelopes he’d never use and chose next day delivery. 

_ I gotta see... Just this once... Time to use some PTO. _

Dean took a breath and called John.

“Dean? Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just not comin’ in tomorrow. Not feelin’ so hot.”

John scoffed. “Didn’t you just have a cold?”

“Like months ago, yeah. This a problem?” Dean asked, harsher than necessary. He wasn’t in the mood for John right now.

“No need to take that tone. You need the day, take the damn day.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.” He hung up before he could respond.

John always fucked with his mood, but as soon as he glanced at the present, he smiled.

This was either going to make Cas’ whole sex life, or completely ruin their friendship.  _ Guess we’ll see. _

~~~~

Dean hardly slept that night. He was so excited to not only give Cas the box, but to  _ see  _ him. Not that he’d ever tell Cas. He was perfectly clear that he didn’t want them seeing each other, and Dean was technically cheating. He just had to fucking know.

He chose a delivery time so he wouldn’t have to stand by a window all day, but it was an hour range time frame. Cas would be on his porch anytime between 12 and 1pm. 

At 11:45, Dean put the present on the porch and then went to sit on the couch, peeking outside like a damn creep.  _ Come on, Cas. Come on… _

The delivery instructions he left were simple:

_ Please leave it under swing on the porch. Take a box, leave a box. _

Hopefully Cas would think it was just another pie.

By 12:20, Dean was pacing.  _ Come on. I gotta piss. Shoulda peed before noon, dammit. _

He couldn’t fucking wait, he sprinted to the bathroom, peed as fast as he could, and washed his hands so fast his mom would slap the back of his head. But it ended up being a good thing, because he heard the slam of a van door just as he ran back towards the window.

_ There he is.  _

Dean’s heart was pounding in his chest. Cas was walking up  _ right now, _ and Dean was finally going to see his face.

When Cas stood next to the swing, Dean’s breath caught in his throat. He was fucking gorgeous! Of course, he was gorgeous. His scruff alone had Dean biting his bottom lip and his strong jaw and messy sex hair nearly had Dean opening the front door right then. But he couldn’t see his damn eyes. He tried so hard. Cas picked up the present and even glanced towards the window, but Dean still couldn’t see his eyes. He was hiding behind his drapes, which constricted his view, but he had hoped to get at least  _ one _ glance. 

After his eyes dropped down at the box, Cas smiled as he read the note. It changed his entire face and lit a flame inside of Dean’s chest. 

When Cas retreated towards his van, Dean sank into the couch. 

Cas was fucking beautiful, and completely off limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we hug our poor donut? He’s so in love and he hasn’t even seen Cas’ beautiful blue eyes.


	9. Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone in the mood for some smut?

His trip to Dean’s was… strange. Stranger than normal, if that was even possible. Cas couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched, and not even a quick glance toward the empty house could convince him otherwise. 

The ‘take a box, leave a box’ notes were his favorite, mainly because they required no physical exertion on his part. But also maybe because those were the only gifts he ever received, and both times it had happened had felt like Christmas to him - which was only made more fitting by the Santa Claus wrapping paper.

Part of him wanted it to be another pie but the weight felt off, and when he tilted it, he didn’t hear the pie pan smacking against the edge. He didn’t hear  _ anything  _ hitting the side of the box, which confused him. It definitely wasn’t empty, it was too heavy to just be air… maybe it was a pillow or something? 

Cas decided against opening it in his van, he wanted to be home and comfortable before he found out what was inside. The suspense was half the fun anyway, so he spent the rest of his shift daydreaming about what the package could possibly contain but never came up with a decent guess. 

Meg was already gone on her next trip when he walked into the house, and relief flooded through him. The fact that she traveled so often was probably the only reason he was still sane; the frequent breaks from her helped him cope with the unbelievably shitty reality he found himself in.

The box taunted him as he cooked himself dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, and showered. He was practically crawling out of his skin with anticipation by the time he finally sat down on the living room floor by the fireplace and prepared to open it. He’d grabbed a fork, just in case it  _ was  _ pie, but his instincts were telling him whatever it was probably wasn’t edible. 

Cas peeled back the tape on the wrapping paper carefully, like tearing even a centimeter of it would ruin its contents. He chuckled to himself at the FedEx box and the reminder of Dean’s note, which he pulled out of the pocket of his sweatpants to read again.  _ ‘Also, if you’re wondering... add an inch ;)’  _

Yes, on second read… that definitely didn’t sound like pie. He tore open the box, all gentleness completely forgotten… and frowned at the green pile of fabric.  _ Add an inch? Is he trying to tell me he’s overweight? What would I care about that? _

He lifted the shirt and yelped as a thick, veiny penis smacked him in the leg. Cas’ body temperature rose as the twin bottles rolled across the carpet and he reached forward to snatch one up.  _ Lubricant… and…  _ he grabbed the other and read the label.  _ Toy cleaner.  _

Out of instinct, he looked around to see if Meg was somehow sneaking up on him. When he confirmed he was still very much alone, he wrapped his hand around the base of the dildo and held it up. Even though it wasn’t real, it was still the only cock he’d ever held other than his own, and that realization had his actual member chubbing up in his pants.  _ Dean got me this. He wants me to use this, to f-  _

_ Thoink.  _

The silicone dildo bounced off the hearth and came flying back at him, and he squeaked as he ducked out of the way. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing became erratic, until he stopped for a second to ask himself  _ why.  _

_ It’s just a toy. Just a dildo, it’s not real. Meg isn’t here. Dean isn’t here. You can touch it, no one is going to judge you or arrest you or anything of the sort. You’ve wanted this your entire life, and this is arguably the closest you’ll ever get to another cock. Dean has no idea the actual  _ **_gift_ ** _ this present really is, and you’d be an asshole not to actually put it to good use.  _

He picked it up again, running his finger down the shaft and over the balls. The thing actually had  _ balls.  _ The note popped into his mind again and he mentally added an inch, lurching forward a little when his natural thought progression led to dirtier places.  _ If Dean was referring to his own, then… as good as this is going to feel, Dean’s would feel even better.  _ Cas wondered if that was why Dean did all of this… so Cas would imagine it was  _ his  _ cock buried inside of him instead of one purchased online. 

Reason told him to clean the thing before he even considered letting it anywhere near him, and after he was done with that, he was irrevocably turned on. He’d pretended it was Dean’s as he washed it, guiding his hands slowly over it to map out every inch, every vein, every curve. The whole thing made him shiver, and he experimentally stuck his tongue out and licked over the tip. Despite trying several times over the course of his life, he’d never been able to get anywhere near his own… but this one was  _ right  _ there. 

It tasted like silicone, which probably should have been a mood killer - yet he pushed the solid mass past his lips anyway and relished the stretch. How many times had he fantasized about sucking someone off? About taking someone deeper until he couldn’t breathe; having thick, hot ropes of come slide down his throat? 

He gripped the balls and pushed it further in, closing his eyes and trying his best to pretend that it was real. Cas flicked his tongue under the head and moaned, imagining precome dripping out and getting his first real taste - not just of  _ someone,  _ but of  _ Dean.  _

The moan he let out only expanded his throat, and his eyes shot open as the pressure finally gave way and it dipped inside. It hurt like hell, and he pulled it out quickly - ignoring the string of saliva that went with it. He glanced down as he swallowed repeatedly to see his sweatpants completely tented, and realized exactly how badly he wanted it. A couple of quick steps later and he was pushing his waistband down to set himself free over the sink and stroking himself as he fucked his own mouth with that dildo. No,  _ Dean  _ fucked his mouth. 

_ Dean, with big, rough hands, gripping my hair and forcing me to take all of him.  _

_ Dean, with a voice like molten honey, telling me I’m doing such a good job sucking him.  _

_ Dean, with a cock an inch bigger, coming down my -- _

Cas choked on that dildo as he came into the kitchen sink, his hips bucking into his own fist and his knees threatening to give out altogether. He dropped the dildo to reach down and squeeze his balls, twisting his hand to milk every last bit from himself - something he desperately wished he could do to Dean. 

He felt like jelly when it was done, and shame threatened to wash over him as he looked at the mess he’d made. But it didn’t happen; he’d gotten off while blowing a toy - and that was okay. It wasn’t the same as getting what he’d always wanted, and he hadn’t even made it far enough to get a single  _ finger  _ inside of himself, but he had almost two full weeks until Meg would be back. 

There was time. 

~~~~

He’d gone straight to bed that night after cleaning out the sink. He hadn’t even bothered picking the fake cock up off the floor, which he was reminded of the second he walked downstairs to make himself breakfast in the morning. 

Cas’ entire body flushed at the sight and he chose to box it back up before eating, but the sight of the green flannel stopped him in his tracks. He’d been so surprised and then instantly turned on by the  _ other  _ things in his present that he’d completely forgotten about the shirt. He picked it up, studying the faded tag in the back and the worn out threads, and the faint smell of cologne reached his nose. He leaned in and took a deep breath through his nose, and all at once… it hit him. 

That was  _ Dean’s  _ shirt. Cas’ heart swelled and sank and rose again, because he now had something even better than a surrogate, incorrectly-sized toy - he had something that truly belonged to Dean. He shrugged out of his own shirt and quickly put it on, smiling to himself at the fact that it was big on him, which meant  _ Dean  _ was bigger than he was. He wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed, clenching the sleeves in his fists and bringing them back to his nose. “Thank you, Dean,” he whispered. 

_ Dean. I never - oh my god!  _

Cas bolted to his phone, picking it up and texting him quickly. 

**Castiel:** **_I feel like an asshole for not texting you last night, but… I got distracted by the box. I don’t think ‘thank you’ covers it, even though I still haven’t put it to its proper use._ **

He laughed to himself and tucked the bottles and dildo back in the box, then took the steps two at a time to find a hiding place for it. Keeping it in the house at all was dangerous, he didn’t even want to  _ think  _ about what Meg would do to him if she found it - but he had days and days to figure out a better place to keep it, and he certainly wasn’t ready for it to be out of reach just yet. Soon, hopefully very soon, it would end up where it belonged. 

**Dean:** **_Holy shit. I thought you hated me!_ **

_ Yikes.  _ Cas flinched, feeling bad about leaving Dean hanging for so long. That wasn’t a good way to treat a friend, especially one that had gone to such lengths to make him happy. 

**Castiel:** **_No! God, I'm sorry, Dean. I... well, I'm very grateful, let's just put it that way._ **

**Dean:** **_Well good. Shit I hardly slept. Called out of work._ **

**Dean:** **_It’s okay though, I’m sure that was a little awkward for you. I just... wanted you to have that experience. Even if it isn’t with me._ **

There were a few responses that popped into Cas’ mind, and a couple of them were even appropriate. But something had been nagging at him all night, and Dean had opened this particular door, after all… 

**Castiel:** **_I called out too… for different reasons. Speaking of which... you know I have to ask, right? Are you really an inch bigger?_ **

**Dean:** **_Yeah... I didn’t want to do the exact size, in case you didn’t wanna think about that specifically. But yeah, inch longer, only a little thicker though, girth was pretty spot on._ **

He thought about the way the thing had stretched his mouth and shuddered, tucking his lip between his teeth. They were quickly diving into territory he knew they shouldn't, but it was a little too late to stop as far as Cas was concerned. 

**Castiel:** **_I did think about it, specifically. I hope that's okay, I... thought that's what you wanted._ **

**Dean:** **_I did, yeah. Just didn’t wanna assume you wanted the same._ **

**Dean:** **_Wait... so you thought about it??_ **

Cas' stomach flipped twice and sent adrenaline spiking through his chest. He wasn't sure if that was the reason his rib was burning, but it wasn't something he cared to think about at that moment. There was decidedly only one thing on his mind. 

**Castiel:** **_Yes, I did. I should clarify I didn't use it quite the way you intended me to, I don't think... but I'll get there. It would probably be easier for me to picture the real thing if I could see it..._ **

**Dean:** **_Gonna have to say the words Cas. Nothin’ worse than an unsolicited dick pic._ **

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy, and it actually comforted him that it wasn't. 

**Castiel:** **_I'm asking you to prove you're an inch bigger than that dildo you sent me._ **

**Dean:** **_Gimme a min_ **

_ Oh my god, he’s actually going to do it.  _ Cas stared wide-eyed at his screen, refusing to even blink so he wouldn’t miss when the picture came in. He was practically squirming thinking about Dean pulling himself out of his pants.  _ He’ll be hard, right? That’s a thing?  _ He licked his lips, breathing quickly at the thought of Dean jacking off to get himself there.  _ Come on! What the hell is taking so long, please, Dean…  _

**Dean:** **_You sure? Cause I’m all ready now_ **

Cas let out a groan, his fingers typing without his brain really comprehending what he was saying. 

**Castiel:** **_Please?_ **

A video came in with Dean’s fist around his cock. He slid up and down slowly, his hips bucking when he swiped the tip with his thumb and then he released it, his long thick shaft in perfect view. And then it ended.

It was singlehandedly the hottest thing he'd ever seen, but it ended entirely too soon. Cas wanted - no, he  _ needed  _ \- more. He wasn't sure if that was all Dean was willing to give or not, but he was outright panting at the sight and it still wasn't enough. 

**Castiel:** **_Hold on, I can't breathe._ **

**Castiel:** **_Okay._ **

_ Just do it. _

**Castiel:** **_Can I... can I see you come? Just once, and I promise I won't ask for anything else._ **

**Dean:** **_Call me and say please._ **

As if his internal panic over this wasn’t already bad enough, he nearly crawled out of his skin with that request. He’d have to say it - out loud - that he wanted to see Dean come so badly he was shaking with it. His fingers fumbled over the keys and he pressed ‘call’ before he could chicken out, not having any idea what the hell he was actually supposed to say. 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean was shuffling around on the other end.

He didn't have it in him to even say hello. "Please, Dean." His voice was wrecked, and he squeezed his crotch over his sweatpants. "Please, I - I know I've already asked too much of you, but I..." he trailed off and swallowed, closing his eyes.

“Mmm... Cas... say my name one more time.” Now it was obvious Dean was jacking off as they spoke.

_ “Dean...” _ It came out much more like a plea than anything else, but Cas didn't care. The sounds coming through his phone were so hot Cas gripped himself under his sweatpants and let out a whine. "Dean, I'm so hard it hurts... please let me see it."

“Okay, sweetheart. One min.” Dean hung up without another word.

The pet name took a second to register in Cas’ mind, but when it did, he knew he’d never be the same. It didn’t matter what Dean looked like when he came, the term of sheer endearment did things to him that sex itself probably never could. But before he could even recover from that, another video came in. 

Dean’s cock was slick with lube, looking even bigger than it had in the last one. He was pumping much faster and releasing every few seconds, letting Cas see he was leaking and throbbing for him. 

“Fuck, Cas. Ass feels so tight. Bounce on it, sweetheart.” He groaned. “So good... gonna make me come, baby. Ah fuck, Cas!” Dean swiped the head one last time and then pumped the base, grunting with each spurt of come that coated his cock. Cas expected the video to end but instead, he got to listen to Dean take deep, ragged breaths, as he slowly used his own come as lube. 

When it ended, Cas stared slack-jawed at the screen for several seconds. He stood corrected from earlier,  _ that  _ was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, or heard, or heard  _ of.  _ The desire to be there in person next time was so incredibly overwhelming that he nearly called Dean back to ask if his offer for shelter had been serious; he couldn’t imagine that a single day with Dean wouldn’t be worth spending the rest of eternity in prison. 

He was shaking hard enough that he made about a dozen mistakes with his next text, and had to backspace several times until it was legible. 

**Castiel:** **_You’ve ruined me, for everyone and anyone else._ **

**Dean:** **_Should I go clean up, or you gonna return the generosity?_ **

**Dean:** **_that wasn’t clear enough. Let me see you come for me._ **

Cas nearly dropped his phone. He was nodding to himself like a bobblehead, completely unseen by Dean, or anyone else for that matter. He wanted to come for Dean so badly his cock was threatening to do it without even being touched. 

**Castiel:** **_Give me a few minutes. I want to do it right._ **

He bit his lip, wondering exactly how far he should take the return video. Dean had given him everything he asked for and some small part of him wanted to do even better, to somehow make himself memorable to someone like Dean, who had been with people vastly more experienced than himself. 

A half-formed plan entered his mind and he scrambled back up the stairs to dig the box out from under the pile of clothes in his closet.  _ This is insane. It has to be cheating… right? This counts as cheating?  _ But every time he turned over the possibility in his mind, he came up short. Unless Dean told, or she somehow found the videos, no one would ever know it happened. And they didn’t even know what the other looked like; how could that be cheating? It was basically like watching very,  _ very  _ personalized porn… and that wasn’t illegal. 

Cas stripped down completely and then thought better of it; he grabbed Dean’s flannel from the end of his bed where it had landed and put it back on, messing a couple of times with the buttons until he finally decided to button it almost all the way. He still had bruises on his torso and scars that wouldn’t be easily explained, and it was better for everyone involved if they just stayed out of sight like his face was going to. 

It took longer than he cared for to find a good angle for his phone, one that would show the important bits while hiding his identity - but once that was set up… he got to work. Cas opened himself up slowly with the lube Dean had gotten him, making sure that by the time he finally,  _ finally  _ got something thicker than his fingers inside of him, he would be absolutely  _ leaking  _ for it. 

When he thought he could take the fake cock without tearing anything, he suctioned it to the hardwood floor by his bed and set the timer on his phone’s camera. He had ten seconds to get into position, and at the sound of the little  _ beep,  _ he lowered himself down. 

The stretch was instantaneous and the muscles of his entrance fought him every step of the way. He gasped, tilting his head back as he pulled back up, wondering if the thing was just  _ too  _ big for him to take. But Cas was determined, and the knowledge that he was filming himself and Dean wanted it spurred him on.  _ I’ll get to watch this later… watch myself take my very first cock. Dean might even use it, use it to get off… to come for  _ **_me._ **

He sunk down again, further this time, until the silicone head slipped past the tight ring and he was clenched around the shaft. Cas was grateful he’d gone a little overboard with the lube, because it made taking more and more of the thing easier for him and he was so eager to feel it filling him up that he wasn’t being as careful as he should. 

Dean’s videos played in his mind, from the first one that was just a tease to the one that drove him absolutely insane… the one with the comeshot and the dirty talk that would haunt his fantasies for the rest of his life. He wanted it to be Dean’s cock inside of him so desperately that for a moment, he forgot he was trying to take it slow. 

The breath punched from his lungs as he bottomed out and his hand shot out to grip the side of the bed to steady himself. His other hand wrapped around his length and he stroked, beginning to lift himself off the dildo and take it back in again. 

The initial burn faded out, and the next thing he knew he was moaning Dean’s name as he bounced and rocked his hips, jerking himself almost violently because it felt so  _ unbelievably  _ fucking good to finally have something in his ass, even if it wasn’t the real thing. He came embarrassingly quickly after that, painting the front of Dean’s flannel with the evidence of how much he enjoyed being fucked. 

Cas’ come down was awkward; he pulled himself off and crawled forward on his knees to reach his phone, stopping the video as quickly as he could. He was out of breath and somehow still horny, so he rolled onto the bed and licked his lips.  _ I should… just make sure it doesn’t look ridiculous, or show my face anywhere.  _

He hit play, immediately noticing that there was no audio. He messed with the volume buttons on his phone and the mute feature on the playback app, and yet, no sound. That was kind of a bummer, as mildly embarrassed as he was that he’d been nearly screaming Dean’s name, he thought it would do something for Dean to hear it like Dean’s words had done to him. 

The video started slowly and Cas winced at how clumsy he looked trying to get going, but he and Dean both knew it was his first time so that had to be forgiven, right? But the angle he’d chosen was almost  _ too  _ good; he could perfectly see the skin-colored cock splitting him open and his own twitched at the sight. He rolled slightly onto his side, propping the phone up against a pillow and reaching around to toy with himself again - moaning out loud at how open he still was. Three fingers slid in with ease, and as he watched himself ride that dildo, he jacked off again. 

It seemed like video-him was going to finish first - and he did - but as he watched his dripping cock come closer to the camera with the dildo swinging behind him, Cas grunted and came a second time. 

He was nervous as hell loading it into his message thread with Dean, but something told him it would be okay despite the obvious awkwardness. Maybe it wasn’t the best amateur porno ever made, but it was real, and it was him… and he hit send before he could change his mind. 


	10. Dean

Dean watched that video multiple times, and his cock was fully hard by the second time through. He stroked himself, wishing he could hear Cas’ sounds. But maybe Cas was just shy? He didn’t want Dean to hear him for a reason, right? 

Cas wearing his damn shirt had him coming  _ way _ faster than he’d ever admit out loud, and after he came that second time, he quickly responded to Cas. 

**Dean:** **_Fuck, that was the hottest thing I ever saw. Wish there was sound. Did you moan my name, Cas?_ **

He rushed to the bathroom to clean up while he waited for Cas to text back. The chime finally went off as he washed his hands.

**Castiel:** **_An embarrassing number of times, yes. I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened with the audio. I don’t take a lot of videos._ **

_ So, that wasn’t on purpose?  _ That actually made Dean feel better.

**Dean:** **_Do I have your permission to save it? I’d like to use it... for the rest of my life._ **

He read Cas’ response with one eye closed, once again hoping he didn’t push Cas too far.

**Castiel:** **_Only if I can save yours._ **

Dean relaxed. 

**Dean:** **_Course you can. Looks like you need to wash my shirt._ **

**Dean:** **_You know I wore that all day_ **

**Castiel:** **_Don’t remind me, it won’t smell like you anymore. I’m tempted to just leave it the way it is... especially now that I know you actually wore it._ **

The fact that he wanted it to smell like him had Dean’s stomach doing flips. He really wanted to know what Cas smelled like too, but decided to wait on that.

**Dean:** **_I can leave a new one out for you and you can leave that one here. I’ll wash it._ **

**Dean:** **_You know, take a shirt and leave a shirt ;)_ **

**Castiel:** **_I’d rather you not have a days-old experience with my come, Dean. I can wash it... but I would greatly appreciate a new one._ **

**Dean:** **_That works too. Just tell me when to leave one out. Is my cologne okay?_ **

**Castiel:** **_I’ll come whenever you want me to._ **

**Castiel:** **_I mean that both ways, just... for the record._ **

**Castiel:** **_and the cologne is better than okay, you smell incredible. Is it weird that I know what you smell like, sound like, how you think, where you live, what kind of car you drive and how you treat other people but I don’t know what your face looks like?_ **

The entire situation sucked. Cas didn’t love his dumb mate, he didn’t want her, and for some crazy reason, he actually wanted Dean. 

**Dean:** **_A little. I wish it could be different, Cas._ **

**Dean:** **_Should I tell you somethin’ you don’t know?_ **

Dean felt pathetically attached to Cas. He couldn’t help it, he wanted him to know everything about him. Maybe if Cas knew everything, they could feel closer.

**Castiel:** **_Despite how dangerous it is for my freedom, I want to know everything about you. I can’t help it, I swear to god I can’t think about anything or anyone but you anymore._ **

**Dean:** **_I feel the same Cas... alright. Here goes._ **

He took a deep breath and started thinking of random shit about him, things that only people who have hung out with him in person knew. 

**Dean:** **_I don’t speak before coffee. Like not even one word, you’re actually the only person I’ve ever checked my phone for before coffee._ **

**Castiel:** **_You’re the only one I ever check my phone for, period. But if things were different, I’d have coffee ready for you every morning._ **

**Dean:** **_I’m allergic to cats_ **

**Dean:** **_I’ve broken both legs, at different times_ **

**Dean:** **_I wrecked my car when I was 17 and rebuilt her from the ground up_ **

**Castiel:** **_it’s a beautiful car. And from what I could see in the video... beautiful legs, too._ **

**Castiel:** **_and I prefer guinea pigs. Much like your bushes, cats can’t be trusted._ **

**Dean:** **_I’d get you a guinea pig_ **

_ Have I mentioned how pathetic I am?  _ Dean groaned, but he wasn’t done.

**Castiel:** **_We could name him Spar McParcel, in honor of our fallen comrade._ **

**Dean:** **_Sounds perfect_ **

**Dean:** **_I can keep goin, if you want me to_ **

_ Please say yes, please want more of me, like I want more of you. _

**Castiel:** **_... please?_ **

**Dean:** **_I love to cook but not clean the kitchen after_ **

**Dean:** **_I mumble in my sleep_ **

**Dean:** **_When I was eight I told my mom I liked boys and girls and she kissed me and said that was okay._ **

**Castiel:** **_I’d clean, and bake you pies, does that count for anything? I’d also listen to you mumble, I’m quite sure it would be the most adorable thing I ever witnessed. And I’m really glad your mom was supportive, I didn’t have that and sometimes I wonder if my life would’ve turned out differently if I had._ **

Dean wished he could have been a supportive person in Cas’ life but in a way, he was now.

**Dean:** **_it would have. My dad wasn’t so supportive, couldn’t imagine if I didn’t have either._ **

**Castiel:** **_Do you still have problems with him?_ **

**Dean:** **_I hate celery_ **

Dean had already sent the random celery bullshit before Cas’ text came in. He didn’t really feel like talking about John right now, but if he wanted Cas to know him, that was part of his story.

**Dean:** **_Sometimes. But not about that._ **

**Castiel:** **_Okay, but have you tried celery with peanut butter? It’s a completely different experience._ **

_ Blech. Knew he’d have at least one flaw. _

**Dean:** **_Yes I have and no, it’s still the worst veggie ever_ **

**Castiel:** **_Can I ask what the problems are about?_ **

Dean strummed his fingers on the back of his phone before responding. He wanted Cas to know everything… just not right now. He was still coming down from an amazing orgasm. Last thing he wanted to picture was his damn dad.

**Dean:** **_Yeah... um, maybe we can talk on the phone about that? Tomorrow maybe? It’s kinda a lot._ **

**Castiel:** **_Tomorrow sounds good. I should probably shower... and wash your shirt... and clean the floor. And make sure I didn’t miss anything in the sink from last night, I... may or may not have jacked off while blowing that dildo._ **

**Castiel:** **_and yes, I realize that probably makes me sound pathetic, but it is what it is. That’s what I was doing the first time, when I told you I was imagining it was yours._ **

If Dean’s cock wasn’t completely spent, it would have hardened at the image in his mind. 

**Dean:** **_Fuck... I want that, Cas._ **

**Castiel:** **_So do I._ **

**Dean:** **_Alright, well, talk tomorrow._ **

Dean pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and smiled, typing out one more word he thought might make Cas smile.

**Dean:** **_Sweetheart_ **

**_Castiel: please don’t ever stop calling me that_ **

And that confirmed it. He would always call him sweetheart. Because that was what Cas _was,_ Dean’s. sweetheartEven if he’d never be Dean’s. __

**Dean:** **_:)_ **

He felt the smiley face was enough after that, he had already gone so far past the line than he had intended when this all started, but at this point, he was too far gone to stop.

~~~~

The next evening, Dean called Cas as soon as he got out of the shower after work. Normally, he would text first, but since he knew Meg was gone he decided to just surprise Cas.

He was happy he answered on the second ring,  _ is Cas just as excited to talk to me as I am to talk to him? _

Dean smiled widely at Cas’, ”Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, sweetheart. How was your day?”

“Long, and utterly boring. How was yours?”

“Same. Got my hands dirty though, can’t complain. How’s your ass?” Dean grinned to himself. He knew he wasn’t the reason Cas would be sore, but it still kinda felt like he was.

Cas snorted a laugh. “Empty, at the moment.”

Dean bit his lip and continued moving around his kitchen, trying to throw together a quick dinner. “That’s unfortunate. You’d definitely still feel it if it was mine that was in there.”  _ Shit... was that too far? _

“There’s not a single part of me that doubts that, I’ve seen the video.”

Dean dropped the pan he was holding and chuckled. “You gonna use him again tonight? You can also name him Dean if you wanted, since you know, you yelled it an  _ embarrassing amount of times.” _

Cas sighed quietly, “I did do that.” He paused, and Dean heard the unmistakable sound of a pan smacking against a stove. “Are you eating?”

“Not yet. Trying to throw somethin’ together. What you makin’?” He realized he really didn’t really want to spend more time than necessary cooking, and begrudgingly decided to throw together a grilled ham and cheese.

“Spaghetti. It’s easy and will feed me for a few days.” He hummed. “Does it still count as a date if we can’t see each other and it’s also probably illegal to call it that?”

“Nah, still counts. We’re rebels, but now I want spaghetti. Hold on...” He peeked in his fridge and then in his pantry, smiling when he saw he had everything he needed. “Alright, babe. Spaghetti comin’ up on this end too. I’ll even put out a candle.”

Cas’ voice took on an uncharacteristically playful tone. “Are you the lady, or the tramp?”

Nothing could take away Dean’s smile at that tone. “Probably the tramp, honestly. You’re the pretty one.”  _ Ah fuck. _ “I’m assuming.” He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he saved that.

“Hmm. I don’t know about that, my stubble is getting a little out of control. But I suppose having an argument about it would be foolish, since we’ll never know.”

“Yeah... actually. Hold on.” Dean pulled up his camera app and took a photo of his scruff and neck. After making sure nothing else could be seen but his jawline, he sent it over. “Check out mine.”

Cas outright whined. “I’m not even showing you mine, you’ll just laugh at me. You’re beautiful, Dean... I don’t care what the rest of your face looks like.”

“I don’t have a nose. Does that help?” He bit his lip and huffed a laugh. “Fuck, I just pictured myself without a nose and it’s horrible. I promise I’m not Lord Voldemort.”

“You dare speak his name? Why am I not surprised you’re a Gryffindor...”

“Fear of a name... shit I can’t remember the quote. I’d punch that asshole and he'd never see it comin’. How’d you guess ima Lion?”

“Because you’re willing to go to prison to get laid,” Cas deadpanned. “I’m kidding. It’s because I can already tell that you’re brave and strong and true... or whatever they said.”

“Hey, I’m not just here to get laid, Cas. I feel like that needs to be said. I obviously like you for more than that, all my other relationships have been all about sex. This is... different.” Dean frowned to himself. “Anyway, yeah, I took the test. I’m a Gryffindor. You’re a Hufflepuff, right?

“So it would seem, every test I’ve ever taken has confirmed it. What gave me away?”

“Your loyalty to someone that doesn’t deserve it. I get it, I actually have an issue with that, too.” He didn’t wanna go there, but Cas had asked last night. “My dad always hated my Gryffindor traits. He wanted me and Sam to just stay in line, but that’s not in our nature. We get it from my mom.”

“Are you still in contact with him? I’m curious how he handles you as a  _ very _ free spirited adult.”

“Yeah, he’s actually my damn boss.” Dean chuckled to himself as he set the sauce to simmer. “I think he’s kinda used to me by now, honestly.”

“That has to be interesting. What about your brother?”

“Sammy doesn’t give a fuck. He stands up to him more than me, actually. I think my problem was blind loyalty as a child. I never wanted to disappoint him, and then when I realized it didn’t matter what I did… I changed. He didn’t handle the change well, but I was too big for him to hit at that point. I’m bigger than him in every way now. I’m only 6’2, but Sammy is 6’4. He knows better than to get physical.” Dean cleared his throat. “He’s better now that he’s been humbled. Still got a stick up his ass, though.”

“He hit you?” Cas’ voice was small and quiet, and all sounds of him eating stopped completely.

“When I was smaller, yeah. Took one punch to the nose as a teen to set that straight though. He’s not all bad, he’s why I am who I am and he showed me exactly who I  _ never _ want to be.”

Cas took a shallow, shuddering breath. “I’m really, really glad that you stuck up for yourself and that things are better now, but I’m sorry that ever happened to you in the first place, Dean. No one deserves to be treated like that.”

“Thanks, Cas. I agree. Kinda made me never want kids, but other than that hang up, I think I’m doin’ alright.” He took a bite of food and continued talking with his mouth full. “Enough about that though, how’s your spaghetti?”

“Huh?” Cas sounded distracted, but Dean couldn’t really blame him. “Oh. It’s good... how’s yours?”

“Awesome!” He mumbled with his mouth full again. “Ah shit.” Dean grabbed a napkin for his chin and neck. “Noodle just attacked me.”

“You know, I’m starting to wonder what’s really wrong with you. You seem to have issues with all sorts of inanimate objects.”

Dean chuckled and finished cleaning himself. “Now that you mention it, you’re always around the corner when it happens. Are you some kinda warlock? Turning all my stuff against me?” He grinned, remembering why he even started the bush thing in the first place. “You know I tripped and fucked up my bush a little? That’s actually where it all started and then my imagination took over. I kept apologizing to it and felt like it was mad at me.”

“So you’re insane, that makes more sense.” But his voice was playful, teasing. “I suppose that makes two of us.”

“Yup. You’re just as crazy for going along with my shit. I had a few days where I thought you probably hated delivering to my house.”

“Quite the contrary.” There was a brief moment where it sounded like Cas was eating for once, and then the clatter of metal hitting a plate. “I was confused at first, and a little irritated when you didn’t leave me a ladder... but for the most part, I just thought you were trying to brighten my day. And, it worked.”

“Good. And I  _ meant _ to put out a ladder, but I forgot. I was very impressed you figured it out though, actually made me real curious about who you were.” Dean finished eating and started cleaning the kitchen.

“I learned to climb cherry trees at a young age; I was just thrilled to see the skill finally put to some use. But, now that you know who I am... are you disappointed?”

“Not in the slightest. Just wish... never mind.” Dean stopped himself from saying something about Cas moaning his name last night. He’d been fantasizing about it all damn day.

“No, tell me.” A ringtone went off somewhere on Cas’ end and steadily got louder. “Wait, nevermind. I’ll call you back in a little while, Dean... I promise.” 

_ Click. _

Dean frowned and pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure Cas actually hung up. “Shit, alright then.”

He finished cleaning and turned out all the lights, making his way to his room.

Cas abruptly hanging up kinda killed his mood, but by the time his teeth were brushed and he was climbing in bed, the mood was back. Who knew how long Cas would take, or if he’d even call back at all. 

Dean shrugged and pulled his sweats down slightly as he pulled up Cas’ video. His dick was instantly on board and before he knew it, he was stroking himself slowly with Cas’ video on a loop.

Cas called, abruptly cutting off the feed. “Oh fuck!” Dean blushed, even though Cas had no clue what he was just doing.

“I’m sorry about that. Where were we?”

“Um… I can’t remember.” He cleared his throat and held his dick in place. “I was um… watching that video you sent me.”

A beat of tense, thick silence followed. Cas’ voice dropped a fucking octave when he spoke again. “You were? Should I... go?”

“No... unless you wanna.” He moved his hand slowly, feeling a hint of shame. “You can... join me if you want.”

“I’ve never... I don’t...” Cas sucked in a breath and Dean heard a door shut. “I’ve never done this before, but... I want to.”

“You can just listen and go with whatever feels right. But Cas... I’m dying to hear you come. Wanna hear you moan my name.” He took a shaky breath as he stroked himself. “I’m so hard for you right now.”

Cas let out a low, rumbling whine. “I’d give you anything you wanted, Dean. Hold on.” More indistinct noises followed and then Cas let out a breath right into the mouthpiece. “I’m wearing your shirt again, and nothing else. I thought it might be easier for you to picture me like that.”

“Ah fuck... fucking beautiful, sweetheart. Want you to come all over my shirt again. I’m wearing some black sweatpants but they’re down on my thighs, no shirt.” He moved around a second and took a quick photo, sending it to Cas. “Look at your phone.”

“God, you’re incredible. Hang on.” A few moments later, his phone vibrated in his hand. “I hope the angle isn’t as horrible as I fear, but it’s a little awkward trying to take a picture of your own ass.”

“Nah, that’s beautiful, Cas. I’d send one of mine, but Ima hard top, sweetheart.” Dean chewed his lip and put Cas on speaker so he could stroke himself and see the photo.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it anyway, but you’re right. I got the view I need.” Cas’ breathing quickened. “Would... would you be rough?”

Dean groaned at the question. “Not until you were ready, sweetheart. I’d open you up, nice and slow, making sure you felt only pleasure. When I first sank inside you, I'd sit there a moment while I was bottomed out, kissing along your neck while you relaxed around me. Then I’d slowly start moving, in and out, working you open with my cock.” His dick twitched in his hand and he had to swipe at the precome leaking out.

The wet sound of lube on skin got louder, like he suddenly put it on speaker. “And then you’ll be rough? I want it so bad, want you so bad-” Cas hissed, all noises stopping for a moment, and then he moaned again.

The noises Cas was making had Dean so turned on he couldn’t think about anything else in the world. “You want me to be rough, Cas? Want me to grip your hips so hard my fingertips leave small reminders you can see for days?” He groaned and took a ragged breath. “Slam into you so hard you’re seeing stars, fuck you right into my mattress?”

“Dean! I’m gonna -” Cas grunted twice and then moaned his name so fucking sinfully there was no doubt about what had happened.

“Ah fuck, that was beautiful! Gonna come, sweetheart.” Dean groaned Cas’ name and filled up his fist, panting as he stroked himself through his orgasm.

Cas took several, gasping breaths and swallowed audibly. “I think... I think I pulled something. In my chest.” He chuckled quietly. “Does that normally happen?”

“Uh, I dunno. Maybe it was just that intense? Damn, Cas. I made a mess.” He looked at his stomach and huffed a laugh.

“I want to taste it.”

Dean hummed approvingly as his cock twitched. “Want that too, tempted to make a fucking glory hole in my front door just so we can keep it anonymous and still fuck. Has to be a loophole, right?” He joked, knowing damn well that was still illegal.

“Believe me, Dean. I checked. To my knowledge, there is no loophole that exists that would allow me to physically touch you without her consent.”

Dean groaned and he went to cover his face with his come-covered hand. “Mother fucker! Cas... I just rubbed come all over my fucking face. Can I call you back?”

“Of course, but... now I wish I could see your face. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Dean chuckled. “If only. Talk soon, sweetheart.” He hung up and then took another photo to show Cas, but felt like too many of his features were noticeable and decided against it. He put the phone down and went to clean himself off.

~~~~

On Sunday, Dean was almost tempted to cancel with Jask and Ares just so he could talk to Cas all day. He figured Meg would probably be home soon and they were on borrowed time.

But they couldn’t do Monday night football the next day, so Dean had to suck it up and settle for texts. He didn’t even make it to the second quarter before they were asking who he was talking to. 

“Don’t make me snatch that phone. I know your code is ‘dick’.” Jask motioned for him to speak. “Who is it, come on!” 

Dean laughed because his passcode definitely  _ was  _ 3425\. “It’s my Amazon guy. Don’t look at me like that, his name is Cas, and we’re just friends.”

“Is that your face while you text  _ me?” _

Dean frowned. “What face?”

“The heart eyes, D. Le heart eyes. You’ve had them every time you pulled out your phone.” Ares nodded next to him and Dean scoffed. 

“My eyes are normal-shaped, asshats. You ever consider maybe it’s  _ your _ eyes that are shaped like hearts? Look at you two.” Dean made a grossed out face and shook his head. “Disgusting.” 

Ares puffed out his chest and smiled smugly. “Ours absolutely are, but you need to ask yourself what it says about  _ you  _ that yours look the same.”

“Yeah, Yeah, whatever.” Dean polished off his beer and then decided to go for it. “He’s amazing, man.” He started down at his empty bottle with a dumb smile. 

When he looked up, he saw the couple share a look before Jask spoke.

“Amazing, huh? Like,  _ Cole _ amazing?”

Dean rolled his eyes again. “No, nothin’ like Cole. Cas and I actually talk. Cole and I would talk sometimes, but it was always just sex with us. No matter the topic, he thought sex fixed everything. I mean… it kinda did, but didn’t. Not in the grand scheme of things. Cas and I will never have sex.” He tried to hide how much that bothered him. 

“... and that bothers you.” Jask always was good at reading Dean’s mind. 

“Kinda, for a few reasons. Yeah, I’m horny, and he's hot as hell. But he’s also gay, and his soulmate’s a woman. He hates her and he’s fucking stuck with her. I don’t trust her man, he’s not even allowed to have friends. It’s weird.” He looked back at the TV no one was watching. “Just wish there was somethin’ I could do.” They were both staring at him, making him feel nervous, so he stood. “Gonna get us all another beer.” He disappeared into the kitchen before they could respond.

He lingered in there longer than necessary, trying to clear his mind and take a few deep breaths. Dean never did well with secrets or filters, and he was about five seconds from spilling  _ all _ the beans. The flirting, the dildo, the videos, all of it. But he couldn’t. Cas trusted him to keep all that between them; Dean had to respect that and keep his damn mouth shut.

As he made his way back, he heard their sharp whispers from the couch. 

“... the poor guy falls so hard, every time, and this time, he can’t even go for it.” Ares sounded like he genuinely pitied Dean, and that did  _ not  _ feel great.

Jask’s voice was firm, even while whispering. “No. I’ve known Dean since we were kids. I’ve been around for  _ all _ of his partners, and I can promise you this shit is different. I don’t know how or why, but it is. It’s probably gonna end up with every damn one of us in jail, but... fuck it. I’ve had a good run, and he deserves to be happy more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

Dean smiled at that. Jask was always the better friend in their relationship, but Dean tried. He cleared his throat and walked over to hand them beers. Their faces looked a little guilty, but Dean gave them no signs that he overheard them. There was nothing else to say. 

After halftime, the game picked up speed and soon all three of them were yelling at the tv. Dean was happy their conversation had moved on. He felt shitty enough about all the stuff with Cas, he didn’t need his friends feeling sorry for him, too.

Dean never did well with pity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway there!


	11. Castiel

Cas wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that his chest was constantly in pain, but it was affecting almost every aspect of his life. Lifting heavy packages at work was becoming a strain, looking Meg in the eyes just made it all worse and he couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep to save his life. 

The only thing that made any of it any better… was Dean. He was thankful his voicemails didn’t have a playcount attached to them, or he’d be embarrassed by the number of times he listened to the two that Dean had left. It occurred to him that he’d never left Dean one, and Cas grinned to himself as he realized Dean would still be asleep.  _ This would be the perfect time… _

_ “Hey, this is Dean. Leave your name and nightmare at the tone.” _

“Oh. Well, my current nightmare is that I’m somehow stuck in traffic at 5am. I thought the whole point of getting up this early to go to work was not having to deal with other people on the roads?” He sighed, letting the sound drag out. “I’ll have you know you’ve given me some sort of a complex… I just drove past a cherry tree and nearly pulled over to climb it. I’m partial to yours, though… it doesn’t complain when you fondle its balls.” Cas chuckled, hating himself for saying that, but it was too late to take it back. “I wonder how long I can talk before it cuts me off? It’s not really fair that they put time limits on these, I was thinking about calling back to read you The Hobbit.”  _ Okay, your rambling was supposed to be cute. This isn’t cute.  _ “Will you call me later? I miss hearing your voice. I know it’s only been roughly 37 hours - not that I’m… counting or anything, but -”

_ “To send your message, press one.”  _

That answered that question. Cas pulled his eyes from the road long enough to press one as requested, then set his phone down. His mind drifted to the conversations they’d had the past few days and he shivered remembering the way Dean sounded when they were having phone sex. It was, bar none, the best orgasm he’d ever had in his life, and Dean hadn’t even been present. He wasn’t sure how to ask for it again, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted it as many times as Dean was willing to give it - even if he didn’t have a damn clue what to say. 

He’d spent the better part of three hours the night before watching porn with dirty talk. Cas knew exactly what he wanted, but had always been horrible at asking for it because he had a long, storied history of not getting it either way. It was something he was going to have to get over if all he’d ever get of Dean was telecommunication, so… porn. 

The warehouse was mostly empty except for Cole and a few others, so Cas nodded politely to them and got on the road. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing repeatedly at the clock on his dash - the urge to talk to Dean was getting out of control and he still had a solid thirty minutes before Dean’s alarm would even go off. He grinned; Dean’s admission that he talked to Cas prior to even having coffee popped into his mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder what Dean looked or sounded like that early in the morning. Was he scruffy? Disheveled? Was his voice scratchy, or soft? There were so many things he wanted to know about Dean that he’d likely never learn, and the thought only caused another pang in his chest. 

_ Okay, that was weird.  _ Normally, the pain came when he thought about cheating on Meg or when she did something particularly horrible, not when he thought about  _ not  _ being with Dean. None of it made any sense, and despite the research he’d done since it started hurting, he hadn’t gotten any answers. 

A few stops later, he knew Dean would be awake so he pulled over and stared at his phone. Cas felt like an asshole, but he didn’t want to miss the text in case he got busy with deliveries and couldn’t respond for a while. He blinked at the screen, realizing with a jolt just how far gone he really was.  _ You’re sitting here, on the side of the road, staring at a screen and waiting for a text message that might not even come. It’s probably time to dial it back a little bit…  _

No sooner did the thought enter his mind than his phone finally buzzed. 

**Dean:** **_Mornin’ sunshine. Your voicemail was the best gift you could have given me. I missed your voice too, though mine is rough right now. Haven’t had coffee._ **

His face split in a grin, and he chuckled to himself. 

**Castiel:** **_Are you a mind reader all of a sudden? I was just asking myself what you sounded like when you first woke up. I know you don’t talk before coffee, but something tells me that’s quite a loss for the people that might be able to hear you._ **

He nearly dropped the phone when it rang, and he answered before it could even repeat the sound. 

“Mornin’ sweetheart.”

_ Shit.  _ Cas made a strangled noise from somewhere in the back of his throat. Dean’s voice was sex and warmth and love wrapped into one, and that  _ name.  _ He shivered, pressing the phone closer to his ear. “Hello, Dean. I was right, you’re doing the world a disservice by not having an early morning talk show.” 

“Mmm. Think so?” It sounded like he rolled over in his bed.

“Absolutely.” Cas took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on where he was going, afraid if he didn’t pay attention, he’d end up in Dean’s driveway. “Are you a cuddler? I feel like your morning voice makes you sound like a cuddler.”

“Just... come here.” Cas could practically hear the pout.

“Don’t, Dean. Please.” Cas’ voice cracked, and he nearly turned his van around. “We’d only have... maybe a day before they caught me, and I don’t think I’d survive having you and then losing you again so quickly.”

“I know. M’sorry.” He shifted in his bed again and groaned. “Alright, I’m up. I’m sorry for what sleepy Dean said, he doesn’t think clearly.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize, for any version of you.” Cas pulled up in front of his next stop and parked the van. “You need to get ready for work.”

“Don’t wanna.“ Cas could hear the pouring of a liquid and Dean inhaled loudly and sighed. “Coffee.”

He smiled to himself, wishing he knew what Dean’s face looked like. All he had was a rough knowledge of his jawline and the bits below the waist, and it wasn’t enough. “I have to go, but... text me?”

“Mmhm.” Cas heard him take a long dramatic sip of coffee and groan. “Yeah, I’ll text you. I liked hearing your voice first thing. Just made my whole day.”

"You can call me every morning, if you'd like. Except for weekends when Meg's home."

“She who must not be named.” Another sip. “Alright, have a good day sweetheart. I’ll miss you.”

It wasn’t lost on Cas that the great Gryffindor himself would say the Dark Lord’s name, but not Cas’ soulmate’s. It made him wrinkle his nose with a grin, which only got bigger at the end. “Then text me in two minutes. Or sooner, it’s okay. I won’t judge.” He glanced up at the house and saw someone peeking out the window. “Shit, I have to go. I think this guy is going to shoot out my tires if I don’t deliver his package. Talk to you soon.” He hung up, scanning the box quickly and scrambling out of his van to leave it on the porch. He waved politely to the man and left as fast as he could. 

Dean had texted twice in the short time that took, and their conversation continued as Cas went house to house. Waiting for messages was almost agonizing, especially once Dean got to work, but it made the day go by faster and eventually he was pulling into the last address on his route. 

Cas scanned the package and stopped dead at the name.  _ John Winchester. It couldn’t be... could it? _ His eyes snapped toward the front door just as a tall, bearded man walked out.  _ Holy shit. Is that Dean’s father?  _

Panic temporarily spiked through him until he remembered that not even Dean knew what he looked like, so John definitely wouldn’t know who he was.

John waved at him, like he was waiting on the package, and then turned to say talk to someone still in the house.

For a moment, Cas couldn’t move. Visions of the man hitting a child were front and center in his mind, and a big part of him wanted to tackle John right there. But if he couldn’t even fend off Meg, he stood no chance against Dean’s father... and he wasn’t even sure it  _ was  _ Dean’s father. 

Cas approached slowly and cleared his throat, holding out the package. “Here you go, sir.”

“... that one’s gonna be the death of me one day, Mary.” John took a couple steps forward. “Thanks, son. You got any kids?”

A pretty blond woman walked out and locked the door behind her.

"I don't, no." The sensations he felt at John calling him 'son' were odd. He knew it was a common term and didn't mean anything, but in a perfect world, he  _ would  _ be John's son-in-law. 

But Cas also knew that John treated his sons like shit, so it felt more like an insult than a compliment.  _ Good, I hope Dean's making trouble for you. You deserve it, and then some. _ Cas pressed the package forward again, urging John to just take it so he could leave.

“Well, good for you. Sons are assholes. Right, Mary?” He laughed at his joke, still ignoring the outstretched box and Mary smacked the back of his head. 

“He’s kidding, we’d be lost without our boys, especially Dean.” She turned her gaze on Cas. “Don’t let him scare you, kids are so much more than assholes.”

Cas had no idea what to say to any of that, but he now had his confirmation. He was standing in front of the people that raised Dean. “It’s not really in the cards for me, but I’ll bear that in mind.” He smiled, glad for the thousandth time that Meg wasn’t the motherly type and he never had to worry about her trying to procreate with him. He physically placed the delivery in John’s hand and inclined his head in a nod. “It doesn’t require a signature, I hope you both have a wonderful day.”  _ Please just let me leave now. _

“Have a good day. Hey, you need a home built you come on by.” John winked and tucked the package under his arm, retreating back inside to put it away.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Ignore him. He’s always working, even when he’s not. You have a good day.” She touched his shoulder warmly and smiled, and Cas stared at her hand. The contact was almost jarringly nice, and he understood instantly why Dean spoke so highly of her. He wished with everything in him he could hug her and thank her for supporting Dean, but that would lead to entirely too many questions he couldn’t answer. 

“You too,” he offered weakly. Mary dropped her hand and Cas turned, trying to look like a normal guy on a normal delivery run and not someone that just realized he had mommy issues. Six seconds with Dean’s mother was better than a lifetime with his own, and he already craved her affection and caring more than he’d ever admit to anyone. 

_ Great, now you’re in love with his family, too. What’s next, the family dog?  _

He made it back to the warehouse and clocked out quickly, then drove home with his mind whirring. Once he was inside, he texted Dean, even though he already knew the answer. 

**Castiel:** **_Is your father named John, by any chance?_ **

**Dean:** **_Uh… yeah, that’s him. Why?_ **

**Castiel:** **_I just met your parents._ **

His knee bounced incessantly on the ground. Maybe telling Dean that he met John and Mary was too much - it would bring them  _ too  _ close together in a very real way, but he also couldn’t lie to him about it. And a lie of omission was still a lie. 

**Dean:** **_No shit? Lucky assholes. Gonna call them and tell them to describe their hot delivery driver for me._ **

That was what he'd been afraid of, but he also couldn't blame Dean. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he'd beg someone for details about what Dean looked like if he had the chance. Maybe he could have with his parents, but it seemed like an invasion of privacy - especially when he was the one that set that ground rule. 

**Castiel:** **_They'd probably just explain the pizza man. Completely different guy, although, he probably made a better impression than I did. I'm pretty sure all I did was stare at them._ **

**Dean:** **_That’s cute. But I won’t ask. Promise. I am jealous though._ **

He bit his lip, staring down at the screen. This seemed like as good of an opportunity as any to test out what he'd learned, even though the prospect of trying to start something like this was daunting to say the least. He was a chicken, and decided on trying to coax Dean into being the one to initiate it. 

**Castiel:** **_Are you? I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?_ **

**Dean:** **_Hmmmm_ **

**Dean:** **_I think our little Dean misses you. Make it up to him like you’d make it up to me. ;)_ **

It wasn't quite what he was after, but it was a start. He tapped the back of his phone with his fingers as he made up his mind, and then took his phone upstairs with him. After some digging, the box lay open on his bed and he pulled out 'little Dean' along with the lube. 

Cas stripped quickly, kicking his clothes to the side and lubing up his fingers. This part always felt awkward to him, so he pulled up the second video Dean had sent him to give him some proper motivation. Listening to Dean's voice got him going faster than any random porn would ever do, especially paired with a cock that deliciously beautiful. He watched Dean's comeshot on repeat until he was fingering himself with three long digits, and then slowly lowered himself down onto the fake cock. 

Again, it burned more than felt good at the beginning, but at least he knew what to expect this time. Cas took it slow, inch by inch until he could feel the silicone mounds pressing against his skin and he couldn't breathe from being so full. He gripped his length and stroked once, amazed by how hard he was already. When the discomfort ebbed away and it felt just as good as he remembered, he reached over with his dry hand and called Dean. His original plan was to send another picture with a text asking Dean to call, but he'd drive himself insane with waiting and at least this way, if Dean didn't answer, he'd get an even better voicemail than the first.

“Hey there, handsome. I got worried when you didn’t text, did I ask too much?”

He completely forgot he didn't warn Dean at all about what was happening, and for a moment, the awkwardness threatened to kill his mood. But he'd gotten this far, he could do this... he had to. "Dean..." Cas moaned, twisting his hand. "I - I need you. I can't do it alone."

“Oh, shit.” Cas heard something clatter onto a hard floor and break. “Oops. I’ll clean that later. Gimme a sec, babe. I’ll catch up. Just... describe the scene for me.” Cas heard a drawer slide open and close, then the unmistakable sound of a lube cap.

Cas braced himself after putting the phone on speaker and setting it on the edge of the mattress. "I'm in my bedroom, completely naked this time. My - my skin is flushed and I'm so hard I'm leaking already. I opened myself up watching you come, but I'm having a hard time believing the thing in my ass is really you."

Dean took a deep ragged breath. “See? I’m already right there with you sweetheart. Want it to be me inside you so bad.” Cas could hear him stroking his slick cock.

"Fast or slow? How would you fuck me right now if it was you?" Cas held steady, waiting for Dean's answer.

“Baby, I want you so bad. I’d fuck you fast. I wanna hear my hips slapping that ass.”

Cas groaned, bracing himself facing the ceiling on all fours and dropped his hips. He knew the angle was too weird and he was too inexperienced to truly go 'fast,' but damnit if he didn't try. His grunts and moans got louder and a wet spot was forming on his stomach. "Fuck!" He switched positions, squatting over top of it with one hand gripping the mattress again. This way, he could move quicker, and he could also stroke his cock. "Fuck, you feel good, Dean. So good."

“This dick is all yours, baby. All fucking yours. God, I wanna come in your ass so bad. Fucking paint your walls- fuck... I’m already fucking close.”

All it took was imagining Dean coming inside of him to push him over. It hit him so suddenly and powerfully that he didn't have time to say it out loud - not that he'd have managed it anyway, all that came out was a half-gasped "Dean!" and a series of grunts as he emptied over his stomach. 

He was already coming down, but he wasn't finished with this yet. "Let me hear you, Dean. Please... fill me up. You have no idea how bad I want your come everywhere... inside of me, in my mouth, all over my body..."

Dean groaned loudly and whispered Cas’ name. He stroked a few more times before he couldn’t hold it off any longer. “Comin’!” He choked out a long drawn out grunt as his fist slowed. “Fuck... so good.” He whispered breathlessly.

Cas finally lifted himself off once Dean was done, then flipped up onto the bed and pulled the phone closer. "Do you forgive me?"

“Absolutely yes.” 

He grinned, closing his eyes. "Good. Thank you for that."

“Thank you. I’m tempted to buy you a new one that’s the correct size.”

"It'll never be the same. I..." Cas blushed, but he wanted to say it out loud. "I want your come, Dean. I wasn't kidding. I'm dying to know what it tastes like... what it feels like. I don't know how to explain it, or why, but..."

“Fuck... gonna get me going again, sweetheart. I wish you could taste it. I wanna taste yours, too.”

"That glory hole is sounding better and better, isn't it." Cas was only a little ashamed of the fact that he'd had to google what a glory hole even was, and he'd blushed so furiously at the results that he thought his skin might have been permanently stained pink.

“Don’t tempt me. I’ll go make it right now.” Dean chuckled and Cas heard the sink turn on.

It reminded him he should probably clean himself up, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. “Do you honestly think we’d keep the door shut? I’d want more, I know I would.”

“No way. I’ve been thinkin’ prison doesn’t sound so bad.”

He let out a soft sigh, knowing he’d had the same thought at least a dozen times. But it was one thing to think it and another thing entirely to live it, and Cas knew neither of them were truly prepared for that. 

Their conversation continued and Dean forced Cas to get out of bed to wash up, clean little Dean, hide everything, and get comfortable back in bed. He had his water and a protein bar, and finally, it seemed like Dean had run out of instructions for him. Part of Cas rebelled against the thought of being a burden, but a much larger part was so comforted by the thought of someone actually wanting to take care of him that he couldn’t bring himself to tell Dean to stop. 

They fell asleep still on the phone together, and Cas slept better than he had in his entire life. 


	12. Dean

In the short time of Dean talking to Cas, he felt a complete change inside him, and not just in his heart. The ache for Cas had become physical and more pronounced every time they spoke. Dean found himself constantly rubbing over his heart. It felt like it was growing  _ and _ breaking at the same time, both for Cas. 

He hated this. Hated being apart. Hated not being able to say,  _ Hey, I cheated on our deal a while back and I know how you look. By the way, you’re fucking gorgeous and haunt my dreams every night. _

Sam was coming over today, and Dean welcomed the distraction. The crib was finally done, and Dean was so ecstatic when he found out it was a baby boy he even engraved the name  _ Jack _ into the wood. 

He was going to have a nephew. 

Maybe he’d never be a dad, but he’d be the best damn uncle he could ever be. He had started on the crib weeks ago, and although it was supposed to be a baby shower gift, he couldn’t wait anymore. 

As soon as Sam asked what he was doing, he forgot all about the dumb groceries he needed to buy, he’d get those later. It had been a while since he and Sam took some time to hang, and Dean was looking forward to it.

When he heard his unnecessarily loud Mustang, Dean shook his head. Baby was loud, but she was powerful. This plastic car needed to shut its pie hole.

He walked out to greet him, making a face at his car. “This thing still?”

Sam rolled his eyes and shut the door. “Hey, I don’t judge that bucket you drive around, you don’t get to judge Sally.” He made his way past Dean and straight into the house like he always did. 

“Sally?!” Dean followed. “Sally sounds like a chick with fake boobs you don’t brag about!”

"Seriously, Dean? You've never heard of Mustang Sally? Too busy listening to T Swift these days?"

“Don’t hate on T Swift. She got some soul in her. And come on, name her... I dunno, I got nothin’. Nothing compares to my Baby. Want a water, health-nut?” Dean made his way into the fridge and pulled them out some waters, tossing one to Sam. “Catch, bitch.”

Sam watched as it went sailing past him and bounced pathetically off the floor. "Yeah, I'm not taking the blame for that. Who the hell were you throwing to?" He walked over to pick it up, then dusted it off before taking a drink.

“This is why we can’t have nice things, Sam.” Dean shook his head and opened up his water. “How’s baby Jack? Oh, and Eileen of course.”

"They're good, really good. She has another ultrasound next week, so I won't be at work on Wednesday. I wanna be there to see the little guy."

“That’s awesome man, I’m really happy for you. I have somethin’ to show you. Come on.” Dean waved and walked towards his garage. “You see how Baby was in the driveway like some  _ Sally?  _ This is why.” He opened the door and turned on the light, letting Sam see the crib for the first time. He watched his brother take it all in and walk around it. “Please don’t say you’re changing the name. He better still have a little weenie at this next ultrasound or your daughter’s name has to be Jack.”

Sam laughed loudly, running his fingers over the wood. "Jacqueline would work, and Jack could just be a nickname. It's beautiful, Dean... I can't believe you did this!" He walked over and pulled Dean into a hug, squeezing the damn life out of him. "Thank you."

“Alright, alright. I can’t breathe, ya big softy. It won’t fit in our cars but I’ll use Dad’s truck or somethin’.” He considered asking Cas and then realized that was impossible, unless he moved it with Sam’s help. The doorbell rang. “Pizza’s here. Let’s go dig in.”

They ate quickly, bullshitting about sports and work and Sam's continued dream of becoming a lawyer one day. The conversation stalled somewhere around piece number four, and Sam eyed him as he took a tiny bite of a piece of pepperoni like some kind of a psycho. "So, any new love interests?"

“Uh...” Dean looked down, thinking of how to say it. “Yeah actually... it’s complicated.”

"So, like every other relationship you ever had. Tell me about them?" Sam tilted his head and swallowed the rest of that poor pepperoni.

“Basically but like... times ten.” He took a deep breath. “Okay... his name is Cas. He’s my Amazon delivery guy. He’s gay... with a woman soulmate. I’m so in love with him it physically hurts my chest and he’s never even seen what I look like.” He rushed it all out and had to take a deep breath after.

Sam blinked, apparently trying to digest all of that. "Wait, he's gay with a female soulmate? You're sure?"

“Sounds fucked up, huh? He can’t even get hard with her and he hates her. She’s like a raging cunt, and you know I don’t say cunt often. We’re not allowed to be friends.” Dean could feel himself getting angry. “I love him, Sam. He’s supposed to be mine, not hers. She never loved him or made him feel special, and he’s so fucking special. I’d show him every fucking day.” Dean covered his eyes with his hand.

"Jesus, Dean. You've really got it bad, huh?" Sam grabbed another piece of pizza and took a bite. "There's gotta be some exception for situations like that. Want me to look into it? I mean, I know I'm not a real lawyer, I'm not even in school yet, but... I could try."

“Can you? Fuck, he’s so unhappy, Sam. He loves me too, I feel it.” Dean rubbed his ribs with a pained look on his face. “I don’t care about the fucking laws anymore. He deserves so much more.”

"Just promise me you won't do anything...  _ Dean _ ish until I can check it out, okay? These laws are nothing to mess with."

“Deanish? The hell is that?” Dean asked in an offended tone, even though he knew exactly what Sam meant.

"I mean don't try to be a hero. If there isn't an exception, or - or a loophole of some sort, you could both end up in prison." Sam frowned deeply and sat back in his chair. "That's so fucked up. I never even considered something like that was a possibility."

“Prison would be worth it, if we were there together.” He mumbled sadly, and he weirdly meant it with all his heart.

Sam studied him for a long moment. "You said he doesn't know what you look like. Do you know what he looks like?"

“Um... yeah... I cheated.”

"Of course you did, I can't believe the guy actually thought you wouldn't."

“It was a while ago. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I didn’t lie, just didn’t say it.”

Sam sighed. "That's not really how it works, but I can't say I blame you. Is he hot?"

“Fuck yeah. We’ve um kinda... seen each other’s dicks though.” Dean hid behind his hands.

His brother made a grossed out noise. "Yeah, not what I asked. Definitely not something I wanna know, but I get the feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

“I got him a dildo. He’d never even got to experience that and he always wanted to. I felt like I had to. I didn’t get my size... that makes it better right?”

"Oh-kay... count me out of this conversation. Isn't this why you have Jask? I don't wanna hear about you buying sex toys for your Amazon driver, Dean."

“Okay, okay. I’m just... fuck. I want him. I want him here. It’s weird, he’s never even been here and the house feels empty without him.”

Sam actually smiled at that. “I remember you bitching after you invited Cole to move in because you liked your space. Did you forget that already?”

“Cole was different. Cas is different. I’d let him move in here right now and share all my space.”

"I'm sorry, Dean. You deserve to be happy, it sucks that things are the way they are. I wonder if this has ever happened before? How many other people got paired with the wrong gender?"

“I imagine a lot. I mean more people are gay than people think. I just don’t get it. They have nothin’ in common. They hate each other. Why? Why does she get him?”

His brother tapped the table. "It honestly doesn't sound like she  _ is _ getting him, at least... not really. Are you really gonna be okay with this staying the way it is? Not being able to meet him, or touch him?"

“Better than nothin’. I don’t want anyone else. Ever. He’s it for me, Sam.” Dean looked into his brother’s eyes. “Look, I know I fall easily, but I don’t fall hard. You know this.”

Sam gave him a look like he thought that was complete and total bullshit, but didn’t comment. "Then we'll find a way, Dean. We always do... there's  _ always _ another way."

Dean nodded. He trusted that if anyone could figure it out, it was Sam. “Thanks Sam. Really. I... I don’t know what to do.”

Sam stood, cleaning up the plates and the empty pizza boxes. “Just be there for him, Dean. Make sure he knows he’s not alone and that you care about him, and we’ll figure this shit out. If there’s a way around the law, we’ll find it. Do you...” Sam signed, turning to face him. “Do you think she’s hurting him?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t be surprised, honestly. He seems genuinely scared of her.” Dean got up to help clean up too. “And I’ll always be there for him. No matter what.”

“Then you’re already doing everything you can. Just hang in there, alright? I’ll call Jask in the morning, see if he knows anything or can point me in the right direction. Figures you need legal help  _ before _ I even start school.”

“Hey man, you could use the practice, right?” Dean smiled and pulled him into a hug. “Thanks, Sam. I was gonna call Jask too, I just didn’t know what to say.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sam clapped his shoulder and pulled back from the hug. “You know I’ve always got your back, jerk.”

“And I got yours, bitch. Drive safe in that plastic car.”

Sam flipped him off and grabbed his keys. “I’ll call you when I know something, alright?” Dean nodded and Sam took off out the door.

Dean watched him go and took a deep breath.  _ Everything’s gonna be okay. Cas  _ **_will_ ** _ be mine, soon.  _

He still had to go shopping, but after that heavy conversation with Sam, Dean needed pie. He was too lazy to drive across town for the bakery, and they never had the good flavors this late in the day anyway. There was only one other store that had edible pies in Dean’s mind, so he grabbed his shoes and walked out to Baby. He could make his own pie, but again, he was too lazy. He just needed pie as soon as friggin possible. 

As he drove, he found himself people watching more than normal. He looked at every tall man with dark hair, hoping to see Cas. It wasn’t like he could even say hi to him, but he looked anyway. Dean reached the store much sooner than he realized, and hopped out of the car. It was packed - of course - but not as bad as it would have been earlier. 

He pushed the cart around, completely lost in his own mind. Every couple made him sad, and one couple even made him gag. She was feeding her dude and he instantly thought of their random lady in the tramp conversation a while back.  _ Could be us, but fuck the universe. _

His mood was just sour at that point and he quickly grabbed all his necessities.  _ Get me the fuck outta here.  _ Dean checked his phone while in line, wishing he had a new message from Cas. He missed him more than he could ever explain in words. 

Once he finally had the car loaded, he opened the driver’s door and paused. “Ah fuck, the pie!” 

_ At least I remembered in the damn parking lot. Fuck one pie, I’m buying at least three. I deserve it. I’ve been good, not like I gotta stay fit for anyone, anyway. _

Lost in his head again, Dean wandered towards the bakery department and was happy to see they had a few options. “Apple… cherry… what’s that? Gross. Another cherry it is.” 

He noticed a younger dude watching him and shrugged. “I love pie.”

“I can tell.” The guy said with a grin, and Dean realized just then exactly  _ how _ in love with Cas he was. A few months ago, Dean would have flirted with the guy. Maybe got his number, hell, maybe even had a bathroom quicky. The dude was sending all the  _ fuck me  _ vibes in his direction and all Dean could do was nod and turn away.

All he could think about was  _ him. _

Dean turned the corner and ran smack into Cas. Of all the places and all the scenarios he’d previously daydreamed of,  _ this  _ wasn’t it.

Cas blinked, his jaw going slack at the sight of Dean. “I’m sorry, I... wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He was just as beautiful as he was through the window, but better. Better, because Cas’ eyes weren’t just blue, they were the most beautiful blue that ever existed and Dean was rendered speechless. 

“Sorry.” He squeaked out, in a very unattractive tone.  _ Godammit!  _ He cleared his throat. “No uh... me either.” Cas tilted his head in the most adorable way ever, but all Dean felt was panic. His voice, Cas knew his voice. When he spoke again, it was much deeper and sharper. “Almost forgot the pie, what kinda shit is that, right?”

“Is everyone around here obsessed with pie?” Cas wrinkled his nose adorably and leaned in, looking at the one on top. “Cherry... good choice.”

“I didn’t take...” He cleared his throat again and remembered to change his voice. “I didn’t clean ‘em out, you should grab one. I prefer homemade but...” He gallic shrugged. “Pie is pie.”

Cas smiled, eyeing Dean’s hands. “I actually know someone that makes an excellent cherry pie, it’s ruined me for store-bought ones altogether. More for you, I suppose.” He looked back up and met Dean’s eyes, the corner of his mouth still turned up. “I’ll... get out of your way.”

Dean stood there frozen like an idiot.  _ Cas was talkin’ about me. He liked my pie.  _ He realized he was smiling like some creep and had to force it from his face. _ Jesus fuck, how long have I been smiling?  _ “Uh, yeah. You take care, man.” Dean stole one more glance at Cas’ blue eyes and walked away.

It would be creepy to look for him or run into him again, and even if he did, Cas was adamant that they never meet. Dean walking up and revealing who he was might completely ruin what they had. Cas might cut him off and never speak to him, and that wasn’t a chance he could take. 

He paid for the pies and walked out to his car, moving so slow he could see the annoyance on people’s faces. But he didn’t care, he didn’t have it in him to care. 

He just saw  _ Cas. _

Cas just saw  _ him. _

Dean white-knuckled the steering wheel as he sat in the car, staring at the exit doors. He had ice cream in the trunk, but he didn’t care. He had to see him, even if it was just one more time.

It took a while, but Cas finally walked out, got inside some older car Dean already hated, and then drove off. He could follow him. He could finally find out where Cas lived, but unfortunately, Dean had already crossed too many lines. Lines that Cas drew.  _ He _ wanted it this way. 

Dean started the car and used the last bit of his resolve to pull off in the opposite direction and go home.

After collapsing onto his bed, he closed his eyes, picturing that beautiful, disheveled man. Cas’ hair was so adorable it made Dean smile. He wished so badly he could run his fingers through it and hold him close. 

Those eyes. 

Dean was absolutely, positively sure that  _ those  _ eyes were the ones from his dreams.  _ Those  _ eyes belonged to his soulmate. He’d said it for years. 

It suddenly hit him that Cas was  _ his  _ soulmate. Fuck those x-rays, fuck their dumb ribs. They belonged together. Everything about them was compatible, and when he saw Cas, every piece of doubt was gone. Maybe Cas didn’t feel it… maybe it didn’t matter… maybe Dean would never be Cas’ soulmate. But Cas was his.

Dean made it about thirty minutes in bed before he was sitting up and pulling up Cas’ text thread. He read back through them a while, a smile on his lips, before he decided to text. Cas probably wouldn’t respond, but he was pretty sure Meg came home tomorrow morning, so there was hope.

**Dean:** **_Hey sweetheart. Miss you._ **

_ I miss you, cause I just saw you, and I didn’t get to smell you. _

**Castiel:** **_I miss you, too. I didn’t even get to play with little Dean today._ **

**Dean:** **_:(_ **

**Dean:** **_He’ll always be there. Whenever you need him._ **

**Dean:** **_Both Deans_ **

**Castiel:** **_I know that._ **

**Castiel:** **_Random question. Have you ever considered selling your pies? I may have recommended them to someone at the grocery store today._ **

**Dean:** **_Oh did you? Tryna’ make a profit here, Cas? ;)_ **

**Castiel:** **_I just think you make extremely delicious pies, and it’s rude of you not to share them en masse._ **

**Dean:** **_I’d make you pie every weekend_ **

**Dean:** **_Was he hot?_ **

**Castiel:** **_Actually, yes. I considered lying, but I try very, very hard not to do that to you. It took me a second to realize he was a real person, to be honest._ **

**Castiel:** **_In other words, he was gorgeous. I’m sorry, Dean, but there’s likely nothing I’ll be able to do to stop myself from using his face as yours since I’ll never know what yours looks like._ **

Dean actually laughed at that. He was torn between giving his blessing and fucking with Cas more. 

**Dean:** **_Ouch! You wound me. Guy sounds like an asshole._ **

_ That’ll throw him off. _

**Castiel:** **_maybe he was. Doesn’t mean his green eyes and dirty hands didn’t remind me of you._ **

**Dean:** **_Fine, go ahead and picture that asshat._ **

_ At least Cas was picturing the right dude. _

**Castiel:** **_Are you jealous, Dean?_ **

**Dean:** **_Shhhh_ **

**Castiel:** **_I’m sorry, I’ll stop. I just wish I knew what you really looked like so I didn’t have to picture a stranger, no matter how handsome he was._ **

**Dean:** **_I wish too... more than you’ll ever know_ **

**_Castiel: I don’t know if you think of me or not, but if you do... who do you picture?_ **

Dean thought about it for a while.  _ Well Cas, I picture you. Your scruffy face and messy sex hair. Those bluer than the sky eyes and perfect ass. _

**Dean:** **_I picture the things I’ve seen of you. And also, a scruffy face and blue eyes._ **

**Dean:** **_I picture the most beautiful man in the world and I know I’m right._ **

**Castiel:** **_I think the man with the pie from the supermarket would give me a run for my money, but I appreciate it all the same. I’m running out of excuses not to see your face, though... I’m already gone._ **

**Dean:** **_He doesn’t sound like my type. You’re my type._ **

**Castiel:** **_And you’re mine._ **

**Dean:** **_Can we fall asleep on the phone again?_ **

He felt pathetic as he hit send, but he didn’t care anymore.

His phone rang almost instantly, and Cas’ sleepy voice greeted him. “I’m glad you asked, I wasn’t sure how to.”

“Mmm, always ask babe. I’d do anything for you.” Dean was just as sleepy. “Night, sweetheart.”

Dean already felt closer to Cas and almost didn’t hear his, “Goodnight, Dean.” as he drifted off to sleep. 


	13. Castiel

It was snowing like crazy when Cas made his way back to the warehouse. That particular shift had been rough, he’d barely been able to talk to Dean because conditions outside were so poor that he couldn’t afford to stop and chat. Meg was home and angier at him than ever, but he only had to make it two more days before her next trip. This one would be short, just a long weekend somewhere in Florida… but she was gearing up for a promotion and if she got it - she’d be spending nearly a month overseas. He’d never supported her more wholeheartedly in their entire relationship, and yet it still didn’t seem to be good enough. 

He parked his van and let out a deep breath, thankful that he made it back in one piece to begin with. Cas knew he still had to drive home in a shitty car, but it wasn’t far and now that he could take seven seconds to check his phone, he might get to talk to Dean one more time before he had to stash the phone. 

**Castiel:** **_I love snow, but I absolutely loathe driving in it. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for not ordering useless things during a blizzard, my anxiety is grateful._ **

The smile that played across his lips as he hit send didn’t have anything to do with his own words, but rather the voicemail that was still saved in his box. He clicked around until he found it and let Dean’s voice ring through the van. 

_ “Hey Cas. It’s Dean. Just wanted to let you know you forgot a package at my house. I’ll hold onto it for you, but one day, you’re gonna have to come get it.” _

Desire to do exactly that filled his bones, and he hit play for about the millionth time.  _ If the laws were different, Dean… I’d have been with you for months already.  _ Cas brought his hand up to his chest and sighed deeply. The dull pain in his ribs never went away, it was like his rib was trying to reject the name carved into it by some bastard higher power. Or, maybe it was rebelling against the growing, uncontrollable feelings he had for someone that wasn’t his soulmate. Such a thing shouldn’t have been allowed by nature, so it was hard to tell what the truth was and he certainly couldn’t go to get another x-ray to find out. 

**Dean:** **_I’ve been stuck in the house since the snow started. My car isn’t very snow friendly, I’d drive for you if I could._ **

Cas smiled at the message. One day, Dean offering a dozen clever ways for them to meet and him declining would get old, but right now... it felt like a secret that only they shared. 

**Castiel:** **_I can think of other things I’d rather do in that car than drive. But speaking of which, I need to go home... it’s going to be a long night without you. I wish I could keep you company._ **

His phone chimed three times before he could even finish reading the first message. He smiled at the thought that Dean looked forward to their conversations just as much as he did, and dreaded the time when he had to tuck his phone away, too. 

**Dean:** **_I’m so bored I might die. So, go to my funeral._ **

**Dean:** **_I also have a fuck ton of wood here, need anything built? A desk? A boat to leave that dumb chick? Whatever you need._ **

**Dean:** **_It’s always a long night without you_ **

That last text caused a renewed aching in his chest, though now it was difficult to tell if it was coming from his rib, his heart, or both. He’d worked out a long time ago that he was irrevocably, stupidly in love with Dean, and didn’t even know what he looked like. How could he  _ not  _ love the man that apologized to foliage for being clumsy, wore pajama pants with hot dogs on them, loved his family, and showed Cas a kindness that very, very few others ever had? They liked the same movies, the same books. The same videos of animals doing human-like things on YouTube. They were compatible in every single way, and the things that differed about them only served to compliment each other. 

Dean was brave when Cas was not. 

Cas was patient, when Dean was not. 

Dean loved to cook and Cas loved to clean.

The list went on and on in Cas’ mind, and it was becoming harder for him to keep Dean at arm’s length. But they had a deal, and for some reason, Dean seemed to be willing to settle for the bare bones that Cas could spare him. 

It was a struggle not to gush a thousand feelings into that next text. 

**Castiel:** **_You could build me a box with a padlock to hide that dildo in. It’s currently shoved under a pile of old clothes… she hasn’t found it yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time._ **

**Dean:** **_You got it, sweetheart. The lock code will be 3425_ **

**_  
_ ** While his work phone was newer, the one Meg allowed him to have for personal use was not. Thanks to that, it took Cas’ brain all of eight seconds to work out what the code meant, and he laughed so loud and forcefully that it started fogging up his windows.

**Castiel:** **_Dick. The code is dick. I think I love you._ **

He probably should have panicked after sending the words, but he didn’t think Dean would take them seriously and even if he did, he meant them with everything he was. He tossed his phone on the passenger seat of his shitty car, then started the trip home. 

His phone rang while he was passing a cop and he couldn’t answer, then dinged an additional three times. Cas’ heart leapt into his throat -  _ is he mad? Should I not have said that, or said it was a joke? Shit.  _ There was no way Dean loved him too, despite all of the signs that were there. Cas wasn’t the type of person  _ to  _ be loved. 

It was that particular anxiety that kept him from checking his phone while he was driving. Cas pep-talked himself the rest of the drive, so when he finally pulled onto his road he thought he was ready for whatever texts awaited him. 

Meg was outside, and any plans of seeing the messages or calling Dean back or defending the words he’d said or saying goodnight or  _ anything at all  _ disappeared completely. He stashed the phone under his seat and scrambled out of the car, squinting against the snow still coming down in his face. “What are you doing outside? It’s freezing out here.” Cas had virtually no concern over her well-being, he was just pissed and disappointed that she ruined his opportunity to say goodnight. 

“I knew you’d be pulling up any minute and decided to wait for you. Is that not a nice thing people do for their soulmates?”

The word made bile rise in his throat, but he forced a smile. "Not if you catch pneumonia and then pass it to me. I know you hate how whiny I get when I'm ill." Cas didn't particularly believe that was true, he thought he handled illness just like everyone else... but Meg didn't like picking up the slack when he was too sick to clean. Often, she didn't even bother.

“Whatever. Get in the house.” They walked inside the house and she rounded him. “I did something nice for you and you didn’t even say thank you. When’s the last time you even touched me, Castiel?”

There was nothing 'nice' about cornering him before he even took his shoes off. Maybe it was the interrupted admission, or just Dean in general... but Cas wasn't as willing to lay down and take whatever she threw at him as he used to be. Dean's words from long ago flashed in his mind, and he got an incredibly brave, insanely  _ stupid  _ idea. "Does it matter? It's not as though it's enjoyable for either one of us. Let's be honest, Meg. Maybe it's time we looked into an open relationship."

“A what?!” She took a step in, anger flaring in her eyes and then she calmed down like the flip of a switch. “Is that what you want?” Meg walked closer, stopping a few inches from his face.

His instincts told him to run. Literally run, out the door and as far away as he could get in the snow. The only thing more terrifying than Meg when she was livid... was Meg when she reached that lethal level of coldness. But honestly, he would rather die than spend another day without Dean if there was the slightest chance he could actually get what he wanted. Cas brushed some snow from his hair and straightened his spine. "I'm failing to see why it wouldn't be beneficial to both of us. You don't love me, Meg. You never have."

“And you don’t love me.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “If you did, you wouldn’t offer to share me. Fine, I’ll try out an open relationship. But this is one sided, I won’t share you.”

For the briefest of moments, his hope had soared, but she always found a way to crush it. "That's - no, that's not - it doesn't work that way, Meg. I checked, extensively, the law clearly outlines open relationships with soulmates are all or nothing."

“You’ve already looked?” It happened so fast, he was doubling over before it registered in his mind that her fist caused the pain. “Who are you fucking, Castiel?!” She pulled him back up by his hair. “Is that why my rib hurts? You’ve been cheating on me!”

_ Shit. She’s felt it, too?  _ He winced from the hair she was threatening to rip out of his scalp. “No, I haven’t touched anyone else.”  _ Not a lie.  _ “If your rib hurts, maybe it’s because soulmates aren’t supposed to treat each other like this.” Cas squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed her wrist, yanking his head out of her grip. His adrenaline was coursing through his veins -  _ this is it. Just leave. Fuck whatever she does, death would be better than this.  _

Meg kicked the back of his leg when he tried to walk away. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?!”

His knees smacked painfully against the hardwood floor. Cas stayed down, facing away from her with Dean's voicemail playing on a loop in his mind. He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Why would you want me to stay, Meg? It's been nearly 7 years, you're not happy with me. I'm not happy with you. That's not going to change." _ Please just let me go. _

“We’re soulmates! Your stupid name is on my fucking rib!” She kneed him in the back and walked around him. “You and me, babe. Forever.”

_ Forever.  _ The word echoed in his mind and something inside of him broke at the thought of never escaping her. He knew she was right, the bond in their bones confirmed it… maybe he should have just said thank you when she was waiting outside for him. He’d failed miserably in getting the green light to be with Dean, even just on the side, and all he had to show for it were more bruises. “You’re right.” 

The words tasted like a lie, but he didn’t know what else to do. Even if he wanted to risk the consequences and leave her, he needed a plan. He needed a place to go. 

Meg came up behind him and gripped his hair again, tilting his head back. “Of course I’m right. Now, unless you’re gonna lick my pussy, get off your damn knees and go draw me a bath.” 

Cas stood, absolutely not doing option number one. “I’ll draw you a bath.”  _ And drown you in it, the way you’ve been drowning me for nearly seven years.  _ She smacked his ass as he walked past her and he didn’t even flinch, there was nothing she could do to him now that she hadn’t already done. 

Several hours later, he was laying on his side in bed while she snored quietly next to him. Every part of him hurt, and his rib felt like it was going to snap in half every time he drew a breath. Sleeping wasn’t in the cards for him; he likely wouldn’t be able to sleep again until he found a way out of Meg’s life. He briefly considered giving her the go-ahead to be with someone else in hopes that she’d just leave him alone, but the thought of passing her cruelness off to another person gave him pause.  _ Yet, another person wouldn’t be forced to deal with it. They’d be able to leave whenever they wanted, they could press charges on her or a hundred other things that I can’t do myself because someone decided this is what I deserved.  _

He needed fresh air. He needed space, he needed… Dean.  _ Dean. The messages.  _ It was dangerous and he knew it, but he had to know what Dean had said back to him. Cas was on his feet and tiptoeing out of the room as quietly as possible without a second thought. He grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter downstairs and snuck out the near-silent back door, forgoing shoes entirely. It was still snowing like crazy, and his socks were soaked almost instantly. 

Getting the car unlocked was harder than he’d anticipated in the biting cold, but when he picked up his phone and saw what was waiting there, it was worth it. He’d brave a thousand tundras or hurricanes or volcanoes or anything else in the world for what he read. 

**One Missed Call**

**Dean:** **_Cas... answer_ **

**Dean:** **_Or just call me back, please_ **

**Dean:** **_I think I love you too_ **

**One New Voicemail**

His breath hitched in his throat as he pressed the last notification and listened.  _ “I didn’t want you to just read it, I wanted you to hear it. I don’t  _ **_think..._ ** _ I  _ **_do._ ** _ I love you, Cas.”  _

Cas hugged his phone to his chest as the wet snow soaked him to the bone.  _ He loves me, too. Dean actually loves me too, he feels the same and I’m not crazy. It  _ **_is_ ** _ possible to fall in love with someone that’s not your soulmate.  _ He opened his eyes and read the messages again, trying to dry off the screen with his thin sleeves so the words weren’t blurred. His body coursed with adrenaline and he looked back at the house as Dean’s promise filled him with hope.  _ ‘You’ll always have a place here, Cas.’  _ And the voicemails he’d left…  _ ‘but one day, you’re gonna have to come get it.’  _

Maybe one day… was today. He didn’t need a plan, or a place to stay. He had Dean, and Dean loved him. Dean wouldn’t let anything happen to him, and somehow, they’d figure this mess out. Together, the way it should have been from the beginning. There wasn’t a doubt in Cas’ mind that the mark on his rib was wrong and had always  _ been  _ wrong. Name or not, Dean Winchester was his soulmate, and the laws could kiss his ass. 

He was shaking almost uncontrollably from sheer cold, terror and nervousness as he started his car and pulled out so quickly he knocked over the dumpster. But he had to get out of sight before Meg noticed he was missing, or knowing her, she’d follow him and catch him before he even reached Dean. He tried calling Dean a half a dozen times but he got no answer - which wasn’t surprising for 3:30 in the morning, he just prayed to whoever or whatever was listening that Dean would hear him knocking on the door. 

When he parked the car outside of Dean’s garage, he took a second to look down at himself. He was drenched, had no shoes, no jacket, and absolutely nothing else with him. He wasn’t about to make a very good first impression, but he had to hope it wouldn’t matter what he looked like because it hadn’t so far. He got out of the car and walked up onto Dean’s porch, pausing and closing his eyes.  _ Please don’t turn me away. You’re my last hope, my only hope… please don’t turn me away.  _

And then he knocked. 

Nothing happened for several moments, and Cas was starting to think he would freeze to death on Dean’s porch.  _ It’s still a better alternative than going back to that house.  _ He knocked again, louder this time, and the flash of light from the living room window caught his attention. His veins pulsed with nervous excitement, dread, longing, and things he couldn’t quite name, and the door swung open. 

They locked eyes and Cas sucked in a breath.  _ He’s… the supermarket. He was right in front of me two months ago, I’d never forget that face. _ He was gorgeous in ways words would never do justice to, and even in the dark, those eyes were greener than green. He shuddered hard, trying to keep his teeth from chattering too much. “Um… hi. It’s… I’m…” 

“Cas!” Dean pulled him in and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight. “Get your ass in here, sweetheart.” He closed the door behind him and hugged him again. “You’re freezin’.” 

Everything hurt, and Dean's strong grip on him wasn’t helping. He winced, letting out a quiet, pained ‘ah’ - but the second Dean tried to pull back, Cas held tighter, terrified to let him go. “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry, I... I ran away, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” His body jerked violently and Dean pulled back to look him over with a concerned face. 

“Tell me what happened... She hurt you.” He walked Cas to his bedroom and pulled out some fresh warm clothes. “Here, take off those wet clothes. Talk to me. Please.” Dean touched his face softly. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

Cas hesitated before pulling off his clothes. It wasn’t modesty, Dean had already seen the important bits through the videos... but he had no idea how bad the marks were and he’d never stood fully naked in front of anyone but Meg. His teeth knocked together despite the warmth of the house. “Yes, she hurt me.” The words felt a little like bloodletting as he pulled off his shirt. Cas refused to look at Dean as he shrugged down his pajama pants and boxers too, needing to get rid of all of it. “T-towel?”

“Want me to start you a bath?” He looked pained and he took in Cas’ body. “Cas...” Dean walked closer, running a finger down his bruises. “How long?”

It hadn’t started immediately but it might as well have. “Nearly 7 years.” Cas watched Dean’s hands with a mixture of fascination and discomfort; he’d never had someone touch him with that much gentleness, but he hated the reasoning behind it. “No bath, I think I’m wet enough.”

“Okay.” Dean darted away into the bathroom and then came back with a big fluffy towel. He wrapped it around Cas and pulled him in. “M’sorry Cas. I wish I knew... I....”

“I can’t go back, Dean.” Cas curled against him, his emotions on overload. “Please don’t make me go back.”

“Fuck that. You’re stayin’ here.” He helped dry him off and handed him some briefs. “My mom got me these for Christmas but they don’t fit. Should fit you. Let’s get in bed and talk. I just wanna hold you.”

Cas wasn’t sure if he was awake or dreaming, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the difference. Settling into Dean’s clothes in Dean’s house and then snuggling into Dean’s arms... if it was a dream, he had no interest in waking up. 

Dean’s house smelled like candles and sheer man, and his bed was even better. He never had gotten around to getting another shirt with cologne on it, but now, he had the real thing. Cas scooted impossibly close and closed his eyes, making contact with as many inches of their bodies as he could. “She’s never going to let me go, Dean. I tried offering an open relationship, and she...”

Dean tightened slightly. “I won’t let her hurt you ever again. We’re gonna stash your car in my garage, and you’re stayin’ here. Turn off your phone now in case she’s a fucking stalker. ”

He shook his head, burying his face basically in Dean’s armpit. “The only one I have with me is my work phone and it’s already off, it’s still in the car.”

  
“Okay good. Gimme your keys, I'll go put your car in the garage now.” Dean kissed his hair and climbed out of bed, and Cas pointed to his keys. When Dean was gone, Cas sat up in the bed and wrapped his arms around himself. 

He was scared out of his mind - there were so many things that could go wrong; Meg could find them, turn them in… Dean could come to his senses and reject him. But one way or the other, the hardest part was behind him and he’d just have to learn to live with the consequences of his choice. 

And if he got to kiss those gorgeous lips even once… whatever happened would be worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright then, let’s hear it.


	14. Dean

_ Jesus christ on a cracker! _ Cas was here. Finally here. This once again, didn’t go how Dean had imagined, and boy did he imagine it.

He used to daydream about Cas pounding on his door in the middle of the night and jumping on him as soon as the door swung open. Them not even making it inside the bedroom as they tear each other apart on his hardwood floor. 

But this... this was different. Sex was the last thing on Dean’s mind. Cas showed up, shivering and cold in his socks. All Dean wanted was to warm him and make him comfortable. It was instantly obvious he was running from something, no... running from  _ her. _

The anger that welled in Dean’s chest was dangerous. He was almost 27 years old, he’d gotten a handle on his temper a couple of years ago, but the visual of anyone hitting Cas had Dean seeing red. 

He was raised not to hit a woman, and he wouldn’t. But goddamn did she deserve it. 

His chest ached as he climbed in Cas’ car to move it inside the garage. He had the crib in there still, so he had to take Baby out first, but she would be okay. Cas’ car couldn’t be seen here.

Once he finally made his way back inside, he hung Cas’ keys on the hook - because they belonged there - and made his way inside the room. “All done, sweetheart. She won’t find you here and in the morning, we’ll figure all this shit out. I promise.” He climbed in the bed and pulled Cas close, burying his face in his hair. 

Cas was  _ home. _

~~~~

He smelled him before he remembered.  _ Cas. _ Dean opened his eyes and inhaled his scent again. 

He smelled like sweet honey on a summer day, and it took everything not to kiss those beautiful lips. Cas looked so damn peaceful in his sleep that Dean tried not to move, but it didn’t matter. He could feel he was stirring. Maybe he felt he was being watched? Dean closed his eyes before he creeped him out but he couldn’t remove the smile.

“Do you always smile like that first thing in the morning? I was under the impression you were grumpy before coffee.” Cas’ voice was lower than nature should allow and he pulled Dean closer, nuzzling against his chest.

Dean chuckled and wrapped his arms around him. “Nothin’ to be grumpy about. You’re here.”

“Finally.” He let out a deep, controlled breath. “But for how long?”

“Forever.” Dean grumbled and ran his hands down his back. “Not lettin’ you go.”

Cas shivered in his arms and tilted his head up, lightly kissing his jaw. “I wish it was going to be that easy, Dean. She’ll probably think I just went to work, but when I don’t come home tonight, I have a feeling there will be hell to pay.”

“She comes here, they'll be hell to pay.” Dean kissed his forehead. “You’re home now Cas. I feel it. Doesn’t it finally feel... right?”

He looked up, flicking his eyes between Dean’s. “My chest hurts. Worse than it ever has... I don’t know what it means.”

Dean’s hurt too, but he wasn’t about to worry about that. “We should take you in, get it looked at.” He stood up and adjusted his morning wood. “Gotta piss, be right back.” 

Dean went to the bathroom and washed up. He pulled out a spare toothbrush for Cas and smiled as he set it next to his.

“Got you a toothbrush in there. Ima call my best friend. He’ll help.” Dean grabbed his phone and ran a hand down his face, he could feel Cas’ eyes on him but he couldn’t focus on that. He had to give Cas some peace of mind.

He nodded and walked over, wrapping his arms around Dean’s middle. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but... thank you, Dean.”

“You were just, you. You deserve more than I can ever give you, but ima damn well try.” Dean put an arm around his shoulders, loving how perfectly he fit in his arms. “Welcome.” He placed one more kiss to his head and pressed call, the phone on speaker.

Cas didn’t move, but Dean felt his hands fist against his back as Jask answered. “Hey, D. Haven’t heard from you in a few days, ‘bout time you remember your best friend.”

“You’re the busy one, asshat.”  _ No time for banter, Dean.  _ “Hey... you remember that Amazon delivery guy I told you about?”

“You mean the one you’re so in love with you’re contemplating sending us all to prison? Sure do, why? You finally get your man?”

Dean blushed and hid his face in Cas’ hair. “Yeah... that’ll be the one. He’s right here. J, I need your help. She’s... abusive. I’m... he’s... he can’t go back.”

“Shit.” Jask paused and Cas cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go, I didn’t mean to put anyone in a bad position.”

Dean could practically hear Jask roll his eyes. “Listen, you did the right thing by leaving. The law isn’t on your side, but we are, okay? All of us. Just... sit tight, guys. I’ll be over in twenty minutes.”

“Thanks, J. I owe you one.”

“No, D. You don’t, okay? This shit isn’t a favor, it’s me finally doing something I should’ve done ages ago. What the fuck is the point of being a cop if I can’t protect people that need it the most?” Jask hung up after a half second pause, and Cas looked at Dean with hope in his eyes. 

“I should tell you... I got your voicemail. And I don’t ‘think’ either... I know. I love you, and no matter what happens, I’m never going back.”

Dean tossed his phone on the bed and smiled. “Good. I love you too, and as you heard, I’ve already told everyone about you, sorry.”

Cas chuckled quietly and flicked his eyes to Dean’s lips. “Don’t be sorry. I didn’t have anyone I could tell, or I absolutely would have. They’d have gotten sick of me.”

Dean laughed. “Let’s go coffee and I’ll make you breakfast. Take your time, handsome.” He kissed his cheek and walked out towards the kitchen. He’d imagined cooking Cas breakfast almost every morning he woke up alone, and now he finally could. 

Dean added more water to the coffee maker and hit brew, smiling to himself when he pictured how adorable Cas looked this morning.

A few minutes later, Cas puttered around the corner and sniffed the air, smiling. “Do you need to work today?”

“Nah, it's snowing.” Dean nodded at the slider door. “You ever peek in here on those deliveries?” He grinned and pulled out the eggs once the bacon was frying. “How do you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled, please. And yes, I tried once... I actually knocked, before we started texting. I wanted to meet you.” Cas took a sip of his coffee and leaned back against the counter. “I think you were asleep.”

“Probably was.” Dean looked him up and down, loving him in his clothes. “You can wear my clothes any day.”

Cas’ smile faded slowly as he looked down at his outfit. “I’ll have to, I... Dean, I don’t even have  _ shoes. _ I don’t have my wallet, or... anything.” The last word came out more like a squeak than anything else, and Cas wrapped his arms around himself again. “I don’t have anything anymore.”

“Yeah you do. Look around. This is all yours. We’ll get new stuff, it’s just stuff, love.” Dean walked over and touched his face. “You can’t go back to that job though, you can use my phone to call in. Hell, Jask will figure it out, we’ll get your stuff too. Everything will be okay.”

He nodded a little, leaning into the touch and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry, Dean. This wasn’t how I imagined starting a life with you, I thought I’d at least be able to contribute something.”

“You’re contributing more than you know, sweetheart.” Dean leaned in to kiss his cheek and was interrupted by a knock. “That’s Jask. He’s loud, but he’s my best friend. You’ll like him and I’m sure he’ll try to embarrass me eventually.” He smiled and walked over to the door, tugging it open with a fake frown. “That was like thirty minutes.”

“Sorry, I stopped at the station.” Jask poked his hairy head through the door and shoved his way past Dean. “Where is he? I gotta see this guy.”

“He’s in the kitchen, looking adorable in my clothes. Come on.” Dean locked the door behind him, just to be safe and led the way. “Cas, this is Jask. My friend since... I don’t know, my whole life. Jask, this is Cas. The man that owns my entire heart.”

Jask eyed Cas unashamedly, and Cas blushed furiously under his gaze. “Well, D... that explains it. Alright, first of all... it’s nice to finally meet you, Cas. I was starting to think Dean was making you up.”

“Oh. No, I... I think I’m real.” He dropped his eyes, and Jask gave Dean a  _ you weren’t kidding _ kind of look.

Dean raised his eyebrows at him. “Sometimes I thought  _ I _ was making him up. He’s too good to be true. Hungry, J? That’s a dumb question, course you are.” Dean walked back to the stove to flip the bacon and mix the eggs. “You see those eyes, man? Out of this world.” He grinned, happy to be showing Cas off.

Cas came over to Dean and tugged gently on his shirt. “Can I help?” 

“Jesus, D. Where’d you find him again? Ordered him off Amazon? I need one, I can’t get Ares to do a goddamn thing around the house anymore.”

“You spoiled him,” Dean joked. “Nah, I got this. Go relax, baby.” He kissed his head, knowing damn well he was about to spoil Cas, too.

They ate and cleaned up, and Jask managed to only ask about sixty-seven questions that were borderline inappropriate. Cas looked exhausted, and they hadn’t even gotten to the important shit yet.

Dean cleared his throat and scratched his head. “So... what do I do, man? You’ll have to arrest me before he goes back there.”

“I stopped at the station, she hasn’t reported him missing or anything yet. But I gotta ask, have you two done  _ anything  _ that she could say was cheating? We might have the upper hand at the moment because if you didn’t do anything wrong, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” Jask leaned forward, took one look between the two of them, then rolled his eyes. “That’s a hopeless request, isn’t it.”

Dean bit his lip. “I mean... we haven’t... done  _ it…  _ if that helps.”

“Yeah, but look at you two. That’s a miracle on its own.” Jask slowly tilted his head in contemplation and side-eyed Cas. “Look, I get it if you don’t wanna talk about it, but I need to know what she did to you. The laws are clear, but that actually works in our favor. It’s pretty thoroughly outlined what she can get away with and what she can’t, so if even  _ one _ thing isn’t protected under her rights as your mate... I can nail her ass to a cross for this.” 

Cas shifted uncomfortably and nodded slowly. “No, I understand. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”

As Cas told the story, Dean tensed. He held onto every word, every detail that filled in the gaps of the last few months.

If he hated Meg before, that was nothing compared to what he felt now. And the fact that the bitch stayed within all the damn laws was infuriating. “Jask, are the laws the same if a man hits a woman that is his soulmate? Does anyone have protection from abuse?”

“Soulmates are soulmates, regardless of gender. Under the law, you more or less become the property of whoever you’re bonded to, and it absolutely goes both ways. He could’ve given her back everything she gave him and it woulda been a wash.” Jask sat back and tipped his chin up. “Gotta ask, man. Why didn’t you?” 

Cas looked like he was struggling to come up with a good answer. “I just... never wanted to be the reason someone went to bed at night in pain, whether they deserved it or not. And truthfully, I never saw a point. I didn’t think she’d stop, and there was a very real possibility that stooping to her level would only make it worse. I realize that probably makes me sound weak... how many men get abused by women, and especially by one as tiny as Meg?”

“You’d be surprised how often it happens, and it doesn’t make you weak.” Jask ran a hand over his jaw. “I gotta be honest though, we don’t have a lotta options here.”

Dean moved to pull Cas close, hoping he could find comfort in his arms. “I’m sorry you went through that. I wish I knew, I wish I coulda helped you.” He looked towards Jask, hating to ask. “How long do you think till they catch up with him?”

“Couple of days, maybe a week if we’re lucky. Just depends on how willing she is to let him go. If she decides she doesn’t care, then... no crime, no time.” 

Cas buried his face in Dean’s chest and hitched a breath. “Should I run, Jask? Is there a point? I can’t go back.”

“We. Should  _ we _ run? You’re stuck with me, Cas. I’ll move tomorrow if it keeps you safe.” Dean turned to pull him completely onto his lap, holding him protectively.

“God, that’s equal parts gross and adorable. Don’t stop.” Jask laughed, and Castiel latched onto Dean. “Nah, don’t run. I say, enjoy the time you have and leave the bullshit to me. I’ve got Ares checking with a couple lawyer friends of his, and I put in a call to a judge that owes me a favor, so if she comes... we’ll be ready.”

“Alright, thanks man. I don’t get it though, how could nature get it so wrong? And I mean... so wrong, in every single way.” Dean eyed his friend. He was happy he had lawyer friends, but he knew if any of them would find the solution, it would be Sam.

Jask fidgeted with the cord on his radio. “When you’ve seen as much shit as I have, you start asking yourself a lot of questions like that. Cas is by no means the first person I’ve come across not in love with their soulmate, and as far as I can tell... it’s all bullshit. We get those names in the damn womb, but life happens, you know? Shit happens on a daily basis that changes who we are. It’s possible that who she was supposed to be is completely different than who she turned out to be. Just because someone is our soulmate when we’re born or even when we’re 20, 40, 90... whatever... doesn’t mean they always will be. Me and Ares are coming up on ten years, and while I still love him every bit as much as I did on day one... I can promise you, he’s not the same. Neither am I. I guess some people just change too much.” He looked at Cas, who had shifted to sit next to Dean but was still holding onto him for dear life. “I’m sorry, it seems like yours changed before you even got a chance to know her. I can’t imagine the shit you’ve suffered, but I’m gonna do whatever I can to make sure that stops now.”

Cas had tears welling in his eyes as he nodded. “Thank you, that... that explains a lot.”

“Makes sense.” Dean ran the pad of his thumb across Cas’ cheek. “You’re safe now, it’s okay to feel however you feel, okay?”

He gripped Dean’s shirt tighter, his body half draped across Dean’s. “Jask, do you have any idea why my rib hurts so bad? It’s been like this for months. It always caused me some discomfort, but it was never this bad before. Has anyone else ever told you the same thing?”

Jask squinted at him and shook his head. “Nah, nothing that bad. The discomfort thing, sure... I always just took it to mean your body’s rejecting your mate, but nothing’s ever really happened.”

“It hurts because it’s wrong. Jask, can we get Cas in to see a doctor without being on an official record?”

“Maybe. I’ve got a friend up at Jamison, if you give me enough time to see when she’s working, I could send you to her. She’ll keep anything you discussed off the record unless it’s something directly related to your health.” Jask gestured to Cas and stood up. “Looks like I got a lotta work to do.”

“You’re savin’ our asses, J.” Dean got up and walked over, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you doesn’t cover it.”

He clapped Dean’s shoulder and pulled back, a soft smile on his face. “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right? I’ll call you when I know something.” He offered Cas a wave, and then left. 

Cas came up behind Dean and touched his arm. “I can see why you’re so fond of him.”

“Ehh, he’s alright.” Dean joked and turned to face Cas, staring into his eyes. “Told you I’d do everything to keep you safe. I love you.”

“I love you, Dean.” Cas reached up and lightly touched Dean’s lip, staring at it like he’d never seen one before. “Can I...?”

Dean watched him for any hesitation. “You sure?” His arms wrapped around him as they moved closer to each other, and Cas nodded quickly. 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” He leaned up on his toes slightly and pressed their lips together, then dropped back down quickly. Cas looked a little shocked, a little scared, and took a second to rub his rib. “Sorry, that was...” he launched himself back up, kissing Dean again with everything he was.

Dean couldn’t help but smile at how cute Cas was being, but the kiss was still the best thing he’d ever experienced. He licked at Cas’ lips and deepened the kiss, swallowing his needy moans and gripping his ass.

Cas was instantly pliant, sliding his hands under Dean’s shirt and pressing their bodies together more insistently.

Dean felt Cas tense when his hand rubbed against his side and pulled away. “M’sorry. I don’t wanna hurt you.” Cas’ kiss swollen lips and flushed cheeks were so adorable it hurt.

The shutdown was almost instant. Cas dropped his hands and took a step back, nodding in the general direction of the ground. “We should... eat lunch. Jask was here a long time.” 

He watched Cas patter to the kitchen at an absolute loss for words. Dean just didn’t want to cause Cas anymore pain, why did it seem like Cas thought Dean didn’t want him at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere!  
> .... sort of.


	15. Castiel

Cas made his way to the kitchen, knowing damn well that eating food was the last thing on his mind. Dean knew how badly he wanted this, and maybe Cas had overreacted by walking away, but... if they continued, it was their freedom on the line. He wasn’t willing to take that risk until he was absolutely positive Dean wanted - no, _needed_ \- it as badly as he did. 

The kitchen was unfamiliar to him, so he mindlessly opened and closed cabinet doors until he found plates. He still didn’t have any food to put on them, but at least it was a start. Anything to distract himself from how it felt like his bones were screaming for Dean.

Dean walked in a moment later, rubbing the back of his neck. “Cas... I’m not hungry, yet. Are you?”

“No.” He whirled around, careful to set the plates down without breaking them. “I’m not.” Cas’ heart jumped into his throat, but he couldn’t take it another second. Despite the pain all over his body, he needed Dean. He’d waited too long for this; suffered too much to get there just to back off now. He closed the distance between them and looked up at Dean with a look he knew was desperate, but honest. Cas kissed him again, heat and adrenaline and lust pumping through his veins. _“Please_ , Dean.”

Dean closed his eyes like he was fighting some internal battle, but before Cas could even process it, he leaned back in, crashing their mouths together. Dean growled into his mouth and gripped below his ass, lifting him up with ease and carrying him towards his room.

He wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and whimpered against his lips, hoping with everything he was that Dean wasn’t gentle with him. After years of having to repress what he truly desired, he needed to _know_ he was with a man.

Dean tossed him on the bed and grinned. “You sure, baby? I want you so bad it hurts.” He palmed his hard cock through his sweats.

“Yes.” Cas twitched in Dean’s oversized pajama pants and lifted his hips to wiggle out of them, not wasting any time. “Please, Dean... you heard Jask. We might not have much time. Please.”

Dean grabbed the waistband and helped Cas slide them down. “Fucking gorgeous, sweetheart.” He shrugged off his t-shirt and started rubbing up Cas’ legs gently, placing kisses along the way. “I’m gonna take care of you.”

The words made him shiver, but they were nothing compared to Dean’s hands. Cas sat up to pull his shirt off and tossed it to the ground, then spread his legs. This was the first time in his entire life he was going to have sex because he truly wanted to, and he didn’t care how pathetic or desperate he looked - he wanted Dean to know exactly how willing he really was. “I trust you, Dean. I know you’ll take care of me, and I’ll take care of you.”

Dean stood up again and walked over to the drawer for his lube, then pulled his own pants off. He gripped his cock, with his bottom lip between his teeth.

One look at it had Cas scrambling off the bed and kneeling on the floor in front of Dean. As badly as he wanted Dean inside of him, there was something else he wanted just as badly. He opened his mouth, chasing Dean’s cock with his tongue until they finally made contact.

Dean released a shaky breath and then groaned. “Cas...” He ran his hand through his hair and gripped softly. “So good.”

He was near crazed with the desire to keep making Dean sound like that. Cas would probably never admit it, but he’d practiced on that dildo so many times he was _sure_ he’d be at least passable at it, and if nothing else, he could handle it rough. Cas slid Dean’s cock into his throat and hummed, reaching down to grip his own when it pulsed hungrily.

Dean’s body rocked into his mouth, and then he pulled him off his cock. “I want you so bad, Cas. Please.”

Cas unashamedly tried to fight Dean’s grip on his hair to get back to what he was doing because he hadn’t quite gotten what he wanted yet. He pulled Dean back in, sucking hard until he could taste that first little bead of precome. His eyes closed on their own and he moaned, stopping his movements and holding there as a shiver ran down his spine. _This is what I’ve been missing for years. For my entire life._

Dean shuddered and his knees nearly gave out. “Fuck... gonna swallow it all, baby?” Cas could feel the moment Dean caved and let Cas have the control.

He pulled his mouth off and replaced it with his hand, nodding quickly. “Yes, I’ll swallow it all. Every drop, I wanna taste you so bad.” Cas dove back in, testing his own limits as he kept going until his nose was pressed to Dean’s pelvis.

“Fuck... you’re doing perfect, sweetheart. Not gonna last long.” He touched his face lovingly, watching his cock slide in and out of Cas’ mouth.

Working with a real dick - especially one with an extra inch - was a lot different than a dildo, but so, so much better. Cas loved everything about it, the stretch, the taste, the pressure in the back of his throat. The way Dean was moaning his name... he hummed, hollowing out his cheeks and reaching up to play with Dean’s balls.

“Shhhhit. Fuck, I’m close.” Dean’s cock pulsed in Cas’ mouth. and the movement was fucking incredible. 

Cas slid his hand over his own cock, squeezing and pumping as he realized how close he was to tasting real come for the first time.

“Don’t come, baby. I want it.” Dean grunted and his hips sputtered. “Gonna come... Cas!”

One more bob of his head had Dean releasing and holding Cas in place as hot, delicious come threatened to choke him. It took an inordinate amount of control for Cas to not come in his own fist as he swallowed every last drop of Dean, pulling off and licking over the shaft, tip, and finally Dean’s balls. Nothing at all leaked out, but it didn’t do much to stop Cas searching for more. 

A pang in his chest knocked the breath right from his lungs and he gasped, looking up at Dean and hoping Dean just thought it was from the blow job he’d given.

“You okay, baby? That was awesome.” Dean reached down to help Cas stand and laid him back on the bed. He kissed him, tasting himself on Cas’ tongue and then started kissing and nipping down his neck. Dean gripped Cas’ hands and held them above his head as he flicked his tongue across his nipple, glancing up to watch his reactions.

Having Dean’s mouth on him was arguably the greatest thing he’d ever experienced. The strong jaw and stubble reminded him _constantly_ that Dean wasn’t Meg, that Dean was a _man,_ and Dean was now _his._ Or, at least as much as he ever could be. He nodded quickly, gasping out a shuddering breath and squirming under him. “Dean, it hurts... please...” he rutted up, his achingly hard cock begging for friction. “Please let me come.”

“Okay, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” Dean continued kissing down to Cas’ cock. He lapped at the leaking tip and smiled, before sucking him inside his mouth, instantly setting a pace. Dean knew Cas was already close and didn’t want to tease anymore.

For a moment, Cas’ entire world narrowed down to Dean’s tongue. He was hyper aware of every individual taste bud sliding against him and coaxing him closer, closer, closer... “Dean!” Cas cried out with a mix of relief and pain as the latter lanced through his chest, more or less overshadowed by the orgasm ripping through him.

Dean glanced up to watch as he milked Cas for every drop, humming around the head before he slid off. “You okay?”

He rubbed his chest as the pain subsided and nodded, staring at Dean’s gorgeous, flushed face. “Yes. Holy shit, yes. Are you?” 

“Yeah.” Dean started kissing his way back up, sliding his tongue into Cas’ mouth so he could taste them both.

Cas had never been so turned on with an uncooperative dick in his life. That was a lie, he’d never been so turned on _period._ He wrapped his legs around Dean to hold him there, terrified that if he let go, he’d somehow never get Dean back. “Stay with me?”

“Always.” Dean rutted their spent cocks together and smiled. “I know what I wanna try next. But not until you have some water and a protein bar. Cuddles first.” Dean maneuvered Cas with ease so they were laying together against the headboard, and Cas could hear his heartbeat slowing in his chest.

It was strange, being held like that. Like he was someone important, and not someone to be used or beat or put down. Cas found himself once again blinking back tears and holding onto Dean like he’d fly off into outer space if he wasn’t careful. “What are we trying next?” _Please tell me you’re finally going to fuck me into the mattress like you promised on the phone._

“Frottage. I’m givin’ you every damn experience today, sweetheart.” Dean kissed his head, and the gesture alleviated some of Cas’ disappointment that he’d still have to wait. 

Cas tilted to kiss Dean’s jaw and then continued on, mouthing over the strong line until he was dipping down to suck on his neck. He slid up to straddle Dean, pressing their bodies together and moaned at how solid he felt below him. “I trust you, Dean.”

Dean ran his hands up his back lovingly. “You’re so beautiful, Cas.” He cupped his chin and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

It was an effort to stop for that protein bar and water, and by the time Cas finished both, he was almost shaking with need. Dean being naked so close to him was making it impossible to shove down the desires he’d hidden for years, especially now that he knew he could have it. When he drained the water, he pushed Dean onto his back and kissed messily down his body until he was flicking Dean’s cock back into his mouth with his tongue.

Dean chuckled at Cas and pulled him off his already hardening cock. “Climb on my lap.” He helped position Cas on him and lubed up his hand as they rutted against each other. 

Dean gripped their cocks and started slow, watching Cas’ eyes dilate before him. “Feel good, baby?”

“Yes,” Cas gasped out. He couldn’t look away, the sight of another dick rubbing against his own did things for him and to him that he hadn’t thought possible. “Yes, Dean.” He slid experimentally, feeling every centimeter of their lengths making contact.

“Yeah, just like that.” Dean bit his lip, staring down at their cocks. “Look at how good they look together, sweetheart. Want you to come all over my stomach.”

Cas wanted that to happen to _him_ more than anything, but he couldn’t deny Dean. He had to hope there would be time, that they wouldn’t get caught before he got a chance to feel Dean’s hot come on his skin. “Fuck, I’m... Dean, I -” he thrusted once more into Dean’s hand as he came, throwing his head back and choking on the moan that forced its way out.

“Beautiful, Cas. So fucki-” Dean grunted and came with Cas, still stroking them through as both of their hips slowed to a stop. He looked up at Cas’ fucked out gaze and brought his come covered hand to Cas’ lips.

He didn’t hesitate for a moment, he licked over Dean’s hand and sucked his fingers into his mouth, still weakly moving his hips. They tasted even better together than they had separately, and Cas’ full body shivered and jerked as he hungrily sucked in another finger.

Dean hummed and watched in awe. “Fucking love you.” He pulled him into a messy, lazy kiss.

Cas stayed there for a moment and then wiggled down, greedily licking every drop of that mess from Dean’s stomach. He didn’t care how it looked, or how he sounded every time the taste hit his tongue and he whined... he fucking loved it. “I love you, too.”

They were both absolute messes, and Cas kissed his way back up Dean’s body. “We should shower… or should we wait? You _are_ going to fuck me at some point?” He tried to keep the plea from his voice, but it was fucking cruel that he hadn’t even felt Dean’s fingers yet. 

Dean chuckled. “Course I am. Let’s shower and I’ll slowly work you open in there. By the time we’re out, you’re gonna be leaking for me, babe.”

Cas was skeptical about them both being ready to go again so soon, but he trusted Dean, and that was the first time he’d ever even gotten off twice in a row. He nodded, ignoring the mounting ache in his chest and pinching Dean’s nipple gently between his teeth before sliding off of him and standing up. “I absolutely believe you.”

“We can also rest? Totally up to you. But we definitely need a shower.”

“Let’s just see what happens? I’m... I’m honestly not sure how this normally works.” Cas smiled a little sheepishly and reached out for Dean, knowing that either way, he didn’t want to stop touching him.

Dean smiled and led the way to the shower. Once the water was perfectly warm, he motioned for Cas to get in first. “Not to brag or anything, but my shower is kinda awesome.”

He eyed it, grinning and stepping in. “Dean, did you build your own house just to put this shower in?”

“Kinda. It needed some work and I started with this bathroom first and then just gutted the whole thing. I needed this shower and that tub, which you’re gonna try out later.” He pointed to the giant tub adjacent to the shower.

Cas just prayed they didn’t get caught first, because he wanted to try _everything_ Dean and his house had to offer. He suddenly felt like he was running out of time at just 24 years old, so he pulled Dean close to him under the water and rested his head against his chest. “You’re incredible, Dean. All of you.”

“You are.” Dean pecked his lips. “Member that lock box we talked about yesterday? I already started on it, but now you don’t need to hide your toys. I hope I’m enough for you, but if not, you can have toys and stuff. I’ll never try to control you.”

The throb in his rib cage made him gasp, and he clutched onto Dean. “You are enough, you’ll always be enough. I think I’d only use toys if you wanted to watch.”

Dean grinned at that. “I like the sound of that, but I might get jealous and throw it across the room so I can fuck you into the mattress.”

Cas pulled back, looking at Dean with wide eyes. “I’m beginning to think I should’ve brought it with me, then.” He tilted his head to the side under the water and let it run down his neck and chest.

“We’ll get a new one. Or we’ll grab him when we get your stuff. I know Jask will figure out a way.” Dean ran his fingers through his wet hair.

He leaned into Dean’s touch, closing his eyes and humming quietly. “I don’t really care about any of it, she broke everything I ever cared about. The rest is just clothes.”

“Then we’ll get new stuff, and all this stuff is yours now. This is your home. Not to mention, you look cute as hell in my clothes.” Dean kissed his lips and stepped under the water once Cas moved out of the way, and between gentle kisses and soft touches they both somehow managed to get clean. 

Cas wrapped himself up in a towel and watched Dean’s body disappear under a robe. He laughed, surprised by that tiny detail of all the things he’d learned about Dean. “Speaking of clothes, though… unless you prefer I stayed naked, I think I’ll need some of those.”

“This is the hardest decision of my life. I want you naked, but I also want to see you in my hot dog pajama pants.” He made a pained face. “Alright, let’s get comfy and cuddle. I gotta see you in my pajamas, Cas.”

A horrified expression crossed Cas’ face. “I lied, we have to call Jask. I lost my bee pajama pants _and_ my pretzel ones.”

“We’ll get them love.” He kissed Cas to help calm him. “We will. Here.” Dean got him his pajamas and a white t-shirt.

Cas got dressed, all thoughts of his own pajamas leaving his mind because Dean’s were _amazing._ Soft, warm, clearly well-worn... and just a little big on him. He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face as he hugged himself. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Welcome.” Dean slid on some sweats and shrugged. “Good enough?”

“Absolutely.” Cas still couldn’t believe that the man who once had him place a package in a tree branch with testicles was standing in front of him, let alone looked like that. It still seemed like a dream. He pulled Dean to him and kissed him again, tumbling backward onto the bed.

Dean cuddled as close as possible. “Nap. I’ll wake you in a bit.” He held him protectively and sighed happily.

Not in a position to argue, Cas nodded and closed his eyes, feeling safe despite the mounting fear that they’d be caught. 

He was asleep in minutes. 

~~~~

A few hours later, Dean woke up rutting against Castiel’s ass. He was mostly asleep, but his hands started roaming Cas’ body.

Cas was awake instantly, not at all used to that kind of attention. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was and exactly who was touching him, and he blushed as it sunk in. “Dean?” he whispered.

“Hmm?” Dean rutted against him again. “Mornin’ sweetheart.” He slid his hand inside the waistband of Cas’ pajamas.

He was already hard, the product of just simply waking up. Cas wiggled backward, breath catching in his throat at the feel of Dean’s length rubbing against him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Dean lifted his head up to kiss along Cas’ neck. “Missed you while I slept.”

Cas leaned back, moaning softly as Dean’s hand just _barely_ went where he wanted it. “I missed you, too... has it been long enough yet?”

“Mmhmm.” Dean moved to lift Cas’ shirt off and tossed it aside so he could kiss down his back. “Want you so bad, baby.” He slid his hand down to squeeze Cas’ ass. “Need this ass.”

Dean wasn’t the only one that needed it, now that it was actually time - or, hopefully close to it - Cas’ body was tight with tension and need. He heaved a panting breath and shoved those pajama pants down, exposing his ass to Dean. “It’s yours, it’s been yours for months. Should’ve been my entire life.”

“You’re here now, Cas. I’ve got you.” Dean rolled him onto his stomach and grabbed the bottle from the nightstand. He slicked up his fingers while kissing and sucking down Cas’ back, stopping at a couple of bruises, and kissing those gently. He took his time warming up the lube but when he felt Cas squirm, he slid one thick digit inside.

The angle was so different than anything he’d ever managed himself that for a moment, it overwhelmed him. Dean’s fingers were thicker than his own, rougher, stronger. He fisted his hands in the sheets underneath the pillow above him and spread his legs, letting out a soft whine as he realized with a certainty he’d never known before that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” Dean leaned down and kissed along the small of his back.

_I have absolutely never been better in my entire life, but I have a feeling speaking is going to be impossible._ Sure enough, all Cas managed to choke out is a ‘yes.’ It wasn’t that he couldn’t take the single finger Dean was spearing him with, it was the mounting pain in his chest and the crashing wave of emotion at getting something he never thought he’d get. His shoulders bunched and he spread further, rocking back on that finger. “Yes, Dean,” he gasped. 

“Good.” Dean slid in a second finger. “So tight, keep breathing, gorgeous.”

It was an effort, but he huffed out a slow, shuddering breath. Cas forced himself to relax, starting in his shoulders and working all the way down to his toes. Any discomfort from Dean’s fingers ebbed away and he grinned against the mattress. “Fuck, your fingers feel amazing, Dean. I can’t wait, I need you.”

“Almost there, Cas. Just...” He slid in a third finger and had to grab his own throbbing cock. “Almost ready for me.”

Cas needed it so bad he couldn’t breathe, didn’t _want_ to breathe again until Dean was finally inside of him. He didn’t understand what was happening in his chest, but his ass? That he understood, and he lifted himself to his knees, slowly enough that Dean’s fingers moved with him. He lurched forward, back bowing slightly as he punched out the air he was trapping in his lungs and then wiggled back, moaning Dean’s name as he felt himself stretch further.

“Ah, fuck, Cas. I need you.” Dean pulled his fingers out faster than he should have, and started stroking himself. “Roll over for me.”

He flipped to his back, getting his first good look at Dean since this started. His body was flushed, cock hard and leaking, and Dean looked every bit as ready for this as Cas was. Cas reached up and pulled Dean down to him, kissing him sloppily, desperately, as he spread his legs again. “Please, Dean.”

Dean just moaned a response and lined up to Cas’ entrance. He nudged it twice, and then finally began to sink inside. His eyes were closed as if he was holding back, but his mouth was slack from pleasure.

Cas didn’t know how much he could ask of Dean in that situation, he already felt like he’d been too needy, begged too much. He’d take what he could get, and knowing what he knew about Dean, it would absolutely still be enough. He belatedly registered the burn working its way through his body and gasped Dean’s name, bringing his nails up to Dean’s back and digging in harder than he should.

Dean’s eyes shot open as he watched Cas with a worried yet aroused expression. He pushed in further so the entire head was in and paused, “Still okay, Cas? You feel so damn good.”

He did nothing but nod in answer, reaching down to grip his own hard cock, squeezing it gently. Every breath spiked pain in his rib, but part of him somehow _finally_ understood what it was, and there wasn’t a damn thing in the world that could’ve stopped him from seeing it through. “More, Dean.”

Dean nodded and pushed in further. It was agonizingly slow, but when he finally bottomed out, they groaned together. He moved in circles before thrusting in and out, and soon his patience gave way to his arousal as Dean started fucking into Cas, searching for his sweet spot.

The first time Dean hit Cas’ prostate, he nearly blacked out. The warring sensations inside of him fought for his attention, and whatever Dean just did to him absolutely won out. His cock pulsed and leaked precome, and Cas’ fist worked furiously over it, spreading it around until he was planting his feet and attempting to meet Dean’s thrusts. He became a babbling mess of pleas and profanity, never settling on one for more than a couple of words. His voice was wrecked like he’d just spent hours training himself with that dildo as he gripped the back of Dean’s neck and clenched around him. “Fuck, Dean, please, please! Shit, oh -”

Dean hips shuddered and he sped up, fucking Cas hard into the mattress. “Fuck! Ass is so... ima come!” He slammed inside, filling Cas up.

What happened next will forever remain a blur of pleasure, pain, and rebirth. Cas felt Dean’s hot come rushing through him and the forcefulness of Dean’s thrusts sent him hurtling over the edge. He covered himself and Dean as wave after wave of intense, consuming orgasm rocked through him... and then he screamed, as the rib bearing Meg’s name snapped cleanly inside of his chest. 

It was agony like he’d never known, it ripped the breath from his body and threatened to break him in half... and then it was gone. He laid there, limp, dazed... and utterly new. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... let’s hear it.


	16. Dean

Dean panted above Cas, a sharp pain in his ribs, but he clearly saw Cas’ pain was much greater than his. “Cas!” He gripped his chin softly. “Baby, what happened?”

“Broke,” Cas offered weakly, his tear-flecked eyes fluttering shut. “It’s over, I’m okay. I’m okay.”

Dean placed his hand on his rib and ran his thumb over it. “We have to go in. I don’t know how it happened? I wasn’t...” He didn’t know how he could have injured Cas, he had tried to stay in control.

A tear ran down Cas’ cheek, but he was smiling, it didn’t look like he was in pain at all. “You didn’t hurt me, Dean. It’s been coming for a long, long time, I think. You were incredible.” 

Dean leaned in and kissed him. “What do you think it means, Cas?” He was still inside him and regardless of what just happened, he didn’t want to slide out yet.

Cas opened his eyes, reaching up to touch Dean’s face. “I don’t know, but I’m not in pain at all now. This is the first time that’s happened...” he trailed off, shaking his head. “It’s been a long time, Dean. Whatever happened... it’s over.”

Dean nodded, still very worried about Cas being in pain. He slowly slid out, already missing Cas’ warm ass, and then ran to the bathroom to grab a hand towel to clean them off. Once he got Cas back in his pajamas he went to wash his hands. “I gotta call J.” Dean grabbed his phone and hit call, once again putting it on speaker phone for Cas.

“I didn’t find anything yet, D. I know you’re stressed about it, but... I’m working on it, I promise.”

“Alright good. We’re gonna go in today. His rib just snapped, J. But now he’s perfectly fine.” He almost mentioned his own pain but didn’t want to worry Cas.

“His... what? How freaking hard were you fucking him that you’re snapping ribs? Jesus, D... maybe me and Ares shoulda made that offer a little more seriously.”

“Fuck off. I wasn’t fuckin’ him that hard... was I?” He turned to meet Cas’ pink face. “Sorry. No we felt it as we came. I mean he did. I came, and then he came, and then snap.” He scratched his head, trying to make sense of it all.

Jask huffed a laugh. “You came before the virgin did? Shit, D. How tight was he?”

“Goddammit, J. I’ve never felt anything like it. I don’t even know how I lasted that long. Well, probably because we came twice before we actually fucked.”

A low whistle came through the phone. “You lucky son of a -” his sentence was cut off by Cas clearing his throat, which Jask apparently didn’t miss. “Jesus Christ, D! You had me on speaker?! Shit, I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas was clearly trying not to grin, but failing miserably. “No, no... please. Carry on.”

Dean blushed and covered his face as he laughed. “M’sorry sweetheart. That ass was just... I’d tweet about it if I knew how.” He leaned in to kiss him and then tried to get back on track. “What were we talking about?”

“You apparently fucked him hard enough to break his rib. Which one was it, anyway? Some are more dangerous than others, though I’m guessing it’s not too bad since he’s still laughing.” 

Cas covered his mouth to stifle the laugh. “It was the one with my bond mark.”

Jask was silent for a long moment. Too long, actually. “No, seriously. Which one was it?”

“He just told you. He’s been holdin’ his side since he got here and now it finally snapped. J, could she do that to him? I don’t understand.”

“No, Dean.” Jask’s voice was calm, but the use of his full name was fucking jarring. “Those ribs aren’t even real ribs, I... shit, I don’t understand the fucking biomechanics of it, but they don’t break. Ever. You could take a sledgehammer to one and it wouldn’t so much as crack. He’s gotta be wrong, it has to be the one below it or something.” 

A frowning Cas splayed his fingers over his ribs and tapped them like piano keys. “No, I’m absolutely sure that was the one, unless the pain radiated away from the source.”

Dean was so damn confused. “We gotta go in. If it radiated from somewhere serious, we have to know. But if it was that rib... you sure they can’t break? Cause... I felt it too.” He finally decided to admit it.

Cas reached over to squeeze his hand and Jask laughed almost bitterly. “Ahh, Jesus, D. You know what... I’m actually kinda gonna be pissed...” he was mumbling more to himself than anyone else. “Just go see the doc, call me when you get the results.” He barked another laugh. “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.” 

_Click._

“Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean looked at his phone and then over at Cas. “Yeah, I’m fine. Worried about you, Cas.” He touched his cheek lovingly.

“Don’t be.” Cas kissed him, then slid off the bed. “Let’s go, I’ll prove to you that I’m fine. And then... I’d kind of like to see if you _could_ fuck me hard enough to break a rib.”

Dean chuckled and pulled him back on his lap to kiss him. “Don’t want to mess with your ribs but I’ll fuck your back out, baby. Don’t doubt me.”

Cas leaned down to gently bite Dean’s neck. “Consider yourself challenged, then.”

“Lucky we got somewhere to be.” He teased and stood up, picking Cas up with him and setting him down. “Let me find you some clothes.” Dean walked to his closet, still completely naked.

They got dressed and Cas once again smiled as he looked down at Dean’s clothes, but it faltered quickly. “Wait, we’re going outside. _I’m_ going outside. What if she...?”

“Relax, Cas. I’m not leavin’ your side. Not for one second. We’re going in, Baby.” He held out his hand, hoping Cas trusted him. “I have a hoodie you can wear to cover your head. Will that help?”

Cas nodded, the familiar tint of fear entering his eyes. “Yes, I think so.” He took Dean’s hand and ultimately accepted the hoodie, covering his head almost instantly.

Dean wrapped an arm around him to keep him close and they made their way to his car. Cas sat in the middle seat, so Dean could keep his hand on him the entire drive there. He put in an old 80’s mix and sang to make Cas smile.

It worked, even if only for a moment. Cas stayed latched onto him the entire drive, keeping his head low and refusing to even look out the windows. When they pulled in, Dean double checked the name Jask had texted him, Dr. Vantoch. 

She was already waiting outside, holding the door ajar with her foot as her eyes scanned the lot. She spotted them, gave them a cursory once-over, then waved them in. 

Cas clung to Dean even tighter as they made their way to the door, but Cas stopped him just shy of it. “Dean... promise me. Whatever happens in there, I love you. Don’t forget that.”

“I love you. Everything will be okay... I feel it.” He pulled Cas in and nuzzled his neck. “I’m right here.”

Dr. Vantoch offered a tight smile, lead them inside and motioned for them to have a seat. “Jaskier filled me in, how long did the pain last, Castiel?”

“This time, or overall?” Cas laced his fingers with Dean’s and squeezed tighter than normal. 

“Both?”

He took a deep breath. “It started the day I got my x-ray, honestly. It wasn’t constant, though, not until a few months ago. It’s been steadily getting worse, and then, this morning...” Cas flicked his eyes toward Dean. “It only lasted a handful of seconds but it was bad enough I thought I was dying. And then it just... stopped, like the thing had never so much as ached before.”

She tilted her head. “That’s strange. Are you willing to get another x-ray? Dean will have to step out a moment, but it will be fairly quick.” Dean tensed, but he knew it had to happen.

“No,” Cas shook his head, clutching Dean painfully hard as panic etched itself all over his face. “No, I don’t care what it says, he stays, or I’m leaving.”

“No, it’s very dangerous for him to be in the room. You see the wall there? He just has to step behind it, I will too.” 

Dean turned to Cas. “I’m right here, baby. Everything is okay.”

Cas twitched nervously but seemed to calm down as he looked into Dean’s eyes. “Right. Okay.” He nodded absentmindedly, no longer looking like he was seeing much of anything. “Go ahead.”

She led Dean around the corner and then returned inside. He paced about five seconds before he walked back and peaked around the wall, watching her set up the machine while Cas took off his clothes.

When the doctor saw his marks she frowned. “Did he do this to you?” She whispered to Cas. Dean nearly walked over but decided that would just make him look worse.

Cas’ face crumpled and he shook his head. “Dean wouldn’t hurt anyone. I ran _to_ him, not _from_ him. Just... please. We’re not here about those.”

She looked skeptical but continued getting him ready. 

By the time they finished, Dean was already walking in the room back to Cas’ side. He ran his fingers through his hair and touched his face lovingly while she pulled up the results.

Cas looked like he was trying to say a thousand things to Dean with his eyes, but couldn’t seem to get any actual words out.

“Well,” Dr. Vantoch began. “Everything looks okay, despite a little fuzziness - likely just from you moving around - I don’t see anything out of the ordinary yet.” She turned to her computer and pulled up Cas’ soulmate registry entry. “I’m assuming you’re Dean?”

“Yeah. Why?” Dean walked over to look at her screen, confusion on his face.

She smiled at him and clicked around. “It’s just always nice to see soulmates as in love as you two are, that’s all. You said you were in pain though, we should check yours out too while you're here. Jaskier seemed concerned, he said you’re not normally one to complain about discomfort.”

“That says...” He clearly saw his name and then looked back at Cas. “Yeah, can we look at mine?? That says Dean _fucking_ Winchester!”

Cas furrowed his brows and froze, then took a few hesitant steps forward. He gripped Dean’s hand and looked at the x-ray of his chest, his expression absolutely unreadable. “Of course it does. Because _you’re_ my soulmate.” 

The doctor tilted her head at them. “Are you two okay?”

“X-ray his chest, please. Now.” Cas’ tone was unnaturally commanding and the Doctor squinted at him for a moment, and then nodded. 

“Of course, please step outside of the room.” 

Cas jerked and nodded once, then walked stiffly out of the room.

Dean pulled off his shirts and stood in front of the board as she placed the shields, a huge idiotic grin on his face. “That’s my soulmate.”

Dr. Vantoch laughed quietly and double-checked he was ready to go. “You say that like this is surprising to you.” She turned and walked over to take the x-ray, and then came back to remove the shields. “He can come back in, just give me a few moments.” 

Dean pulled his shirt on, not bothering to fix his hair before he pulled Cas in. He was probably squeezing too hard, but he couldn’t help it.

His name was on someone’s ribs... not just someone, _Cas._

Cas huffed a breathless laugh, pulling back after a moment. “Come on, let’s see if I’m in love alone or not.” He pulled Dean back where they could see the screens, and Dr. Vantoch pursed her lips politely. 

Dean suddenly felt nervous. He didn’t know if his ribs would have eight names, or if there would just be a stupid key. He didn’t want Cas to think he was alone in love. Dean loved him, with every damn inch.

“Everything checks out, Mr. Winchester. I don’t see anything that shows a cause for concern.”

When Dean read Castiel Novak across his ribs, he froze. 

All this time... all this time he believed no one would ever love him the way one loves a soulmate. That he’d never have what everyone around him had, and here it was, in front of his eyes. He has a soulmate, he _was_ a soulmate. “Cas...”

Cas was staring just as wide-eyed at the x-ray as Dean was. “That’s… me. You’re my… she’s not…” Cas’ entire body shuddered as a half-strangled, relieved cry wracked through him.

Dr. Vantoch said something about giving them a minute and left the room, and the second she was gone, Cas grasped Dean’s shirt. “She’s not my soulmate anymore, Dean. My rib broke because the bond broke, and it healed because of you. She can’t - Dean, she can’t do anything to me now.”

Dean scooped him up and held him, still in disbelief. “Cas... we’re soulmates. _This_ is how love is supposed to feel.” 

All the memories of Dean’s past loves flashed in his mind and they all felt muted. Those weren’t love. Those were Dean, desperate for something he saw all around him but never understood, and now he _finally_ understood.

Cas kissed him, it was wet as hell from the tears freely coming from Cas’ eyes, but it felt... different. Like the last thing holding Cas back was gone.

Dean wiped away his tears and stuttered when he tried to speak. “Y-you’re my soulmate, sweetheart. I’m yours. I’ve been feelin’ it for months.”

He laughed, a loud, relieved, beautiful thing. “Dean, we need to go. We should leave. I want copies though, copies of everything. Where’d she go? I want to frame it.”

“Course. Anything for you, baby.” He kissed him and walked to the door, calling the doctor back in and asking for copies. 

She was still looking confused, but went along with it for them.

They thanked her profusely and got back into the car, and Cas held the photocopied x-rays like they were a gift from God himself. “Dean, do you know what this means?”

“Means we can get your pajama pants, and that bitch can’t touch my mate.” Dean grinned and looked at the copies with Cas. “Look at how beautiful your name looks.” He rubbed his side.

Cas nodded, his hands shaking lightly around the pages. “No one can take me from you, Dean. No prison. No hiding. No running.”

“Nope! Hold on.” He pulled out his phone and called Jask.

“How’d it go?”

“Jask, Cas is my soulmate!” Dean was smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

A low chuckle crackled through the speakers. “Yeah, I know. You’re welcome. I was gonna tell you, I just got sidetracked trying to find the bitch.”

“No... he’s my actual soulmate! I have proof. J... you were there that day. You remember how I felt the day I got my x-ray.”

“D...” Jask’s voice faltered. “Shit, I shoulda warned you first. I changed the registry, I was trying to find a way to nail Meg’s bitch ass to the fucking wall and I couldn’t do shit with that bond mark in place, so I... did some really, super illegal shit and changed the registry. I’m sorry if you thought that was real.”

“Goddammit J. My key is gone. I just got another damn x-ray! Cas has my name and I have his. We’ve both felt the ache for months and I shit you not. It says Castiel fucking Novak on my damn rib!” _Why isn’t this asshat listening?_ “J, I never thought I was worthy. For 8 fucking years.”

Jask was silent for a moment, and then he barked a loud, triumphant laugh. “First of all, holy shit! That’s fucking huge, D! I don’t think that shit’s ever happened before, congratulations, man. But second, fuck you, because I about had a fucking heart attack trying to change that goddamn registry and this whole time, I could’ve just shoved you in front of an x-ray machine. Shit.”

“It just happened this morning. I felt my bond with Meg snap, and… I think it healed when Dean took her place.”

“Yeah I felt it after the best orgasm of my life.” Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas and winked. “Ready for round 4 honestly.”

“Good. Then I’ll let you two _soulmates_ go fuck it out... cause trust me, you’re not gonna be able to leave your room for days. Every time me and Ares tried for the first week it was a giant, horrible failure. And I’ve got things to do now... there’s not a damn thing stopping me from taking that bitch down now. She can’t prove she was _ever_ his soulmate, so every single thing she ever put him through just became illegal. I’m gonna have a field day with this one.”

“Fucking awesome! Can we go get his stuff? My baby needs his pajama pants and that bitch can’t keep ‘em.” He reached for Cas’ hand and kissed it. “They have bees on ‘em, J.”

Cas beamed at him, the smile completely changing his face. 

“Jesus, you two are gross. Yeah, text me the address and I’ll meet you over there, maybe we’ll kill two birds with one stone. I can nab the bitch and you can get his shit.”

“Good. She tries to touch him, I’m deckin’ her. Better if you’re there. I’ll text it now.” He hung up and handed his phone to Cas. “Can you input the address? You don’t have to go in until Jask has her in cuffs if you don’t wanna.”

Cas texted Jask the address and handed Dean back his phone. “I’m not afraid of her anymore, Dean. I don’t belong to her, and I have you and Jask. I’m not afraid.”

“Damn straight. Seatbelt, love.” Dean started the car and put her in drive. The only thing that could have messed with his mood was the fact that he was finally going to see this demon in person. He truly didn’t know if he could hold back. _Bitch hit_ **_my_ ** _soulmate! All these fucking years._ Dean could feel himself getting angrier by the second.

“Hey.” Cas reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing lightly. “You saved me, Dean. In more ways than one, okay? What she did to me... I’ll heal, and it’s thanks to you. This is almost over.”

Dean gripped his hand and continued to drive. “Fucking hate her, Cas. I’ve felt so protective of you from the first time we spoke. In that message… you said it was the most fun you’ve had and all I wanted was to show you a good time and make you smile. I don’t know why, I didn’t even know you, but I cared about your happiness. I’ll never let anyone in this world hurt you again.” They pulled onto the street and Dean pulled off to the side to wait for Jask.

When the cruiser pulled up next to them, Cas took a deep breath. “I know all of that, Dean. It was obvious every time we spoke that you cared for me more than she ever could. So… let’s go end this. I’m ready to be yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by the wonderful, incredible I_Am_The_Blue_Sunshine!


	17. Castiel

It was a strange feeling, no longer being scared of that house or its occupant. But Cas hadn’t been kidding, in the very short time since he’d found out she was no longer his soulmate, things had changed for him. Meg was no longer something he had to endure, which meant the days of bowing down and taking whatever she threw at him were over.

_ It _ was over.

_ She _ was over. 

He got out of the car and led Dean and Jaskier to the front door. Panic spiked in his gut despite his securities, simply because he had no idea what to expect from the interaction, and part of him still didn’t believe any of it was real. Like maybe somehow he’d dreamed it all, and he was walking incredibly willingly back into Meg’s trap. 

He’d been sure that was what was happening at the hospital, especially when Dr. Vantoch attempted to separate them. Cas had retreated into his own mind, positive that when the good doctor saw Meg’s name there, her connection with Jask wouldn’t be strong enough to stop her from returning him to his worst nightmare. 

But  _ Dean _ was his soulmate.  _ Dean. _ The way it probably should’ve always been, because Dean was everything he’d ever wanted. It was too good to be true, so when Dean sensed Cas’ hesitation and knocked for him, Cas tensed. 

“Cas, it’s alright. Neither one of us is gonna let the bitch touch you, alright? I’m taking her to jail, she’ll never touch anyone again.”

Jask’s words had their intended effect and he clenched his jaw, reaching down to grip Dean’s hand just as Meg opened the door.

“Who the hell are these guys, Castiel?” She glanced at their hands and crinkled her face. “I knew you were cheating! Why isn’t he under arrest?!”

Dean huffed a laugh. “Because he didn’t do anything wrong.  _ You _ did. Move out of the fucking way, so we can get my soulmate’s belongings.” 

“Soulmate? Bullshit!” Meg stood her ground, fury and hatred lining her face.

Cas squeezed tighter and clenched his jaw, unable to stop the slight spike of fear racing up his spine. “It’s not bullshit, Meg. Didn’t you feel it? When our bond broke?” 

“Also, if I may stick my nose in, here...” Jask’s head appeared between Cas and Dean’s and he wrapped his arms around them, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I’m here to make an arrest, alright. But it isn’t Mr. Novak, here. Or, wait... should that be Mr. Winchester now?” He tilted his head and squinted at Cas. “You changing your name? You’d be cute as a Mrs.”

“Focus, Morningstar.” Dean rolled his eyes with a grin.

Meg was still blocking their entry. “Yes, I felt it, but it was because you cheated! I fucking knew you were a faggot!”

Dean took a step forward. “Watch your mouth, bitch.” He shoved at the door and Meg’s face contorted into something demonic.

Something about that word actually calmed Cas instead of enraged him. He placed a gentle hand on Dean’s arm and stepped inside, towering over Meg. “You’re right, I am. And now I’ve got the bond to prove it. Get out of my way, Meg. I’m here to get my things, and besides... I don’t think you’ll need much where you’re going.”

Meg took a step forward and Dean blocked her from touching him. “Don’t you dare touch him! Make her move, J.” His voice sounded impatient.

Meg narrowed her eyes, looking coiled to attack. “Who the fuck do you think you are? This is my house!”

“I’m Dean  _ fucking _ Winchester, and your house is a damn jail cell for touching my soulmate.”

“This is fucking ridiculous. You’re a cop!” She pointed at Jask, “that is my soulmate! His name is on my rib!”

Cas shook his head. “It’s not, but nice try.” He handed her the copy of the registry entries and smiled smugly at her expression. “According to the registry,  _ and _ my x-ray, you are not and were never my soulmate. You’ll find that break you felt was my name erasing itself from your body... not that it should’ve ever been there in the first place.”

“This is fucking bullshit! No way this is real!” She threw the papers at Dean, who huffed a laugh and shook his head. 

“My name is on his ribs, not yours.”

Jask reached out and grabbed her hand, reading her her rights and telling her why she was under arrest.

Meg scoffed and tried to pull away from him. “I bet you’re not even a real cop. This is fucking insane! Tell them the truth, Castiel!”

“The truth is that you abused me for years when you had no right to, and no jury in the world will set you free.” Cas leaned down to pick up the pages that had scattered on the floor and turned to look at her as Jask slapped the handcuffs on her. “I fully intend on pressing charges, and you have zero proof that I ever belonged to you. Enjoy prison, Meg. I hope you meet others that are  _ just  _ like you.” 

Jask pushed her toward the door as she kicked and screamed, and Cas stood up a little straighter. It still felt like a dream, like there would be some loophole or catch that made all of this null and void. But staring at the pages clutched in his hands, and feeling the swell of love and pride and  _ want  _ in his chest when he looked at Dean… he knew nothing in the world could cancel that out. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get your things.” They glanced back as Jask started dragging her to the car. He looked like he enjoyed this part of the job. 

“Fuck all of you! I’ll see you in court, Castiel!” Meg screamed as he shoved her in the backseat.

Cas watched until Jask’s squad car disappeared around the corner. The moment he knew he was safe, he exhaled hard and tried to control the shaking in his arms. “Right. My room is upstairs, but feel free to take anything down here that you’d like. She owes me.” He turned and took the steps slowly, making a mental list of things he truly cared about in his head. The problem was, at the moment... he couldn’t get past  _ Dean. _

Dean followed him instead. “I know she’s gone, but I kinda wanna stay by you. That okay?”

“Of course.” Cas opened his bedroom door and stepped inside, reaching behind him for Dean. “I’m starting to understand what Jask meant. It’s... hard not to touch you.”

Dean grinned. “It is, huh? We should fuck in her bed and come all over her pillow.” He wrapped his arms around Cas and rubbed their noses together. “Didn’t you fantasize about me fucking you here?”

“Yes, I did. It was the only way I got through any of it.” Cas laid his head on Dean’s chest and stared at the bed. “And as tempting as it sounds... it’s probably best if we don’t leave DNA evidence in her bed. I wouldn’t doubt she’d use it to try and say I cheated on  _ you, _ despite the fact that you’re here.”

“Alright. Let’s just get your stuff, then.” Dean walked over towards the bathroom. “Do gotta piss though.”

Cas watched him go and then started packing his things. He wasn’t sentimental about it, if it was necessary, he brought it. If not... whoever cleaned out the house when she got put away for the rest of her life could just have it. He pulled out the box with his dildo, the lube, and cleaner, and the shards of the mug from his life before Meg. All of it seemed like a different universe, or like it had happened to someone else. 

And maybe it did. 

~~~~

Getting everything to Dean’s house was easier than he thought. He truly didn’t bring much; the hardest thing to transport was the giant TV Dean insisted on taking.

He smiled at the drawer Dean cleared out for him and put his pajama pants and other clothes inside of it. “Now, it’s just a matter of my job. I don’t think they’ll be thrilled I haven’t shown up or called in two days.”

“Fuck ‘em. You gotta rest, Cas. Plus it’s probably better you don’t go back to anywhere she knew of, just to be safe. We’ll find you a new job soon, or you can just work with me.” Dean shrugged like it was no big deal and continued moving stuff around for the giant TV to be in their bedroom.

Cas slowly looked around the room and lowered his eyes. He’d love to work with Dean, he couldn’t imagine a better scenario... but at the same time, he felt like he was a child that needed to be cared for. Cas knew he was the only one making him feel that way, Dean had been nothing but sweet and helpful... but it still didn’t sit right with him that he was taking so much from Dean without being able to offer anything in return but someone else’s big-screen. “You’re probably right. I’m going to miss some of my coworkers, though... especially Cole. He was kind to me.”

Dean froze and glanced over. “Cole?”

“Yes, I believe his last name is Trenton. He works... well, worked, with me at Amazon. He’s the one who trained me.” Cas slid on his bee pjs and smiled down at them, humming softly. “There were a couple of others I’ll miss there as well.”

Dean chuckled. “Course. I should have put it together months ago.” He ran a hand down his face. “You had marks all over for months.”

Cas squinted, a little confused that Dean found that amusing. “I don’t understand.”

“Cole told me about a new guy with a bruised face. But said that new guy wouldn’t give any personal info so we couldn’t help. I almost told Jask to look into it but Cole never even told me your name. I’m sorry, Cas. I wish I could have helped a long time ago.” Dean paused and licked his lips. “Oh, Cole was my ex.”

And it clicked. The pie loving, rough-handed, coworker’s boyfriend that Cas had nearly been obsessed with was  _ Dean. _ He dropped the shirt he’d been folding and stared open mouthed at him. “I - I saw you. It’s been you this whole time... I...” He blushed deeply red at the fantasies he’d had regarding Dean’s back, that voice, those hands, the stories... Cas swallowed and darted his eyes away. “I thought it was just the supermarket, but you’ve been... I’ve been...”

Dean walked over and cupped his cheek. “You noticed me at the supermarket? I... knew it was you too.”

_ What? _ “What? No, I... I had no idea it was you until you opened your front door. But, Dean...”  _ Fuck, this is embarrassing. _ “Every man I’ve had a fantasy about in the last eight months has been you. Cole’s boyfriend... you. The forearm sticking out of the Chevy belonging to the man that liked dick-shaped branches... you. The unbelievably beautiful man in the supermarket trying to buy up their entire stock of pie...  _ you.” _ His skin heated up but something Dean said brought him back to reality. “You knew it was me?”

Dean blushed. “You had a crush on Cole’s boyfriend and you never saw his face? What did he say about me?” His eyes shifted slightly.

“I saw your ass, if that counts.” Cas wanted out of that entire conversation, he knew the more he spoke, the more pathetic he would sound. “I should do laundry. Do you need me to do laundry? Where’s your washer?”

“Come here.” Dean pulled him in and kissed his cheek. “You’re adorable and this ass is all yours. But... I have a confession. I need you to remember how much you had a crush on me and how cute I am while I confess though, can you do that?”

Something a little like dread pooled in Cas’ gut. This seemed like exactly the kind of time the universe would fuck him over, so he closed his eyes, fisted his hands in the back of Dean’s shirt, and nodded once. “Yes.”

“I knew it was you in the grocery store, and as much as I want to lie and say I just knew in my heart... which I did. But I... you remember the day I gave you little Dean?” He was blushing and looking nervous.

Cas thought back to that day, and didn’t even need Dean to finish that sentence. “I could feel you watching me. I tried to look into the house to see you, but it was too dark.” He opened his eyes and sucked in a breath. “So, you knew then, that the man I was talking about in the grocery store, the one I called beautiful... was you.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah... it was a weird feeling. I was still jealous of the guy because I couldn’t say it was me and he could. I’m not making sense. He could see you and talk to you and I had to just pretend it wasn’t me. I don’t know, Cas. I’m sorry I lied. I was just... so in love already.”

The admission made him feel a little better, and a lot less pathetic. At the end of the day, they were in love...  _ soulmates, _ and nothing else mattered. “I’m not upset, Dean. I wish I’d have known, or that you could have been honest with me... but I believe that things happened the way they needed to.”

“I felt so guilty after I peeked. Like I betrayed your trust and I was never gonna tell you, cause you didn’t want me to see you. But god, you were so beautiful. It was awesome picturing the actual you when we phone fucked.” He grinned shamelessly.

Cas rolled his eyes but smiled. “Lucky you. And honestly, I didn’t mind if you saw me. I just didn’t want to see you, because I was afraid you’d be exactly as beautiful as you actually are. I’m sorry, I never should have made you do the same thing.” He shifted his weight and screwed up his face, looking at Dean’s chest. “I honestly didn’t think you’d find me attractive. Meg was careless with the marks she left more than once, and I know I don’t look the healthiest.”

“You’re perfect. Just two days here and your skin is glowin’ babe. You belong here.” Dean kissed him. “I love how you look. You’re gorgeous, Cas.”

He relaxed, the kiss reminding him that there are far better things ahead than any either of them were leaving behind. Cas opened for him, sliding his hands under Dean’s shirts to feel the skin there.

Dean smiled against his mouth and pulled away. “So, I’m not in trouble?”

The loss was instant, and Cas couldn’t imagine ever being angry at Dean for anything... except that. “No.” He leaned in, kissing him again, a little more insistently this time.

Dean huffed a laugh and turned Cas towards the bed, slowly backing him to it. He moved his hips so Cas could feel he was already hard.

Cas’ knees hit the bed, and he allowed himself to be thrown onto it, his own cock throbbing in response. Their clothes were gone quickly and Cas pulled Dean back to him, touching every inch. “Can I ride you this time?”

Dean bit his lip and nodded with his eyes closed. “Hell yeah, sweetheart.” He laid down and grabbed the lube, devouring Cas with his eyes.

“Thank you.” Cas felt weird for saying it, but it was more a preemptive gratitude for Dean bearing with him. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but he climbed up to straddle Dean and grabbed the lube, looking down at him. Cas bit his lip and slicked two of Dean’s fingers, then lifted his hips enough that Dean could slide one in. Cas let out a breath and wiggled down on it, keeping his eyes on Dean. “You really are the most attractive human I’ve ever seen.”

“I feel the same about you. Those eyes, Cas. I swear I’ve dreamt of them my whole life. I had no idea they’d be attached to someone as beautiful as you.” He slid his finger in and out and impatiently added a second.

Cas lowered down and lifted back up, stroking himself slowly. “Glad you like what you see, you’re stuck with me.”

“Not stuck if it’s where I wanna be.” Dean ran his hand up Cas’ thigh and added a third finger, which caused the most delicious burn. 

He rode Dean’s fingers until he thought he could take all of him, and pressed his palms to Dean’s chest as he pulled off. “Give it to me,” he gasped. 

Dean gripped his cock and lubed it with his slick hand. He held it steady and helped guide Cas‘ body.

Cas shivered as he sank all the way down, his fingers curling against Dean’s skin. “Fuck! Fuck...” He rocked slowly, guiding his hips toward Dean and back again. “So big...”

Dean watched with his mouth slack, and after a moment he gripped Cas’ hips and angled him to hit his prostate. “Ah, fuck. So good!”

Cas came instantly, not doing much of anything but trying to stay upright as Dean fucked and tugged every drop from him. When Dean slowed his pace, Cas growled quietly with his eyes half closed. “Don’t stop.” He moved, his spent, thick cock lying heavy as he dug his nails into his own thighs to urge himself faster.

Dean continued to fuck into Cas’ pliant body, chasing his own release at the sight. “Not gonna stop till I’m fillin’ you up, sweetheart.”

“G-good,” he managed, his entire body flushed and heated and buzzing with every hard thrust that drove Dean deeper. Now that he had come, there was nothing distracting him from the feeling of Dean splitting him open. He mindlessly swiped his fingers through the mess he made and greedily sucked them in, his eyes closed and tongue sliding freely between his covered fingers.

“God that’s so fuckin’ hot baby. Gimme a taste.” Dean parted his lips and sucked Cas’ fingers as he continued to fuck his perfect, tight hole.

Cas was near boneless, the effort to stay upright taking most of his strength and concentration. But it felt so,  _ so _ good to finally have a cock inside of him that he was determined to be what Dean needed in return. “So good, you feel so good inside of me.”

Dean’s hips were getting more erratic by the second. He released a sinful moan as he came, gripping Cas’ sides much harder than Cas was ever used to, but he loved it. He loved the possession, the potential for bruises coming from love and lust instead of whatever Meg was. He wanted every bruise, every mark on his damn body to somehow be reclaimed by Dean. 

He barely registered his own ass clenching to stop Dean’s come from leaking out. Cas also barely noticed when he slumped forward against Dean’s chest, panting and fucking  _ whole.  _ “Thank you,” he repeated… seconds before falling straight asleep. 


	18. Dean

Dean was able to maneuver himself from under Cas  _ and _ clean him up while he slept. He would have been worried if he didn’t feel just as drained. That had to have been the best sex of both of their lives. The first time was amazing and absolutely beautiful, but they both felt pain in their ribs throughout. But not this time, this time it was pure passion and pleasure. Dean didn’t think he’d ever get enough. He helped Cas get his pajamas back on and then climbed in bed with him, happily falling asleep.

He woke up stiff from the position he was in, cradling Cas close to him. He could see the sunlight peeking through the blinds and sniffed Cas’ hair. Just yesterday he believed he’d never have a soulmate and now, he did. Cas was made for him, and it made his dumb heart swell like he was the Grinch. He managed to get out of bed without waking Cas, wanting him to sleep as long as he needed, so he stayed quiet as he washed up and made his way to the kitchen.

Once coffee was brewing, he pulled out his phone to call his mom. Sometimes, a grown man needed his mama.

“Hey, sweetie. Haven’t heard from you in a couple of weeks! You forget about your mother?”

“Course not. But... I have a story to tell you.” Dean told her everything, from the first delivery to the phone sex - although that was a slip - and explained to her their doctors appointment yesterday. “Mom... I have a soulmate. A real one.”

He could sense her smiling through the damn phone. “That’s incredible, and also… really surprising! What… did they tell you how?”

“No. Jask changed the system so the doctor thought we were crazy when we got all chick flick-y on her. I want you guys to meet him… like soon. I love him so much, Mom.” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

His mom stuttered then let out a surprised but clearly joyous laugh. “Dean, I’m incredibly happy for you. And of course we want to meet him, bring him over right now!”

“He’s sleepin’. Been a long... 7 years, mom. But maybe dinner tonight?” He drummed his fingers on the counter. “He’s gorgeous. I’d send a picture, but It’s a surprise.”

“Maybe we should let him settle in for a couple of days, you know how your father gets. He means well, but...”

“No yeah... you’re right. Maybe this weekend. Alright Mom, I’m going to cook and do some laundry.” Dean stood up and started pulling things out for breakfast sandwiches. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Dean. Call your brother, he’ll never forgive you if he hears this from me.”

“I’ll call him. He knows a little bit already, but I’ll call right now.” He hung up the phone and instantly dialed Sam, otherwise he’d forget.

He answered before it even got done with the first ring. “What the hell happened?! You’ve been radio silent for two days, Dean.”

“Cas happened.” Dean chuckled. “He showed up, we fucked, our ribs freaked out and now we’re soulmates. They should make a movie after us, huh?” He bit back another laugh as Sam processed that information.

“Hold on. You’re... sou-soulmates. You. The Skeleton Key. Have a  _ soulmate.” _ Much like his mom, there was a smile in Sam’s voice that he couldn’t hide.

“Yup. Shit was just wrong for the both of us. Now they’re right. My rib says Castiel Novak. Sam... I’m...” He really was speechless when he thought about it. He never in a million years thought he’d have true love.

“So wait...” Sam launched into a million questions, mostly about whether or not the development changed how the laws affected them. “Okay, when do I get to meet him?”

“This weekend? I talked to mom and we’re gonna go for dinner. You should come. Or just come over tonight. Up to you. We’ll be here. He’s still getting comfy and he’s insatiable right now. We won’t be leavin’ the house much.” Dean laughed at the face he just knew Sam was making.

Sam gagged. “Call me when you two finish your honeymoon, then. I don’t really want to watch you hump the poor guy all night.”

“Hey, he was the one humping me last night. You shoulda seen it, Sam he-”

Sam hung up and Dean died laughing by himself.

~~~~

Dean made Cas some food and put it on warm in the microwave. He cleaned up, started some fresh coffee, and then began their laundry. Seeing Cas’ clothes mixed with his gave him a sense of belonging, and he smiled the entire time like a dork.  _ Wonder if Cas would wear some panties for me... _

By the time he got it all sorted and a load going, he already missed Cas and decided to climb back in bed with him. Cas didn’t stir until Dean was playing with his hair, and even then, Dean shushed him and held him close. He knew Cas needed food, but he also needed as much rest as he could get.

He ended up dozing off for a while, but it wasn’t long. He slipped out again and went to get the food for Cas, he had to get some damn sustenance in him. After setting up a tray with some food and water, he went to wake the sleeping beauty. “Cas, sweetheart. You need to eat.”

Cas slowly opened one eye and then the other. “What?” He sounded disoriented and sleep-wrecked, but at the first whiff of food, he was sitting up.

Dean kissed his sleepy face. “Adorable. But I need you to eat and drink some water. You can go back to sleep after.” He put the tray in front of him and watched him wake up more with each passing second.

He eyed the food and licked his lips, taking a couple of tentative bites before devouring the entire plate. Cas gulped down the water and set the empty glass down. “How long have I been sleeping?”

“Not that long... like 15 hours or somethin’ like that.” Dean grinned at Cas’ shocked expression. “I’m glad you ate. If you’re still tired, lay down. I’m taking care of everything.” He reached out and stroked his cheek.

It looked like Cas was weighing his options for a moment, and then he pulled Dean back down with him. “Stay. Whatever else you’re doing can wait.”

“Course.” He grinned and pulled Cas onto his chest. “Never pass up these cuddles.” Dean started running his fingers through Cas’ hair, smelling it every chance he got.  _ I swear this is all a dream. Or maybe I’m dead. Maybe this is my very own heaven. _

Cas hummed, wrapping his arm over Dean and settling in. “I’m glad you’re easily swayed.”

“Mmhmm. I’d do anything for you, sweetheart.  _ Anything.” _ Dean smiled to himself. “So, I told my mom about you... and my brother.”

“Did you tell your mom she’s technically already met me?” Cas turned his head to lightly kiss Dean’s chest and slid a hand up under his shirt.

“Nah. She’ll see when we go over this weekend.” Dean shivered at the touch and grinned.

The kisses stopped as Cas froze, swallowing audibly and glancing up at Dean. “I should preface this by saying I can’t  _ wait  _ to meet your family. But… I’m not very good in new situations, at least not ones where I’m more than arm candy. M-  _ she  _ more or less dictated everything I did and said during social interactions. It’s been years since I’ve had a normal one.” 

“I can cancel, Cas. I don’t want you uncomfortable. But... you’re free now. I’d never dictate anything you say or do. I love you for you.” Dean leaned in and kissed his nose, thinking about how that bitch left internal scars worse than the external ones.

Cas went cross-eyed as he tried to look at the tip of his nose. “We don’t need to cancel, Dean. Like I said, I want to meet them, I want to be a part of your life. I just don’t know if I’ll make a good first impression, that’s all.” Cas smiled lightly and sat up, stretching out his arms until his back popped. “I promise I’ll do my best.”

“They’ll love you, Cas. You’re just... lovable. I know you don’t see it yet, but you will. One day. Until then, ima keep showin’ you how great you are.” Dean sat up to rub his shoulders, and Cas let out a breath at the touch. 

“I think I’ve gone from one extreme to another when it comes to what I deserve. You’re incredible, Dean, and I’ll never stop telling you that.” Cas leaned back against him, turning his face to the side to rub his cheek over Dean’s stomach. “I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for any of this.” 

“You do, every day. You love me, you’re here with me. This is worth everything.”

He let out a sigh and leaned up to kiss Dean, lingering for a moment before pulling back. “Things changed so fast. I wish I’d have had the courage to leave her the moment I realized I was in love with you.”

“Yeah, me too. But we’re here now. Right?” Dean stared into his bright blue eyes, wondering why the universe tried to keep them apart.

“Right.”

~~~~

Dean finally had to go into work a few days later. He missed Cas, but was also happy to get his hands dirty - as usual. He grabbed them some takeout and pulled up to their home, beyond happy that he was coming home _to_ _Cas,_ and not an empty house. 

When he walked inside, Cas had his breath hitching in his throat. He was laid out in his new briefs on the couch with his perfect ass on display. Like he was under a spell, Dean set the food down, walking over in a trance. He was dirty and really didn’t want to disturb Cas, but he was already chubbing in his jeans and had to grab it... just once.

He hovered over and slid his hand up to cup Cas’ cheek, with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

Cas flinched on the couch like he’d just woken up and squirmed, turning his head and relaxing the instant he saw Dean. A smile spread across his face and he wiggled his ass, closing his eyes again. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He felt like he got caught creepin’. “I was just... admiring the view. Go back to sleep, babe.”

One brilliantly blue eye opened slowly and roved over Dean. Cas’ gaze went from the dirt on Dean’s cheeks, to his clothes, to his hands. A half second later, Cas was scrambling off the couch and throwing his arms around Dean’s neck and nearly knocking him over with the force of the kiss.

Dean grunted when Cas landed into his arms and he smiled against his mouth. “Missed you too. I’m dirty though, sweetheart. Lemme go shower.”

“No,” Cas growled, kissing over his face and licking a line down his throat. “I want you just like this.” He dropped to his knees, biting his lip as he undid Dean’s belt and button, then tugged his dirty jeans down.

“Jesus Christ on a cracker, babe. You’re so fucking amazing!” Dean’s never had someone want him the way Cas does. His cock was already fully hard when Cas freed it.

Cas stretched those plump lips around him and swallowed him whole, never breaking eye contact as he moaned and sucked like Dean was the best thing he’d ever tasted.

Dean gripped his hair but let him keep control, his legs shaking from pleasure. “Cas... I... love you.”

The vibrations in his cock suggested Cas tried to say it back. He leaned into Dean’s touch, sliding his hot, wet tongue all over Dean’s shaft and then dipping down to lick his balls.

Cas is beautiful all the time, but him on his knees the second Dean came home from work caused a tightening in his chest. He’d never seen anything more beautiful than Cas. “Fucking gorgeous, baby. That mouth is just... ah fuck...”

“I want you to come on me, Dean.” Cas scooted closer and started stroking Dean’s spit-slick cock, running a hand over his own chest. “Anywhere, my face, my chest, my ass... I need...” His gaze dropped to Dean’s dick and he sucked him in again, all the way into his throat, until he was rubbing his nose right against Dean’s pelvis. He pulled off with a slight gag and jerked him faster. “Need to feel it cover me.”

_ That was the hottest shit anyone has ever said to me.  _ Except Dean couldn’t form words. His hips began stuttering as he pictured Cas covered in his come. He pulled back quickly as he started coming, painting Cas’ mouth and neck.

The look on Cas’ face was something he’d never forget. The guy looked completely, totally fucked out, and he hadn’t even been the one that came. Cas moaned low, darting his tongue out to lick some of it up and spreading more around with his hand.

Dean reached down and stood him up, slamming their mouths together in a sloppy kiss. He could taste himself but he wanted to taste Cas. He shoved those adorable briefs down and dropped to his knees, sucking Cas in with a moan.

“Shit,” Cas’ voice was wrecked and needy as he rocked into Dean’s mouth, doing god-knows-what with the come still covering him. He whined, his cock throbbing in Dean’s mouth.

Dean knew Cas was already better than him at blowjobs, but he still knew how to make Cas’ toes curl. He bobbed and swiped at the head, smiling when he felt Cas twitch under him.

Cas made a choked-off gurgling sound and came as his fingers dug into Dean’s shoulders, and Dean hummed and sucked every drop down until Cas pushed him off. He could see there was still come on Cas’ cheek but he had otherwise licked up every drop. With the pad of his thumb, Dean wiped it and brought it to Cas’ lips.

Another whiny moan left Cas’ lips as his tongue swept over Dean’s thumb. He closed his eyes, his head dropping to Dean’s shoulder as his body shook slightly. “Thank you... for not judging me.”

“Sweetheart you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Please, never change.” He leaned in to kiss him, softly. “I missed you all day.”

“Maybe I  _ should _ come work with you, then, because I missed you too.”

Dean chuckled. “Sam needs help in the office... if you were interested. We could ride together and I’d come by like every couple hours to kiss you.”  _ Please say yes... _

The smile that lit Cas’ face went on for days. “Yes, absolutely yes! I can do office work, I’m a quick learner and I won’t screw around... except for maybe with you.”

Dean grinned, loving the sound of that. “I sure hope so. I’ve always wanted to fuck in that office.” His mind drifted to the visual, causing his spent cock to twitch pathetically.

“Then I’m happy to help.” Cas wrinkled his nose, kissing Dean again. “When do I start?”

“Shit, tomorrow. It might snow but we can always go to the office. You’ll meet Sam.” Dean smiled extra wide. “Two stones, one bird.”

Cas opened his mouth and shut it again. “I think you mean two birds, one... nevermind.” He kissed Dean and then pulled his briefs back up. “I’m excited, actually. It will be nice to start over in every way.”

“Awesome.” Dean started stripping his clothes to throw them in the washer. “Wanna shower with me?” 

~~~~

As they drove to the office, Dean held onto Cas’ hand. “You might meet a few people, Sam for sure. And like a 25% chance you’ll meet my dad.” He put the music up, letting Cas process that. 

He seemed jittery for most of the ride, but not the way he had on the way to Meg’s. This was more of a nervous excitement, and it was kinda cute. He didn’t say much at all until Dean parked the car. “Do you think they’ll like me?”

“Course. What’s not to like? You’re awesome and eye candy.” Dean leaned in and kissed him. “It’ll all be fine, sweetheart.”

Cas let out a breath and nodded, and the two of them made their way into the office.

Sam walked over with a huge grin. “Hey Cas. Heard a lot about you. Sup, jerk.”

“Nothin’ bitch. Show my baby around.” Dean kissed his cheek and stepped aside, and the two hit it off immediately. Sam launched into a bunch of questions about the kind of books and movies and shit Cas was into, and the two little nerds had more in common than Dean thought. Pretty soon, his access to their conversation was cut off when Sam took Cas outside to show him the rest. 

When they came back a few minutes later, Cas was laughing and watching Sam do a really shitty impression, one  _ so  _ bad that Dean had no idea who it was supposed to be of. Cas stopped next to Dean and wrapped an arm around his waist, looking up at him. 

“You were right, Dean. I like Sam, a lot.”

“Yeah, he’s alright.” Dean ran his hands up Cas’ back. “Think you can hang out with that nerd everyday?”

His brother and soulmate exchanged a knowing look, and then Cas cleared his throat. “Well, at least until he has me trained. Then, I’m afraid, I’ll be unceremoniously kicking him out of the office altogether.”

“Good. We got plans for that office, and we can’t exactly have beanpole over here hangin’ around.” He grinned at Sam’s face.

“He means I think I’m gonna take this as a - a divine sign to go to law school, Dean.” Sam rubbed his jaw for a moment and glanced at Cas again, then continued. “I’ve been thinking about it more and more, especially once you told me about Cas and what he suffered because of the way the laws are. I want to do something about it, but I can’t if I’m chained behind this desk. Once Cas thinks he can handle it without me, I’m... I’m gonna go for it.” He froze, like he was expecting Dean to have some kinda negative reaction.

“That’s awesome, Sammy. I hoped you would, honestly.” He went and hugged him, fucking up his hair. “Gonna cut your hair first, though?”

Sam smacked his arm and ducked away from him. “Ew, no. They’ll take me or leave me, my hair is awesome.”

Dean shook his head with a look of disgust. “Fine. But don’t come cryin’ to me when I say I told you so.” He hoped Sam knew he was joking, because he honestly thought Sam would look weird with short hair at this point.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sam rolled his eyes and then asked Cas when he wanted to start. 

“As soon as possible. Tomorrow, maybe?” 

Sam gallic shrugged. “Works for me. Did you clear it with Dad yet, Dean?”

“I’ll call him tonight, but I already texted him about it all yesterday.” Dean interlocked their fingers and kissed Cas’ hand. “Wanna take you to a nice restaurant and then blow you in their bathroom.” 

Sam scoffed and covered his face with a hand. “God, is he always that romantic?”

Cas grinned widely at Sam. “Yes, he is. It’s my favorite thing about him at the moment.” He wrapped his arms around Dean and nuzzled into his neck, biting gently. “But only if I can return the favor.”

“You know I’m all here for that.” Dean kissed him and Sam turned away. 

“Nice meeting you, Cas. See you tomorrow.” He walked back into his office, and Dean kissed Cas again. 

“We gonna make it to the restaurant or you ready to break in Baby out there?” Dean leaned down and nibbled on Cas’ neck.

“Baby!” Cas moaned, leaning back against the desk. “Or, we’re alone now...”

Dean could hear Sam in the other office and considered saying fuck it, but instead pulled Cas out to the car. Something told him to grab that sample size packet of lube that morning, and he was very glad he did. Maybe he stayed buried inside of Cas much longer than he should have in a public setting, but he was too happy to care.


	19. Castiel

The change in Cas was drastic and almost immediate. By the weekend, he felt healthier, his mind was clearer, and Dean hadn’t been kidding… he was glowing. The marks Meg had left on his skin were yellowing, and it would be mere days before the last trace of her was gone completely. That thought swelled in his chest and he was nearly overwhelmed with relief and love, but he fought those tears back quickly because Dean had already dealt with them enough. Jaskier had given him the number to a trauma counselor, and while he hadn’t actually gone yet, just knowing the appointment was booked settled something tense and knotted inside of him. He’d get the help he needed to process what he’d lived through, and one day, sudden movements and playful smacks wouldn’t make him flinch anymore. 

_ One day.  _

“You ready, sweetheart?”

Cas turned to see Dean standing in the doorway to their bedroom with a green flannel and light jeans, and he smiled when he recognized it as the one he’d once been given as a gift. He shuffled over, still in his socks and pajama pants, and kissed Dean. “I think it looks much better on you, but I’m supposed to meet your parents in less than an hour. Are you sure it’s a good idea to wear that particular flannel? All I’ll be able to think about is riding Little Dean and coming all over it… this time riding  _ you  _ while  _ you  _ wear it.” 

Dean laughed like that was exactly why he chose it. “Hey, if you can’t make it, I still got a bedroom over there. I’ll bring the lube.” He winked and clicked his tongue.

“I’m not even going to complain, because it’s a very real possibility that we’ll need it.” Cas flushed and turned to get dressed, making a point to slowly slide his pants off his ass and bend over.

He heard Dean mumble something about that ass before he felt his hands sliding up his thighs and spreading his cheeks. “Mmmm, fuck that dinner.”

It was impossible not to grin and wiggle a little bit, knowing Dean wanted him just as much as he wanted Dean. “We could be late, you know. I’m sure they’d forgive us.”

Dean bent Cas over the bed and rutted against his ass, showing him just how much he wanted him. He moaned and started kissing and dragging his tongue down Cas’ back.

Cas shivered, praying to God that Dean wasn't just teasing him. "Want you inside of me, Dean. we can make it quick, right?"

Dean huffed a laugh. “Let’s see how fast I can make you come.” He grabbed the lube and started unbuckling his jeans, pulling them down to just above his knees, and slid a finger inside. It was welcoming, because they just fucked that morning, but still tight.

"Probably embarrassingly fast, but I've gotten used to it," Cas breathed, pushing back until Dean was adding a second finger.

After working him open, Dean slid inside, running his hands up to grip around Cas’ ribs. His fingers ghosted along his rib and he started sliding in and out. It was much slower than Cas anticipated it would be, but something about it had each one of his nerve endings on edge. He could feel every inch of Dean as he slid in and out. His warm breath against his ear as he whispered, “I love you” had Cas forgetting all about meeting Dean's family, and had him forgetting about everything other than Dean. He clenched the sheets below him and arched his back, craning his neck in an attempt to kiss Dean.

Dean leaned in to kiss him, his right hand sliding down to stroke Cas’ length as he continued to fuck him slow and deep.

It was perfect, everything he’d ever wanted, but that was just Dean. Cas stayed steady, letting Dean choose the pace which stayed agonizingly, gloriously unhurried until Dean was spilling into Cas, and Cas was ruining the sheets.

Dean laid his head between Cas’ shoulder blades and sighed. “That was amazing.”

“And we’re late,” Cas chuckled. “I was worried about the first impression I would make, but I didn’t realize it would be because I was showing up walking funny.” He hummed, wiggling a little until Dean’s softening cock slipped out of him.

Dean walked over to grab a hand towel and clean them off. “They’ll understand and probably be thankful we got it out of the way here and not there.”

"You're probably right." When Cas stood straight, he could still feel Dean in every inch of his body. He smiled, closing his eyes for a brief moment and then got dressed and cleaned up as best he could. "They can't honestly blame me, denying you would be a crime of its own."

“It absolutely would.” Dean fixed his jeans and bit his lip. “You really are incredible, Cas.”

“Only because you saved me, Dean.” He reached out to lace their fingers, not wanting to stop touching him for even a moment. “Come on. Let’s go.”

~~~~

The initial introduction was honestly less awkward than Cas had anticipated. Unsurprisingly, John didn’t recognize him - but Mary sure did, and having already met Sam was a blessing. 

Cas and Dean had each baked a pie, just a friendly little competition to see which one of them was better at it. They hadn’t told anyone whose was whose, but every single one of them picked Dean’s... except for Dean himself. Cas beamed and then blushed, wondering what Dean would choose as his prize. 

Whatever it was, Cas was beyond willing to give it. 

After dinner, they settled into the living room so the male Winchesters could watch the AFC Championship while Mary and Cas got more acquainted. She asked about his own parents and hugged him tight when he told her the truth about them, and he knew in that moment that he didn’t need his own family -  _ Dean’s _ family was his family. He’d never felt more welcomed anywhere, except for one, short moment when their plan for the office rubbed John the wrong way. 

“Really, Sammy? Law school? I thought we talked about this. You boys were gonna take over the family business in a few years so I could retire.”

Dean spoke up for Sam. “And what am I? Chopped liver? Cas and I got this.”

Mary cleared her throat, almost daring John to speak. Cas just felt weird, like he was upsetting an already precarious balance. 

“I’m sure you’ll find Dean’s right, we can handle it. Sam will make a great lawyer, I think he should do this.”

John looked like he had plenty to say but he kept his mouth shut. Dean sounded annoyed when he spoke again. “You can retire now, old man. All you do is show up, boss me around, and eat my desserts anyway.”

“You’re right, Dean. You’re right.” John sat back in his seat and stared at the TV screen, rubbing his beard. “Guess this just ain’t quite what I had in mind when I pictured giving the business to my sons.” 

It was hard not to understand what John was referring to, but John didn’t say anything else to that effect, and no one in the room pushed him on it. Cas’ heart broke a little thinking about Dean growing up with a father like that, but knew at the end of the day things could have been far worse. He leaned in a little closer to Dean and held his hand.

Dean looked down at their hands and smiled. His eyes locked with Cas’ and he leaned in for a kiss, like he was saying ‘thank you’ with just his lips.

The rest of the night was sluggish, but overall wasn’t bad. John loosened up with a couple of beers and even offered to show Cas how to build houses, saying ‘if you can’t do both halves well, you’ll suck at the one you do,’ which… Cas imagined probably made sense in John’s brain. 

They stayed until well after dark and took their time saying goodbye - Cas was surprisingly already comfortable enough there that he wasn’t in any kind of a hurry to leave, despite what was waiting for him at home. When they finally made it outside in the chilly winter air and started the drive home, Cas was nearly bursting with curiosity. “Okay. You won, your pie was better. What do you want?”

“Road head.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows and grinned widely.

Cas matched his expression, pulling his lip between his teeth. He’d been hoping that would be what Dean chose, and as usual, he wasn’t disappointed. “Don’t wreck the car.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted to undo Dean’s jeans and pull his soft cock out, beginning to roll it between his fingers and stroke slowly as he licked a line up Dean’s neck.

“Ah, fuck.” He bared his neck to Cas. “You’re amazing, sweetheart.”

At those words, Cas felt a very different sensation in his ribs. One of warmth and comfort instead of pain. He smiled and sucked gently on Dean’s skin as he felt that perfect cock harden in his hand. 

He glanced once out the windshield to make sure they had an open stretch of road and then ducked down, teasing Dean’s tip with his tongue.

Dean hissed and looked down, but hastily looked back at the road, and Cas opened his mouth further to take more of him. He tasted so good, Cas couldn’t bring himself to tease him. He bobbed his head and dragged his tongue along the shaft.

Cas imagined what it would feel like to kneel sideways on that seat, having Dean fingering him as his cock bounced freely in front of the window. His hips shifted slightly as he hardened at the thought, and he moaned around Dean’s length now fully seated in his throat. 

A hand slid down Cas’ back, like Dean was trying to reach his ass and couldn’t. He whimpered and thrusted up slightly. “Feels so good, Cas.”

He moved his head back and forth, gagging slightly but fighting it off because nothing in the world was going to stop him from tasting Dean again. Cas pulled back, switching to bobbing and stroking simultaneously. 

Dean’s grip tightened on the steering wheel and Cas’ shirt. His hips thrusted and Cas could feel he was getting close. “Gonna swallow it for me, sweetheart?”

Pulling off to answer wasn’t an option, so he nodded and flicked his tongue over Dean’s slit in answer, then took him as deep as he could, his ear pressing against the bottom of the steering wheel.

Dean grunted and came, his leg shaking as he filled Cas’ mouth and throat with come. “Cas... ah fuck...”

His own twitched almost painfully in his jeans, the taste was  _ so _ good he didn’t think he’d ever get enough. Cas pulled off slowly, licking Dean clean before sitting back up. “I’m proud of you, you barely swerved.” 

Dean looked down at his spent cock and chuckled. “Yeah, I’m pretty great. Now I wanna suck you off, Cas. Wanna drive?”

“No, because I absolutely will wreck. We’re almost home, you can have me then.”

Dean sped up and attempted to put his cock away as he drove. “Gonna suck you in the driveway, handsome, and swallow every drop. Pull it out and let me see it.”

He was hot and hard from the taste of Dean, so when Cas sat back and undid his pants, his cock was thick in his hand. “That’s just from sucking you off.”

Dean whimpered with a pained look and reached out. “God you’re so beautiful.” He grabbed the wheel again. “Touch yourself for me, sweetheart. But don’t come. Wanna watch.”

A shiver ran down Cas’ spine and he let out an involuntary moan at the command, but instantly complied. He splayed his fingers around the base and stroked with his right hand, giving Dean a full view as he spread a bead of precome down his shaft. “I’m already wet, Dean...”

“Lemme taste it.” Dean stuck his tongue out and licked Cas’ finger. He sucked it in once and pulled off. “Keep goin’.”

He paused an extra second, knowing if he didn’t, he’d never be able to stop himself from coming. Cas started again, moaning Dean’s name like a prayer as he bucked up into his own fist.

“You’re doing good... keep edging for me.” Dean bit his lip and kept glancing from Cas to the road.

Cas tipped his head back and stroked himself faster, imagining every single thing Dean had done to him since that first time. When he was right there, sure he was about to explode, he whimpered and pulled his hand off.  _ “Dean...” _

“Oh baby, I got you.” Dean pulled off the road, not in their neighborhood yet, but he obviously didn’t care. He leaned over and sucked Cas in, bobbing hungrily.

The warmth of Dean’s mouth felt so good Cas nearly came unglued. He carded his fingers in Dean’s hair and stayed absolutely still, not taking more than Dean was willing to give. “T-thank you, Dean.”

Dean hummed around him and slurped up his length, painfully slow. He reached over and gripped Cas’ balls, applying pressure near his hole and swallowed him down his throat.

One look at Dean had Cas sucking in desperate, ragged breaths. There was no way, no  _ way _ that his life had truly gotten this much better. But with each bob of Dean’s head, Cas was reminded exactly how real it was. “Can I come now, Dean? Please?” He fisted his hand around the back of Dean’s jacket, half wishing Dean would tell him no, and half needing to come so badly he couldn’t see straight.

Dean bobbed a few more times, making him hold off a few seconds more before nodding yes and humming approval. It took less than three seconds for Cas to come, curling his toes in his shoes and still staying as still as possible as Dean sucked him down and swallowed. 

He was boneless when Dean pulled off, panting and trying to stretch out his cramped legs. “Thank you.” 

Dean huffed a throaty laugh and put the car back in drive. “Thank  _ you.” _

Cas fixed his pants and hummed appreciatively as he buckled his seatbelt again and looked out the window. The joy threatening to split him in half made him wish he had someone to talk to, someone to gush to about how amazing Dean truly was and how happy they were together, like Dean did with Jaskier. It occurred to him that his friends were still humans that existed, even if he hadn't seen them or spoken to them in quite some time. "Dean?"

Dean glanced over, still smiling as well. “Yeah?” He reached to hold Cas’ hand as they pulled into their neighborhood.

He chose his words carefully, knowing that he didn't have to ask Dean's permission but also wanting to get his opinion about it. "I had friends, before Meg... I... I think I'm starting to miss them, in a way I'd never allow myself to before. Do you think it's worth reaching out to them, even after all this time?"

“Absolutely, Cas. Trust me, they’d be happy to hear from you. Make one of those... Facebook sites or whatever and find ’em. Trust me, they want to talk to you.” He kissed his hand.

Despite knowing Dean would react like that, it still caused a swell of emotion and gratitude in his chest that he couldn’t stuff back down even if he wanted to, which… he didn’t. “I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but… thank you, Dean. Truly.” 

Dean’s phone buzzed, and **_J Morningstar_ ** flashed on the screen. Cas huffed. “Speaking of friends....”

They pulled up in their driveway and he pressed answer, putting it on speaker. “Who called the cops? It was just some road head, J.” Dean laughed like he was the funniest person ever.

"I thought you guys might like to know that I got her. I called in a favor to have Meg's hearing pushed up, and they're keeping that little bitch in jail until her trial. It's gonna be a bit of a long road for you guys, but there's not a single part of me that doesn't believe she'll go down for what she did. Just uh... thought you might wanna know, and D? Doesn't count as road head with a dick as small as yours." Jask laughed even louder than Dean had, and Cas shook his head at the both of them. 

But he couldn't lie, the knowledge that Meg wouldn't be let loose on the world again anytime soon calmed the last of his nerves. "Thank you, Jaskier. Truly."

“I’ll be sure to tell the cops that if we get pulled over.” Dean rolled his eyes. “But holy shit, J. Thanks bro. Really. To return the favor, I won’t bring up Jesse for a whole year.” He bit back a laugh and turned to Cas. “Jesse was a one night stand Jask had in a McDonalds bathroom before Ares. It was horrible, I’ll tell you about it later.”

"I went and got my x-ray the very next day, never looked back. That man ruined me, and not in the good way." Jask made a grossed out noise and then cleared his throat. "Alright, you guys be safe. Quit sucking each other's dicks and just get home in one piece, ok? I want you guys around for a while." 

Cas laughed and squeezed Dean's thigh. "We're in the driveway, we're safe."

“Alright, J. Have a good one.” Dean hung up and smiled over at Cas. “I want you to have friends too, baby. You’re too awesome to stay hidden.”

They got out of the car as Cas rolled his eyes with a smile. "Let's hope you still feel that way once you meet them." 

~~~~

Six months went past, and Cas slowly started to heal. His body no longer bore any evidence of his time with Meg, and the therapy sessions he was attending were working wonders on his mindset. Cas wasn't quite sure if he'd ever fully recover, but with each passing day he had a little more faith in himself that he would. He had friends, a surrogate family that loved him dearly, a good job... and the best soulmate he could've ever asked for. 

What he didn't ask for, however, was the vibrating needle stabbing him repeatedly in the collarbone. Well, he technically asked for it, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. He squeezed Dean's hand and took a deep breath. "Whose idea was correlating tattoos, again?"

“Uhh, yours.” Dean chuckled and kissed his hand. “It was also your idea to go first.” 

He wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t necessarily make it any easier. “Show me your stencil again?” 

Dean pulled out the purple drawing of a padlock and held it up against his already bare side. “Think it’ll look good here?” 

“Yes,” Cas nodded. “But I hope you know, I’ll never let you wear a shirt again. I want to see it everyday for the rest of our lives, no exceptions. Not even when you’re old and wrinkly.”

“You got it, sweetheart.” Dean grinned and put the stencil back down. “But right back at you. That key used to make me sad, but now... not so much.”

The tattoo artist smiled at them. “So, why a skeleton key, anyway? You guys are obviously deeply-in-love soulmates.”

Cas smiled as the man continued the necklace tattoo. "You know... I don't think you'd believe us if we told you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue will be posted tomorrow!


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 15 Years Later

The last fifteen years had been good to Cas in ways he never could have imagined. It had taken nearly a decade to fully move past the things he’d seen and lived through with Meg, but now, not even the nightmares plagued him. Therapy had worked wonders, but nothing helped as much as Dean had. Just being loved by him, accepted by him, and constantly nourished in both mind and body allowed Cas to fully come into his own. Gone were the days of being stepped on, abused, or taken for granted. Dean never touched him with anything less than doting affection, never spoke to him like he was less than an equal, and never missed an opportunity to praise him and build him up. 

It was… well, it was love. The real kind that had nothing to do with birth-rights or laws or customs; but the kind that was born of true connection, true passion. They’d stood by each other through losses and triumphs, sadness and joy, and everything in between. Dean had held his hand through the trial that forced him to recount every moment of his time with Meg, and rejoiced with him the day she was found guilty and finally put away. Cas had held Dean close when his father passed away, understanding without needing to be told that Dean would forever carry the regret of never truly fixing their relationship. Their nephew, Jack lit up their lives in ways they didn’t know possible.

And now, they stood together, hands clasped and eyes wide… as Sammy changed the world. He’d run for Congress after finishing law school and become the youngest Senator in his district’s history, and he’d gotten to work almost immediately trying to right the oldest wrong in the book. If the final vote swung in their favor today, the laws regarding soulmates would be abolished entirely, freeing thousands of people from the fate that was very nearly Cas’ own. 

They weren’t allowed to be in the Capitol building when the vote was cast, but it was so highly publicized that just about every news station was casting a live feed. With each vote, Cas’ stomach did flips and he felt his heart drop clear to his toes. “Do you think it’ll happen?” 

Dean watched Cas with a level of affection that felt physically impossible. He _still_ had moments where he couldn’t believe Cas was his. “Yeah, sweetheart. I think so.” 

He stared at him and played with his unruly hair. Thinking of all the people in abusive relationships they could help today was surreal. They never expected to hit national news, and Dean outright told a few reporters to fuck off when he could tell Cas wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. But Cas was so damn strong. He told his story and he kept fucking telling it, in hopes to help even one other person in the world. Instead, he was helping thousands. “I love you, Cas. I fucking admire you.”

The fact that he was still standing was a testament to how well Dean grounded Cas. With the lives and well-being of so many people on the line, he couldn’t stop his body from shaking or his legs threatening to give out, but everything about Dean kept him centered and hanging on. “I could have never gotten this far with you, Sam, Jask, and the others, Dean. I love you, too, but I think you’re the one that deserves to be admired. This wasn’t your fight, but you picked it up like it was and kept the rest of us going at every roadblock and every bump. Sam wouldn’t be there right now if it wasn’t for your support, and I’d still be with Meg if it wasn’t for your love.”

Dean pulled him in for a kiss and pressed their foreheads together. “I’d fight for you until my last breath.”

"Let's hope that's not necessary." He leaned heavily on Dean as his eyes found their way back to the screen, and he watched with what felt like every organ in his body stuck in his throat. It took forever; seconds that stretched to minutes which might've stretched to hours for all Cas knew. But when the tally stopped and the final count was 53-47, his legs finally lost their battle to keep him standing. After nearly a decade of putting themselves through hell to get this far, the bill had been passed. 

The laws regarding soulmates would be gone. 

Every single human being would be free to make their own choices regarding their soulmate and who they spent their lives with. No one would ever again be forced to stay in an abusive relationship, or be treated like property simply because of a name on their ribs. They'd done it, they'd actually, truly done it.

Dean made sure to hold Cas’ weight and kissed all over his face. “Baby, this is you. Your strength. You did this, we did this.” He was sure Cas could hardly hear him, and that was okay. 

No one would ever be trapped in a loveless relationship again. Cas and so many others, were free.

Sam came out a few moments later, his giant arms held wide. This had become his life’s work, and he succeeded.

Cas was beyond words and had tears streaming shamelessly down his face as he launched himself at Sam, hugging him tighter than he ever had before. Sam laughed and spun him around, setting him gently back on his feet and looking over his shoulder at Dean. "How long has he been like this?"

“Dunno, couple days.” Dean teased, pulling Cas back in his arms. He’d carry Cas’ weight forever. “You okay, love?”

He wiped his wet face on Dean’s shirt and immediately felt bad about it, pulling back with a choked off, happy sob. “Yes. Yes, Dean, I can tell you with certainty that this is the most okay I have ever been in my entire life.” Cas had struggled for years with survivor’s guilt, knowing he was one of very, very few people to ever have escaped a bond like his original one. But now, that guilt was gone, because the people standing around him had helped make it happen. 

Dean hugged him and smiled fondly at his dorky brother. “Can’t believe they didn’t make you cut that hair,” he teased.

“I told you, Dean. They’ll take me or leave me, but the hair’s staying.” Sam shook his hair like a diva, earning a genuine smile from a tear-stained Castiel. 

“This guy... didn’t I tell you he’d change the world, sweetheart?” Dean kissed Cas’ temple and rubbed his back as Cas wrapped his arms fully around him. 

“I didn’t change the world, Dean.  _ We  _ did.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed this, and thank you for coming along for the ride. This fic is special to me in a lot of ways, and I’m thrilled that it’s gotten so much love. Thank you all!


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